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AbsentMindedProf
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Member Since: Nov 2019
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Default Nov 26, 2019 at 01:38 PM
  #1
I have an 18 year old son that is dating an 18 year old young woman. They have been together for 9 months and, in many respects, the relationship seems wonderful.

It's hard to even describe how much she loves my son -- you can see it written all over her face whenever they are together, you can hear it in her tone of voice, etc. I can honestly say that many people go through their entire lives without ever having anyone love them this much. If he asked, she would drop everything in her life to marry him on a moment's notice.

She seems perfect for him, in every way, except for one thing:

She flirts with other guys in text messages and on Snapchat -- a LOT. In some cases she has gone as far as calling other guys "boyfriend" and telling them "I love you". Yet the texts are never particularly sexual, except for one in which she asked the other guy, "Do you want to kiss me?"

Despite that, it doesn't look like she is actually dating any other guys. She texts and Facetimes with my son every evening, without fail -- she has photos of my son all over her phone, including the home screen and lock screen and she spends every Saturday with my son, without fail.

My son has caught her sending these flirty text messages at least 6 or 7 times, and has made it abundantly clear that it really hurts his feelings when she does that. He even broke up with her over it once -- they were broken up for several weeks and then they got back together. This breakup was devastating to her -- from what I have heard, she absolutely fell apart during that time.

Yet, a couple of months after they got back together, my son caught her sending a text to another man, saying that she has a crush on him.

To me, this looks like a textbook case of an addiction to online flirting.

My son has asked me for advice about whether or not to break up with her again.

Ordinarily I might advise him to dump her and never look back -- the trouble is that my son is going through a very difficult time himself. He nearly became suicidal during the weeks that they were broken up, and I don't think he could emotionally handle breaking up with her right now. Her love is the only thing that is holding him together right now.

My son is also extremely shy -- with everyone except her. So shy, in fact, that it would be very hard for him to get another girlfriend any time soon. As much as my son hates it when she flirts with other men, he might be willing to put up with it for a while if there was a real treatment plan that might eventually put a stop to it.

I have several questions:

1. Is there a way to cure an addiction to online flirting? If so, what can my son do to help?

2. Does an addiction to online flirting inevitably progress to actual cheating?

3. There has even been talk of her parents tightly controlling her phone use for a few months, so that she has no opportunity to flirt with anyone but my son. Could something like that stop an online flirting addiction?
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sarahsweets
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Default Nov 27, 2019 at 04:38 AM
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