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Member
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 42
12 27 hugs
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Apr 18, 2012 at 07:09 AM
#1
I have a fiance' who means the world to me. I have been with him for almost a year... thing is I can't have sex with him. I get uncomfortable when he hugs me or tries to kiss me or anything.
I have been sexually abused and raped and those things affect me constantly. I wish I could make him happy but I feel like I'm making him miserable because I can't be touched. He says he understands but I question it a lot. *sigh* why can't I just be okay... 
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 Puffyprue
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Apr 18, 2012 at 09:38 AM
#2
I am sorry to hear what happened to you and how it has affected your life. On the positive side - it sounds like you have a wonderful, understanding fiance. In short - a keeper! Have you had counseling to help you deal with the terrible trauma that you suffered? As a fellow trauma sufferer, I know it is very hard to get over. I have been dealing with it on my own. You are very lucky to have a compassionate fiance who can support you through the process, wherever it may lead. Please seek professional counseling as soon as possible. I wish you all the best.
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| justgivealittle
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 justgivealittle
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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2011
Posts: 2,309
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Apr 20, 2012 at 01:31 PM
#3
(((Justgivealittle))) i suggest therapy for healing. Not so you can have sex although it could help that, but so you could just enjoy life
altogether. I dont have sex right now. It is nice to be loved for awhile without sex when you are taught that you are obligated to give it. My bfriend sees me as valuable without sex. As does your fiance. He values your heart and spirit it sounds like . May angels surround you both. Peace. |
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New Member
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: California
Posts: 5
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Apr 22, 2012 at 01:39 AM
#4
As others said, definitely therapy. One technique that is very popular now and has been used with people who have PTSD is energy psychology (tapping). You can search for psychologists that use this method. Another popular behavioral technique is selective desensitization. Again, a psychologist could help with this. Both methods are very good and work faster than cognitive therapy.
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2012
Location: North Carolina, USA
Posts: 1,957
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Apr 23, 2012 at 01:43 AM
#5
Bless your heart justgivealittle.
As others have said, a therapist could do nothing but help.  But please, don't feel like you're making your husband unhappy. I would wager that if he says he understands, he understands. He sounds like a great guy, based on what you posted.Don't rush things. Don't feel like there's some sort of obligation to jump in feet first. Start slowly. Get comfortable with a hug, then a kiss, etc etc. Let things build. I hope you're able to find some peace with therapist justgivealittle. I will keep you in my prayers, and congratulations on your marriage! 
__________________ The world suffers alot. Not because of the violence of bad people, but because of the silence of good people.- Napoleon Bonaparte |
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Member
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 42
12 27 hugs
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Apr 23, 2012 at 06:24 AM
#6
awww thanks for the kind messages guys! Yeah we are trying but today is a hard day and I just can't do it! I feel like I'm neglecting him, like I said and I don't know.... today is the year anniversary of one of my rapes and things are just going downhill.
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Grand Member
Member Since Mar 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 673
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Apr 23, 2012 at 06:40 AM
#7
Quote:
Sorry, this is a personal question...have you masturbated at all since your rapes? If not, that would be a good place to start. Start by doing it alone, when he is not home, and there is zero pressure. Then when you feel comfortable with that, invite him to watch you (if that isn't a specific trigger for you), but ask him not to touch you. Again, that way you maintain control. That may help ease you into being intimate with him. __________________ age: 23 dx: bipolar I, ADHD-C, tourette's syndrome, OCD, trichotillomania, GAD, Social Phobia, BPD, RLS current meds: depakote (divalproex sodium) 1000mg, abilify (aripiprazole) 4mg, cymbalta (duloxetine) 60mg, dexedrine (dexamphetamine) 35mg, ativan (lorazepam) 1mg prn, iron supplements past meds: ritalin, adderall, risperdal, geodon, paxil, celexa, zoloft other: individual talk therapy, CBT, group therapy, couple's therapy, hypnosis |
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