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Default May 19, 2019 at 11:26 PM
  #1
I have been stuck in a cycle and it all revolves around me wanting to give up a couple of tools. I see them as an investment and can't throw out money. I have had about 30 days clean from all addictive behaviors. But what do I want?? I know what my church says. But what do I think and what to believe. Am I fooling anyone. I have been depressed lately, is that how I want to live?

What does sobriety even look like for me? It's been 11 months and 8 days since I have been with a guy, physically. Do I want that again, is it marriage that I want or just someone to be with? These are all questions on my mind.

I don't expect everyone to believe that sex addiction exists, but what do I believe about it? Is it caused by lust, or love?

These questions have been floating in my mind this week. I guess I just need an outlet that is totally anonymous.

The reason for these questions
I know that I am getting closer to having another guy in my life buy is it something that I actually want? Is it who I want? I am triggered to even be thinking this way, I think I'm scum. But I know I can be more than scum with a higher power, but at what cost? Or costs?
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Default May 21, 2019 at 04:30 PM
  #2
I found a spiritual book, but I am not sure where to put the items. Which trash can do I throw them in...... where is it safe to? Any ideas if places that I can never return to??
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Default May 24, 2019 at 09:35 PM
  #3
It's interesting how life works. I am on vacation, and I was about to give in and act out, but found it not fun. The chase isn't what I want. It's been a year or so since acting out, but the thing is I don't know what to do to recover from this awful addiction. I don't know how to connect personally. I feel drained from work, yet lonely. It's a sad and lonely trip.
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Default May 25, 2019 at 09:07 PM
  #4
I'm trying to put this all behind me. I even created something that means a lot to me. It's the hidden things that people don't know that brings us all down, instead of building us up!!
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Smile May 26, 2019 at 04:02 PM
  #5
You are stronger than you think....stop judging yourself.
You are a beautiful woman and deserve to have happiness in your life.
Happiness is an inside job....
happiness is a decision.
bizi

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Default May 26, 2019 at 04:57 PM
  #6
Sometimes sexual addictions come about because we were abused and taught to believe that was all we were good for.

Even though it made us feel like we were crap, scum ... Guilt. Shame. ... Things our abusers should be feeling and not us!

A couple of years into my recovery process, I decided I was not going to treat myself like this anymore.

I was taking a break from sex until I healed all my wounded parts, started respecting myself and no longer felt like that's all I was good for in order to be liked/loved.

Here I am 26 years later, still living in abstinence (I call myself a celibasexual) and am still glad for the choice I made.

If I ever do find the ability to trust another enough to engage in a healthy sexual relationship then I will.

Until then, I'm just gonna keep on living like I have been for the past 26 years because contrary to popular belief, going without will not kill a person.

I wish you the best in figuring out how you want to deal with your situation, but just remember this no matter what you decide ...

YOU. ARE. NOT. SCUM. !!!

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

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Default Jun 04, 2019 at 10:36 PM
  #7
I have been told that I am nothing through the bullies of yester year. I know I'm not but , after years of being told that it's hard to undo. I need to work on staying present in T sessions. And we will work on that as a team, T and I. I am scared. And that isn't helping. I need to replace fear with faith. I know what I need to do but can't bring myself to do it.
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Smile Jun 05, 2019 at 11:45 AM
  #8
I have faith that you and your therapist will work as a team and will help you over come your fears.
Continue being brave.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

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150mg of lamictal 2x a day
haldol 5mg 2x a day
1mg of cogentin 2x a day
klonipin , 1mg at night,
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multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine at noon
PRN Remeron 15mg at night,
zyprexa10mg under tongue,
requip2mg.





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Default Jun 07, 2019 at 08:07 PM
  #9
I wish I saw my T more often..... Today has been tough. It rained and a city worker parked far too close that u couldn't get in my car. And I hurt myself again. Why can't I get some clarity on this, and just stop????

I'm frustrated and hurting, don't ask how I hurt myself, I won't say. It's not a secret, I just don't want to go through the pain of saying it.
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Unhappy Jun 07, 2019 at 08:51 PM
  #10
@puzzclar I am sorry you are going thru this.
(((((HUGS))))
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__________________
150mg of lamictal 2x a day
haldol 5mg 2x a day
1mg of cogentin 2x a day
klonipin , 1mg at night,
4-5 peri-colace for chronic constipation


multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine at noon
PRN Remeron 15mg at night,
zyprexa10mg under tongue,
requip2mg.





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Default Jun 18, 2019 at 12:18 PM
  #11
I don't understand why I have to go through this addiction stuff. Or why I have to deal with the TV on most of the day. I want it off. Then maybe I can study.

I am going for 24 hours clean time, that's all I can do. I'm just going to think of it that way. I don't want to let people down in the future. I want to be strong for my future clients. I'm so emotional now, it's unbearable.
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Red face Jun 18, 2019 at 11:49 PM
  #12
Just catching up, was away for the weekend.
Turning off the tv is a great idea. Turn on the radio if you want some back ground noise. My sister has the tv on constantly and It drives me crazy...she keeps it on for company.
bizi

__________________
150mg of lamictal 2x a day
haldol 5mg 2x a day
1mg of cogentin 2x a day
klonipin , 1mg at night,
4-5 peri-colace for chronic constipation


multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine at noon
PRN Remeron 15mg at night,
zyprexa10mg under tongue,
requip2mg.





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