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FearandLoathing40
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Member Since: May 2019
Location: Greensboro NC
Posts: 52
63 hugs
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#41
OMG, thank you. Your advice is awesome and your compassion, rare for me and I'm incredibly grateful for it. I've lost most dates to social distancing, which is great?
I am feeling very stressed and desperate. I'm trying to keep myself busy and keep my anxiety in check. One minute at a time. Thank you again 🤗 |
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littlebro
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Member
FearandLoathing40
has no updates.
Member Since: May 2019
Location: Greensboro NC
Posts: 52
63 hugs
given |
#42
OMG, thank you. Your advice is awesome and your compassion, rare for me and I'm incredibly grateful for it. I've lost most dates to social distancing, which is great?
I am feeling very stressed and desperate. I'm trying to keep myself busy and keep my anxiety in check. One minute at a time. Thank you again 🤗 |
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littlebro, medievalbushman
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Member
medievalbushman
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Member Since: Feb 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 99
78 hugs
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#43
Quote:
__________________ Oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally, golly what a day |
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littlebro
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WastingAsparagus
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Member
FearandLoathing40
has no updates.
Member Since: May 2019
Location: Greensboro NC
Posts: 52
63 hugs
given |
#44
OMG, thank you. Your advice is awesome and your compassion, rare for me and I'm incredibly grateful for it. I've lost most dates to social distancing, which is great?
I am feeling very stressed and desperate. I'm trying to keep myself busy and keep my anxiety in check. One minute at a time. Thank you again 🤗 |
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littlebro
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Member
FearandLoathing40
has no updates.
Member Since: May 2019
Location: Greensboro NC
Posts: 52
63 hugs
given |
#45
I've continued my pattern for the most part. Two steps forward, three steps back. I went 10 days without sex! Saturday night..... what a beast. I'm consumed. It's like a horrible thirst, I'm dying to quench. It feels like life or death. I've called 5 men since Sunday morning. The only thing that has helped me to cancel is the fact that I am extremely sore from Saturday. I seriously feel like I'm dying. This addiction is no joke
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littlebro, medievalbushman
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Member
medievalbushman
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Member Since: Feb 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 99
78 hugs
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#46
Hang in there and take it one day at a time, don't stew too much over the past.
__________________ Oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally, golly what a day |
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ARaven0137, littlebro
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FearandLoathing40
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Member
FearandLoathing40
has no updates.
Member Since: May 2019
Location: Greensboro NC
Posts: 52
63 hugs
given |
#47
I don't think that I'm hypersexual, or a sex addict.
I think I'm amoral and depraved. The harder I look for myself, the less I can find me. |
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Michael2Wolves
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Michael2Wolves
is simply giving up.
Member Since: Jan 2018
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,160
247 hugs
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#48
I will say, I never imagined women struggle with this as much as men, and I feel poorer for not having known this many years ago so that I could have done things differently. I often wonder if it's possible to find someone who is an anode to me, so that I no longer care about porn and finding others...? Or is it that I am, like F&L says, "amoral and depraved?" Am I shallow simply because I look for specific physical and personality traits, and that venal, avaricious side of me doesn't want to settle? The women that have them I find are either a) strangers to me (and I'm not good at just randomly striking up convos), b) know who I am and want nothing to do with me, or c) are taken. That is a struggle I am all too familiar with. I actually had someone ask me if I was an Incel because I haven't slept with anyone in years. lmao No, not really...I am just isolated because I know no one in my own town anymore, and I have no friends irl other than my little doggo, and I have become risk-averse after my last ex. She was pretty much it for me, end of the line.
"The harder I look for myself, the less I can find me." <---- Oof. Right in the feels. Just about summed up all of my poetry (which I use as a cathartic) in one line. lmao |
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FearandLoathing40
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FearandLoathing40
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Member
FearandLoathing40
has no updates.
Member Since: May 2019
Location: Greensboro NC
Posts: 52
63 hugs
given |
#49
It really is an addition. I've lost jobs, so it continues to be my job. Either way, I want it daily, sometimes twice a day. I think about it all the time, I hide my phone to take breaks from sexting men. Sometimes I'm juggling 3 or 4 conversations at a time. I want constant attention. I've been so depressed. I've been staying in bed, except to go on dates. I forced myself to go in a hike. It helped. I'm trying to ignore the messages. Ugh, it feels good to unload here.
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Michael2Wolves
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Michael2Wolves
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Veteran Member
Marie123
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Member Since: Jan 2011
Posts: 574
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#50
Have you considered therapy? Sending hugs.
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FearandLoathing40
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Member
FearandLoathing40
has no updates.
Member Since: May 2019
Location: Greensboro NC
Posts: 52
63 hugs
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#51
I do go to therapy. Unfortunately I go to a low cost clinic where the therapist is only available every 3-4 months.
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Michael2Wolves
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Account Suspended
Michael2Wolves
is simply giving up.
