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Old 09-13-2020, 02:08 AM   #1
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Member Since: Sep 2020
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Mad Iím ashamed of myself

Hello everyone,

Iím having a lot of shame regarding the porn Iíve need watching and habits Iíve been keeping... theyíre so difficult to break.

I started watching porn at a young age... Iím 30 now and Iíve noticed my porn went from fairly Ďinnocentí topics to quite taboo. It caused a lot of shame for awhile, now Iím a bit desensitized. I think about porn all of the time. If Iím not watching porn, Iím sexting with strange men, (trading photos, videos, etc)... I need more and more taboo things to keep me satisfied. Just a moment ago, I watched porn and got off extremely hard but then I had a huge panic attack, Iím still trying to calm down from it. Itís that feeling of no control and I absolutely despise it and it terrifies me to death. I used to get panic attacks OFTEN and I ended up in the hospital a few times because I was so revved up, I feared Iíd hurt myself or others, if that makes sense. (I donít WANT to cause any harm to anyone!) I havenít felt that way in so long, so tonight really scared me.... all over porn and shame. The feeling of no control because Iím trying so hard not to watch it and it just makes me crave it more. Iím completely alone in my house. I locked my door out of fear Iíd hurt myself feeling as amped up as I did, but it was just anxiety. But why? How do I stop? How do I feel less ashamed? What are my underlying issues that Im struggling so hard? This hasnít happened in so long and this masturbation/porn thing is incredibly new to me.

Iím so confused, lost, scared and paralyzed... that feeling of inadequacy
Possible trigger:
honestly but I signed up on here and was hoping I could get feedback.

Thank you for reading this awfully winded post, I appreciate it.

Last edited by bluekoi; 09-14-2020 at 08:49 PM.. Reason: Add trigger icon. Add trigger code. Descriptive content edit.
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Old 09-15-2020, 08:01 PM   #2
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Smile Re: I’m ashamed of myself

Hello kaylynnxx: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central.

Unfortunately I don't think I can be of much help with regard to your concerns. Perhaps there will yet be other PC members who will have some feedback they can offer. My only suggestion would be, if you're not already doing so, find a mental health therapist you can work with who is experienced in treating clients who have porn addictions.

Here are links to 5 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that may be of some interest:

What It's Like to Be a Porn Addict? An Interview with Noah Church (Part 1)

What It's Like for an Addict to Quit Using Porn? An Interview with Noah Church (Part 2)

Understanding Porn Addicts: An Interview with Noah Church (Part 3)

The Power of Porn: Attention, Hyperfocus and Dissociation

How Much Porn is Too Much Porn?

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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