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Default Dec 13, 2012 at 11:40 PM
  #41
So I am not a virgin, and although I was a virgin until fairly late, statistically speaking (20), it was not very very very late. By 30 I definitely was not a virgin - in fact, I had three children.

But I take the prize, still. For BEING with the oldest virgin - a guy who was 40. It was my birthday present to him. I was 26, in-between marriages, with one son. He took it very seriously and thought/hoped that I would marry him. He is still hurt and offended that I did not marry him. To me back then it was just a humorous event - who would not have wanted to give oneself as a birthday present to a 40 year old virgin guy? I mean, how frequently do you see 40 year old virgin guys? I was very amused.

This was 10 years after he first fell in love with me.

So, a highly unusual story. More unusual than my having akathisia on Seroquel and anorgasmia on a bunch of other psych drugs. Those were also rare events, but less rare.

In hindsight, I regret that I did not treat him with more passion and more seriously back then. But I cannot go back and remedy anything.

It was a good gift that kept on giving - he did go on to have more intimate r/s with women, according to his reports, and even got married, but never had children and never cohabited with his wife - they maintain separate households and apparently only meet several times a year and it is unclear what those meetings entail. But still, some semblance of sexual life is present, so to those who start off late - you can still do it.
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Default Dec 14, 2012 at 05:50 AM
  #42
here here illegaltoilet that's what the sites for is in it? if you can't feel safe and comfatable chatting about what's on your mind on here than really what can and can't you say.

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Default Dec 14, 2012 at 02:29 PM
  #43
It IS an interesting question, but why should it matter? I detest movies like "The 40-Year-Old Virgin." As if virginity is a disease or something terrible, anyway. Let's just say I waited until marriage and am proud of it. I was in my mid-thirties.....One of my therapists was amazed that I had waited so long. But it was a gift for the special man I married. And I never had to worry about accidental pregnancy and having to consider abortion or raising a child as a single woman or getting a social disease or a man like Barney on "How I Met My Mother" who just uses a woman as a sex object.

I heard of a woman who was in her seventies who was marrying for the first time--and was asking a friend about how this sex thing was done. Yea for her!
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Default Dec 14, 2012 at 09:30 PM
  #44
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Originally Posted by PAYNE1 View Post
It IS an interesting question, but why should it matter? I detest movies like "The 40-Year-Old Virgin."
is it about a man or a woman?

I still find it odd when the word "virgin" is used to described a man.
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Default Dec 14, 2012 at 10:44 PM
  #45
Well I agree with some people in this thread.. asking this kind of question on a site full of strangers may not be the right place...

my reasons are because

1. there are many religions / cultures that believe a person should not have sex before a certain age or marriage and so disclosing ones own "status" could possibly lead to members thinking or speaking ill of those who are not virgins.

2 there are many members who are not virgins due to their surviving child sexual abuse, that fact alone can cause a survivor to fall into depression or feel ashamed when reading this kind of question...

that said

this site is about free will where we dont have to answer any questions in which feels triggering, uncomfortable...

I will answer the question...

I am a sexual abuse survivor with a history of having DID, alters that were sexually active and other dissociative issues due to the abuse I went through.. I was sexually abused before the age of 5, therefore I have not been a virgin since before the age of 5.

I chose to answer the question so that others can see that its ok. theres nothing to be ashamed of. the abuse is something that happened to us not us seeking it out, and when we did seek it out after being abused again theres nothing to be ashamed of. those of us that sought out sex after the abuse well it was just a case of either imitating the abuse that we went through, or sex was used as a coping mechanism, or we sought out what we thought was love because we were not getting the kind of love from those who should have given us safe, nurturing, love.

Just a bit of info about "virginity" around here where I live and work that term doesnt only mean whether you have had sex or not. it also means in the medical sense of the hymen has been broken. this can happen in non sexual ways too. I know many many children of all ages who's medical reports say they are not a virgin because they fell riding their bike or landed too hard across the jungle gym bar, ran with a toy in their hands, stumbled and the toy landed underneath them...

theres all kinds of reasons why a person would not be a virgin, its not only about sex. I give this info just as another way of letting those who know they are not virgins, know that there is nothing wrong or shameful in it.
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Default Dec 14, 2012 at 11:19 PM
  #46
"The 40-Year-Old Virgin" was about a man. I guess that's why it was particularly considered a big deal that he had not had intercourse yet.
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Default Dec 16, 2012 at 04:36 PM
  #47
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Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet View Post
I'm 33 and I'm a relationship virgin anyway.

I saw a sex worker once when i was 23, but I don't think that counts, and plus I was bored the whole time. So I still consider myself a virgin?

Oddly enough I think I would rather kiss a woman than have sex with her.

Discuss.
32 and a sex and relationship virgin, sucks don't it?
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Default Dec 19, 2012 at 02:20 PM
  #48
SadSamuel, if you want to have a relationship and be involved sexually with a woman, then it could be an issue. But I just don't think men or women should feel upset about it, especially if it's because their society seems to think it's bad to be a virgin after a certain age.

If you do feel like it "sucks," then I would suggest seeing a counselor and working through your barriers. There's something to be said about the enjoyment of just kissing, especially if one's partner is just not good in bed!

