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Member
Member Since Aug 2018
Location: texas
Posts: 74
5 |
#1
I make porn. sounds great . I'm open sexually and such until you realize i am an 18-year-old high school senior who lives with my parents who DEFINITELY wouldn't approve. I love doing it (porn, not sex or anything. I'm a virgin, ill get to that later) I love the attention and the adoring viewers and watching the views go up. it consumes my day. I am getting better each time I start again ( this is the 3rd time), getting better at balancing life and porn, better at hiding it from my mom who would seriously hurt me if she found out.
like I said. I've never had sex. my videos are me alone. I am ugly and obese so I couldn't get a guy IRL if I wanted to. I'm kind of worried about how I will act in an actual relationship. I struggle with physical contact yet I am a very sexual person so I feel like I would be leading them on only to back out at the last second out of fear since I am basically all talk and i am 10x more smooth online than I am irl. it could get me into awkward situations. someone could find out and that terrifies me. so many bad possibilities yet I still long to continue. |
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Junior Member
Member Since Sep 2018
Location: St. Paul, MN
Posts: 15
5 |
#2
Just because you're overweight, doesn't mean that you are UGLY. If were truly UGLY no one would bother to view your videos. At your age there is nothing wrong with being open minded and sexual. You say you are uncomfortable with your body, but yet you want others to see you nude. It must give you some type of thrill … you keep going back to it.
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Member
Member Since Aug 2018
Location: texas
Posts: 74
5 |
#3
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Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,193
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#4
This doesn’t sound like something you are doing to feel good, rather it sounds like it is really hurting you. It’s not empowering, it’s degrading, since you say you get played and manipulated.
Why is orgasm impossible? I’d shut the camera and continue to explore my own desires and body. You are not a spectacle for others to gawk at. Teen years are hard. You have so much learning about yourself. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Member
Member Since Aug 2018
Location: texas
Posts: 74
5 |
#5
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Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,193
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#6
Quote:
Do you think you can find a balance that serves you while cutting out the A holes? Is that part hurting you? __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Member
Member Since Aug 2018
Location: texas
Posts: 74
5 |
#7
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Legendary
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 10,193
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#8
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__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Member
Member Since Aug 2018
Location: texas
Posts: 74
5 |
#9
I am a chronic procrastinator lol, i have tried to write these complex fiction stories and they barely saw the light of day, plus it would be a short book. my interesting stories only go back since like jr.high and my family would disown me if i publicly said anything bad about them and everyone i know would know i did porn. ill stick to anonymous internet posting lol.
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Member
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 99
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#10
Hey random, thanks for sharing your concerns with us here, I hope you're doing okay. I've been looking at your thread off and on for a bit, trying to formulate a helpful response, but... frankly, I got more questions than anything so I'll ask those. But first, while you might be obese, that doesn't make you ugly. Ugliness, imo, comes from within, and the people who are truly ugly could be (objectively) 10/10's but have the worst personalities and opinions on the planet. The people I describe are manipulative and cruel, and have no concern whatsoever for the people they hurt so long as it gets them what they want. You don't strike me as such a person, so give yourself a hug from me please.
So, questions! Do you live in a religious household and is that the source of your concern over being caught (and being hurt! be safe please!)? You mention your depression a fair bit and that you're on medication, is there anything else you're doing to work on this problem? Your obesity, you're clearly down on yourself over this, are you trying to exercise or change your eating habits to address this? (btw, don't beat yourself up if you're not, that won't help you, it will just feed your depression) Finally, are you taking measures to protect your anonymity while you are making porn? __________________ Oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally, golly what a day |
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Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006
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#11
Hey @random1human does this make you happy?
Quote:
like I said. I've never had sex. my videos are me alone. I am ugly and obese so I couldn't get a guy IRL if I wanted to. I'm kind of worried about how I will act in an actual relationship. I struggle with physical contact yet I am a very sexual person so I feel like I would be leading them on only to back out at the last second out of fear since I am basically all talk and i am 10x more smooth online than I am irl. it could get me into awkward situations. someone could find out and that terrifies me. so many bad possibilities yet I still long to continue.[/QUOTE] __________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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Elder
Member Since Jan 2010
Location: Where? US
Posts: 5,621
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#12
I'm coming from another perspective, a semi formal user of porn. I feel self conscious about my weight too. I've had sex with many guys, and never really orgasmed. I want to find a relationship, but I'm afraid of going back to the one night stands, not even that, I'd never stay the night (except once). I've regretted every choice.
I've had to tell lies to my family, my parents are against everything sexual that I do, including masturbation. And I live with them, and I'm 32. Keeping secrets is hard, and doesn't help depression one bit! Don't you agree? I'm not going to tell you to stop or to continue. I will say if you do start having sex, the current behavior could get worse! I'd be careful. Hiding more from your family is Not easy. And eventually the secret may come out in the open. It did for me, and I felt bad, and did what I always have done submit to my parents. Even if I kinda liked the feeling of being powerful around men. Now I'm alone, and I'm not expecting to find someone to marry. Be careful. I'm here if you want to talk. |
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Member
Member Since Aug 2018
Location: texas
Posts: 74
5 |
#13
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Member
Member Since Aug 2018
Location: texas
Posts: 74
5 |
#14
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it's not a career idea. it's always been more of a hobby. I want to own a bakery. I always like the attention and I'm an exhibitionist. I have made people happy with my body so I post it. I try to do it in ways where it would be difficult to track back to me (never showing my face. fake name, not giving my location) and I just really enjoy it tho I know I shouldn't |
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Member
Member Since Jun 2015
Location: US
Posts: 340
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#15
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__________________ The Universe needs an Ace |
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