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Old 04-21-2019, 10:10 PM #1
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Confused I'm new and I'm struggling

I came here to find a way to help control my impulses. I love the ritual of finding a partner to move and seduce them, but it's become something I cant control anymore. My girlfriend left town for two weeks and i had an affair with my ex just cause she was easy to get there and when I admitted to the affair I said I was going to seek counseling to control those urges and made a promise not to cheat again, but it's not as easy as just turning it off. I love my girlfriend and she's been one of my best friends for over 8 years and I dont want to do her wrong, but I dont know how to pull it back in. It's like my mind just starts a process and it just nags at me until I follow through and when I dont follow through my mind turns on me.
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Old 04-22-2019, 02:18 PM #2
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Smile Re: I'm new and I'm struggling

Hello DontEatTheWorm: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. Since this is your first post, welcome to Psych Central.

I'm not a mental health professional & I don't know if the behavior you describe would be considered a sex addiction or if it would be considered something else. Here's a link to an article, from Psych Central's archives, that offers a brief discussion regarding what sex addiction is plus links to a number of additional articles on the subject including a sex addiction quiz you can take. Also included is a link to an article that discusses 8 quick facts on sex addiction:

Understanding More about Sexual Addiction

9 Facts You Need To Know About Sex Addiction

You might also like to take some of the other quizzes & tests that are on offer here on PC. Here's a link to the listing of quizzes & tests that are available:

Psychological Quizzes and Tests

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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Old 04-22-2019, 09:29 PM #3
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Default Re: I'm new and I'm struggling

I've taken a few of the tests and I score high on them. I used to use mainly videos to gain my relief to the point where I had developed issues getting it up in the bedroom and to the point that most of the time I would take an hour or longer to peak. Now I've moved over to the real thing. I've moved from relationship to relationship over the last year and a half bouncing from girl to girl and I've cheated on all of them. Now I'm still talking to my ex who I tell I'm done every day and I just slept with my girlfriends her best friend whom is married because it was something I set up while she was out of town and I owed her for covering for me. I've resorted to blackmail, extortion, lies and used my previous drug addiction to cover up my affairs all the while trying to slam on the breaks. I've lost complete control and I'm risking the woman whom I love, our future and my relationship with her children. I just want to know how to stop myself when I feel myself falling down that rabbit hole.
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Old 04-29-2019, 08:33 PM #4
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Default Re: I'm new and I'm struggling

I'm going to go ahead and start cataloging my thoughts like I've seen another user do on here. So I've figured out what I think is my trigger maybe it's not addiction I dont know but I do know I need a healthy way to deal with what's going on inside me. Me and my girlfriend have been having a rough time moving from friendship to relationship and I've been feeling down. There is an awkwardness between us and the kids dont help with it any. I'm in a better place now but I can feel the draw from another attack coming on and I often find myself thinking about a girl I know on social media. I think about it alot how to contact her what to do and how not to get caught. I'm really not into her not intellectually or romantically atleast and she's not super attractive but she's got a nice body and is upset over some guy. We've talked about hanging out a few times but never quite gotten there. I feel like an animal on the hunt sometimes. I feel invincible, my skin tingles, my eyes feel sharp and I grind my teeth. I want to do it I really do I feel so free and powerful when I let it loose. I validate my bad behavior with my paranoia and so I listen to music it calms me down and helps my anxiety but it only works for so long. I can feel it knocking now I'm figity and my jaws clenched and I have a few on the line already and ones waiting for me to slip again so it wouldn't be hard to find a release. I've been watching alot of videos to deal with not getting the affection I need from my girlfriend like way more then I'm comfortable with and I can feel the low feelings coming on that's how it all starts for me then it grows, the itch comes and I get twitchy and restless and then I lose all control. My girl says she's at a friends house now but I feel like she's been hiding something from me and I really want to message someone.
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Old 05-01-2019, 10:53 PM #5
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Default Re: I'm new and I'm struggling

First thing is to take a deep breath and let it out, and then think of the consequences. If that doesn't work, keep trying, don't give up, or in this case give in.

I too went from short term relationship to the next, so have a others. I found strength in going to 12 step meetings.

Most importantly, finding a higher power to let the higher power take what you have delt with. Celibacy may be a good idea for 1 week. Going to counseling is helpful.

Most of all be true to who you are. If you don't want to cheat distraction helps, meditation helps, and any DBT skill helps, including splashing your face with cold water.

I have found 54 days of success doing all of the above. Along with reading about the sex/relationship addiction. Start with "Out of the Shadow" Patrick Carnes (I think that is the author) does an excellent job explaining what you can do and about the addiction. I have found that understanding helps. If you need to reach out, do!!
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Old 05-02-2019, 02:09 PM #6
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Default Re: I'm new and I'm struggling

If you have too much "love" to only give it to one person, then maybe a monogamous relationship isn't for you. Have you and your girlfriend ever discussed the idea of being "open" or polyamorous? All the kids are doing it these days.
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