Uniform came in the mail a week early! :O

Tomorrow I finally get to see my T...I am so nervous, scared really...it's easy telling you guys about the Nazi fantasy...but to tell someone face-to-face? I've only done a few sessions with him, but the last time he saw me I was having fantasies about gay men...so how am I going to explain the drastic shift from gay men to Nazis? I know it's because my sex life is nonexistant and my life in general is so dull which is probably why I am looking for a sense of danger and excitement...but I'm so nervous.

When I had my my T about the imaginary characters, he did not focus on them and the fantasy side to it, but more on what was causing them in the first place. I'm sure that's what is going to happen tomorrow with the Nazis, not focusing on the fantasy part but more of the cause...

I don't feel prepared about what to talk about...I have done a little rehearsing, but then it goes off into the fantasies and I lose track...

I need to keep it short and simple because he's going to go off of what I'm saying and shift it into the cause part...

So it started this month with Hitler fantasies, which had started when I learned about the Holocaust in the 9th grade but snapped out of it when the lesson was over...

After I had purchased the uniform, I set the appointment. You know about the uni fiasco...

The weekend after I went on a camping trip and the new characters had formed and since then I've created an elaborate story of their lives as Nazis.

Other mentionable things are dreams of Nazis almost every night, watching movies about Nazis, drawing swastikas in the shower, drawing pictures of Nazi zombies, listening to German music, learning German, among other things...

I've been thinking about this day all month and I don't feel prepared for it. I want his opinion about letting the fantasies run its course, or how I'm supposed to carry out my fantasies. To be honest, I don't want to stop fantasizing. I like it and it's not hurting anyone in real life. And I don't think it can get any worse than Nazis...

Just be open and honest and the rest will take care of itself. I'm sure he has heard much worse. You'll be fine Doc

I'm certain no one else in my area gets turned on by Nazi uniforms...It's going to be so awkward =/

Just got home from the appointment with T and it went great! He completely understood what was going on and he told me my feelings were normal and that it was perfectly okay to express them in such a way. We talked alot about supressed feelings and I get to listen to my ipod for "urge surfing"/music therapy. I'm so happy that everything went okay and that I was able to get my characters and fantasies off my chest, and he gave me the okay to continue with my outfit.

Yay!

Moving on to my outfit...we haven't fully discussed how to proceed with it, but he said that it's okay to wear in the comfort of my bedroom and encourgages that I should go through with the outfit because not many girls are willing or able to explore their sexuality like I'm willing to. I'm so excited, I just bought the hat for it...and this time I made SURE it fits! I got my head measured and I found a seller who had it in my size, handmade, and it was a really good deal...under $70 including shipping. It should come in the mail either on the 8th or the 10th. And it's shipping from within the US so I should be able to return it if something is wrong and get a full refund, but hopefully I will not need to. I'm so excited!

http://i45.tinypic.com/t9flle.jpg

Just to let you know, ( I have never told anyone this ) but I have had a fantasy for as long as I could remember about being with a Nazi ( sexually ) ..... ...... And what really made it real for me was when I saw Schindler's List ( with Ralph Fiennes ) he was so sexxy and powerful in that movie.... SO trust me you are NOT alone!!!!!

Okay...just remember the history of the men who wore this uniform.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allgeme...on_and_service

http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/...ocaust/SS.html

My jaw literally dropped to the floor :O



Thank you so much for sharing this Mommyof2girls! I am so relieved to know that I am not alone.

My biggest downside of dressing up is that I would much rather prefer having sex with someone dressed as a Nazi (or two or three). Sigh, I'm gonna have to do all the work around here.

My T said that the Nazi characters in my head are a rather healthy way of expressing emotions that I bottle up, and the fantasies are an allure of power and dominance and excitement. Nazis are very exciting and powerful, aren't they?

Thank you again for sharing. I really appreciate it.

Thank you George...

Well, now that I've got it off my chest with my T...now what? We're trying something called urge surfing, where I listen to certain music when I'm feeling certain emotions and just feel the emotion rather than ignoring it.

But which direction do I take this now that we've covered the fantasies? I did not ask him about education, which I had meant to but forgot. In fact, we did not discuss stopping the fantasies, he rather encouraged them. We both know I'm not supporting Nazism but indulging in a BDSM fantasy to satisfy real-life anxieties.

I have a month to figure out the next topic for discussion, and I like to have a plan because I don't want to waste my time or his time. There's the education side of the fantasies like George suggested, but I think the T is more interested in my emotions and how I deal with them rather than the characters and fantasies themselves. Any suggestions?

Yeah .... for me it is deff about the whole power issue.... I have always found myself drawn to men that hold some kind of power....

George: It really has nothing to do with the Holocaust side of it, it's a sense of power, confidence, and authority. I admitted to my T that I felt guilty that the US did not have as nice uniforms as they did, how it made me feel like I was secretly rooting for the bad guys. But that's not true. My T made a point that girls are told not to express themselves sexually and have to act a certain way, which is way he encouraged my outfit--he said at this stage in my life, being young and in college, was a perfect time to explore my sexuality and if that's what turns me on then go for it. Yes, I do realize what the Nazis have done, but I do not get turned on by what they did.

Mommyof2girls: After talking to my T, I don't think it's something to be ashamed of. Of course, it's not something to update on Facebook or be open about it in public, but at least here we are anononymous and it is a safe place. Here and my T arethe only places I can talk about it freely--my family would freak, Facebook would freak, and Yahoo Answers would freak and think it's a sinister joke.

I feel better knowing that there is at least one person here who can relate to me. Thank you for your honesty

Yeah, the whole power deal....I guess its partly due to the fact that I have to be in control for most of my professional career, and being a mother, that sexually I am deff more submissive..... I honestly do not find anything wrong with that....There are a lot of men, that hold powerful postitions in there career, that in their personal life they are the exact opposite....Its about being free and expressing ourselves.....

might be related to jung's negative mother complex? and lack of father figure. I just ordered a book by marion woodman that I found thru the jung link in the psych thread today about touch / hugs.

I have never heard of that concept. Please elaborate for me.

right now I just know what I read from the post I mentioned. but skipper, look up woodman on amazon, I think you'll like her books.

I decided that I will go through with buying the armband. If I buy the hat and the armband, it will make my outfit look official and I can see what the outfit needs more clearly. Right now I am chatting with customer support to see what they can do to make sure it fits...I can just picture it falling off my arm when I put it on.

...And I can custom order it!

The only problem is that shipping is a whopping $23 =[
I'm gonna keep shopping...see what else there is...

edit: Still looking, but that looks like the only place who will customize it, and I need to make sure it fits...But I will wait, considering I only have $20 handy....

edit: Hm, I could get black or red clothespins and just pin it down, instead of going through all the trouble of the shipping and the customizing...Maybe I should wait to see what the T says...I am getting money on Friday.

Here's your man:



I was looking up SS officers and he came up and I'm like hot damn! I can see why he is so attractive. Then I looked up Ralph Fiennes and guess who else he played? Voldemort, leader of the Death Eaters, out to rid the world of all who is not pure...

I have seen Schindler's list once when we were learning about the Holocaust...I don't remember it but I know it's a very heavy movie, 2 1/2 hours long...is it worth watching again?

WOW!!! He is soooo sexxxy !!!!! I have always had a crush on him.... I think I need a VERY COLD SHOWER!!!! ( LOL ) .....

hahahaha, I admit, I've never seen him before and I think he's totally gorgeous...there is a sexy hunk behind the cold noseless face!!!



edit: damnnn, just way too sexy...can't handle the heat!

I know who I'm fantasizing about tonight! ahahahaha