And, yes, on the other side, folks who have been sexually abused need not feel guilty about that. It wasn't their choice.
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Default Dec 19, 2012 at 03:02 PM
  #49
Quote:
Originally Posted by PAYNE1 View Post
"The 40-Year-Old Virgin" was about a man. I guess that's why it was particularly considered a big deal that he had not had intercourse yet.
I will watch it.
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Default Dec 19, 2012 at 06:58 PM
  #50
this is an interesting question which i am not sure i can answer, i was abused when very young, so i guess that counts as losing my virginity, that said my GP does not think i need the manditory smear test given to women of reproductive age here because she says i was so young that the hymen will have sealed over again as i was still growing . so i guess she sees me as still being a virgin. so i am pretty confused as to whether i am still a virgin at 42 or not! all i know is my childhood experiences turned me off the idea of ever having sex as i see the whole thing as creepy and disgusting.
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Default Dec 19, 2012 at 07:12 PM
  #51
I claim the title of "oldest virgin on Psych Central".
I'm 48 and have had to do without any form of
sexual contact as a consequence of my recovery from
Asperger's syndrome.
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Default Dec 20, 2012 at 04:02 AM
  #52
Well, Yellowted, I can tell you what I think of that kind of situation. I think you can still call yourself a virgin. You might not be physically a virgin (even if the hymen grew back or resealed, it had been broken, but you can go either way), but the more important way (IMO), emotionally, you may still consider yourself a virgin. You didn't get to experience sex the way it was meant to be. You were abused. One definition of virginity is "innocence" and, while many rightfully can say your innocence was taken, at the same time, you didn't lose it in the sense of getting to experience sex in a loving, gentle way, or a way in which a lover treated you with love and respect.

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Default Dec 20, 2012 at 04:24 PM
  #53
Quote:
Originally Posted by hamster-bamster View Post
I will watch it.
Not a bad movie. Steve Carell is a great actor, no different here. I find the premise a little stupid, but I suppose understandable. I just don't agree with the movie's implication that being a virgin at 40 is some sort of defect or something.

And yellowted, I absolutely agree with Maven.

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Default Dec 21, 2012 at 12:53 PM
  #54
Why?....
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Default Dec 21, 2012 at 02:45 PM
  #55
Is there a prize? My money is on Fleeing Bellocq
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Default Dec 21, 2012 at 05:15 PM
  #56
George,

Well, I wouldn't be, if it wasn't for the 'accident', leaving you with the inability to "point north."

That is not funny. I am sorry.

I am hurt, George! You KNOW that was an ACCIDENT!

This isn't like you. The George I have known, my entire life, would have never posted this! We have been friends for twenty years!

Sorry, George. I more than anyone here understands the pain and anger, that you still feel, about that day. It was not my fault! I didn't tell you to do that! Where did you even come up with that idea?

Listen, if you need to talk, let me know, but would you mind putting it into a PC. I feel really embarrassed that you would share OUR secret, on this public forum! With everyone, George?

I also know all of the other things that are causing you to crack, and I cannot blame you, for you are too good and kind a person to purposely distress me so.

If you don't care to speak to me, I hope that you will reach out to one of your good friends here. You need to TALK to someone! Call my brother, you have always gotten on with him. It is uncalled for George, for you to do this on an open thread!

Please don't forget that I care deeply for you, even though it is obvious that you are still ashamed.

-Your Flee, George...I am, still, right?
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Default Dec 21, 2012 at 05:24 PM
  #57
I wish I was a virgin, sex probably caused a lot of the relationship problems I have now.
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Default Dec 21, 2012 at 05:53 PM
  #58
i'm a virgin... but i doubt i'm the eldest!

i'm only 25!
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Default Dec 21, 2012 at 08:49 PM
  #59
LOL Flee... you will always be the Belle of Basin Street
I stand in awe
Ahem... The accident was a blessing in disguise...I have since discovered that east/west is quite as effective as north.
Of course... no hard feelings
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleeingbellocq View Post
George,

Well, I wouldn't be, if it wasn't for the 'accident', leaving you with the inability to "point north."

That is not funny. I am sorry.

I am hurt, George! You KNOW that was an ACCIDENT!

This isn't like you. The George I have known, my entire life, would have never posted this! We have been friends for twenty years!

Sorry, George. I more than anyone here understands the pain and anger, that you still feel, about that day. It was not my fault! I didn't tell you to do that! Where did you even come up with that idea?

Listen, if you need to talk, let me know, but would you mind putting it into a PC. I feel really embarrassed that you would share OUR secret, on this public forum! With everyone, George?

I also know all of the other things that are causing you to crack, and I cannot blame you, for you are too good and kind a person to purposely distress me so.

If you don't care to speak to me, I hope that you will reach out to one of your good friends here. You need to TALK to someone! Call my brother, you have always gotten on with him. It is uncalled for George, for you to do this on an open thread!

Please don't forget that I care deeply for you, even though it is obvious that you are still ashamed.

-Your Flee, George...I am, still, right?
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Default Dec 22, 2012 at 03:58 PM
  #60
...''you will always be the Belle of Basin Street."-George H.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRjT4h7F_jw

Master George,

I was not alone on Basin Street. You,my partner in crime, not yet eight, and I only seven. Can you believe it has been twenty years?

What a couple of dirty beggars, were we? Here is to the summer of '92, my favorite...

Mint stalks and Mardi Gras,

Fleeing Bellocq, (only once more, young Master H.) the Belle of Basin Street.
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