Member Since: Jan 2018
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,160
247 hugs
given |
#52
That's not therapy. A cut-rate therapist with thirty cases too many on his/her workload seeing you 4 times a year is going to provide exactly 0 resolution. I daresay therapy with a good therapist would probably resolve the underlying trauma, and once THAT is addressed, much of that urge would simply fade to manageable levels without you being aware its happening.
Me, I didn't have money for all that therapy shtako. So, I did what any rational person would do. I dropped two hits of acid and went rummaging. I basically prepped myself ahead of time by specifically focusing on wanting to learn, and man, what a ride that was. It wasn't always pleasant, but I'm stronger than thought loops, and I realized things about myself that were always present; I'd just never noticed before. Being aware of that older anger and shame over situations from decades ago seemed to lessen the severity of other impulsivity around things like sex and OCD. So, there's something to be said about discharging that energy, although what I did was akin to jumping over Niagara in a barrel in a "fk it" moment of desperation. This, because I've read about psychedelic therapy for PTSD and whatnot that showed jaw-dropping promise, but whose funding was cut off as the VA became shtako in the 80s. One on one time with someone you build trust in over a few months of weekly visits would do you wonders. Hope you can find someone soon to help you. (((F&L40))) |
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Member
FearandLoathing40
has no updates.
Member Since: May 2019
Location: Greensboro NC
Posts: 52
63 hugs
given |
#53
I posted this thread almost exactly 2 years ago. It's been 8 months since I've logged on. In those 8 months I suffered a severe head injury and a massive concussion. Both injuries happened while drunk on dates. So, my life hasn't changed much in the last 2 years. I continue to chat with several men a day and also watch porn and masturbate at least once a day. I can barely go 6 days without sex. I'm ecstatic if I have 2 dates a week, especially if they are paid dates. I had a major depressive episode and formed a very detailed suicide plan. Thankfully, I got a friend's help, and here I am.
Almost every person I know has told me to get help. It just makes me angry and then I avoid them for a while. So, there it The unloading here...... I seriously feel a bit of weight off when I message here. Last edited by bluekoi; Apr 21, 2022 at 10:09 PM.. Reason: Add trigger icon. |
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Michael2Wolves
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Michael2Wolves
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Account Suspended
Michael2Wolves
is simply giving up.
Member Since: Jan 2018
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,160
247 hugs
given |
#54
Then message away! That weight is off when you're here because you're discharging it. I think the battle is better fought indirectly; by this, I mean, not focusing directly on resisting the urges, but on finding other activities that so fill your day that you find you are too tired or simply don't care about anything else. It's subtle, but there's a distinction. Think of it as asymmetrical warfare against your nature--you're providing a shiny distraction that is so interesting that your subconscious mind is too busy with the distraction to notice what it is lacking. The only time you'll lose is if you give up entirely. No matter how many battles you lose, so long as you keep fighting the war, you're winning.
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New Member
Bbw420nympho
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Member Since: Sep 2021
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 3
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#55
Hi Fearandloathing40, I can really relate to what you're struggling with. I just joined to try to keep out of chat rooms and chat with people that are dealing with the same kind of struggles. I've relapsed a few times, I always seem to fall back into the same habits. Have you tried medications? I just went to a doctor and got prescribed Zoloft, I told her I had saw where it recommends SSRIs. She said its that, mood stabilizers, or something that alcoholics use, I forget the name. Just took my first pill. Kinda paranoid :P
Its supposed to decrease libido, but other scary side effects too. Might just try switching to the mood stabilizers if I don't like these. |
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FearandLoathing40
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New Member
missy5
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Member Since: Oct 2021
Location: California
Posts: 3
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#56
I have a similar issue but am much younger. I think it is about total parent (mom) rebellion. But it is becoming obsessive. I feel like I need the sex and that a little bit frightens me. Most of my girlfriends struggle to have an orgasm and I can so easily have one. If I cannot find some guy to have sex with I will rub against the sofa arm when no-one is home in order to relive the urge. I think I need some sort of medicine.
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FearandLoathing40
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Member
FearandLoathing40
has no updates.
Member Since: May 2019
Location: Greensboro NC
Posts: 52
63 hugs
given |
#57
Im finally feeling better ! I've only been having sex with 1 man for the last 2 months
I still sext other men and masturbate a few times a day. Overall I'm in a much better place though. Thought it might be nice to post while not being a Dawnie Downer lol |
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Bill3, littlebro
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Bill3
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New Member
Luke42
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Member Since: Apr 2022
Location: Bloomington
Posts: 2
1 hugs
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#58
Quote:
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Member
Lydiamarilyn
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Member Since: Apr 2022
Location: America
Posts: 33
30 hugs
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#59
Quote:
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New Member
littlebro
Feeling tired and sad
Member Since: May 2020
Location: AUSTRALIA
Posts: 5
74 hugs
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#60
Quote:
This is great, that you're feeling a lot better! I hope you're still going along well now. I'm just thinking that maybe this was all just something you had to go through, until you finally "got it out of your system", as it were?! Please look after yourself; this is a wonderful forum, and you'll always have lots of support from all of us here. xo |
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