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May 08, 2012 at 12:01 AM
#1
So, I am 24, never been kissed, never been on a date, still a virgin but recently I have really been working on this. It is important to me to start the process of getting myself into a relationship and I really think part of that is getting comfortable with seeing myself in a sexual way.
I have been masturbating since high school and all but the idea of sharing myself with another in a sexual way just stops me dead in my tracks. I want it, and I really can't overstate that, but I just don't go there. So, I am trying to take baby steps, I started having sex talk on chat rooms, even sent some sexy (not nude) pictures but I can't shake the guilt and feeling that this isn't "healthy." Then again, I have no clue what is "healthy." How do you know? Is the chat room stuff a good step for me? HELP! I am so confused and conflicted... |
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Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2012
Location: scotland
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May 08, 2012 at 09:27 PM
#2
Quote:
hi Rhylee, from my own personal experiences, guys who like sex talk in chat rooms aren't interested in a relationship of any kind, just sex. if you hook up with a guy that way, i wouldn't expect you to feel good about yourself at the end of it. just my opinion. 
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 newtus
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May 08, 2012 at 11:16 PM
#3
Lol, I am not trying to get a relationship with the men I talk to on the chat rooms, to me it is basically practice at getting comfortable with expressing my sexuality. Hell, if I learn how to flirt it would be a step in the right direction...at least I hope so.
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Member
Member Since Dec 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 36
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May 08, 2012 at 11:59 PM
#4
Each person walks down the road of sexuality a little differently and what they want when they get there can be nothing like what other people consider normal. The thoughts that allow you to masturbate are what you should be looking for in another in a sexual partner. Will they play the way you need them to?
Trust is huge here. You need trust the person who you share your needs with, will not burn you. But because he or she meets your needs, you need to be willing to help them out. In a perfect world you will meet someone in person who you can reach that level of trust with, but the world if far from perfect. People can be found online to just have sex with that will meet you needs in bed, but beyond wanting to have sex, you may have nothing in common. Do you want to give something you have kept personal for 24 years to just anybody? |
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May 09, 2012 at 12:14 AM
#5
Ok, Kant your logic is not new to me especially, "Do you want to give something you have kept personal for 24 years to just anybody?"
I don't really believe in waiting till marriage but I have always felt that to physically have sex with another (not just the talking online stuff) I would need to be with them a while to even begin considering it "comfortable" to open up that way. At the same time, how can I meet such a guy if anytime one hits on me or flirts with me I shy away completely. The idea of a guy finding me attractive in that way is kind of incomprehensible and even excepting myself being sexual (and I mean flirting or showing my attraction to another) just doesn't happen. Something stops me. I was hoping to do something towards changing this... |
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Member
Member Since Dec 2011
Location: Texas
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May 09, 2012 at 01:17 AM
#6
I'm afraid my logic may only apply to how I see the world.
You need a “friend with benefits” to phrase it in modern pop culture. Someone who you trust, but will not expect anything beyond being friends with “benefits.” I admire you ability to not let your sexuality control your actions. But at the same time you need to find what will fulfill your sexual desires, and then do it. Some of the best sexual relationships I have had started absolutely nonsexual. Friends that just happened to turn sexual, because at some point I wanted to have sex and though, “why not” and the girl agreed. It was a matter of convenience. A big part of the above paragraph is self esteem. I had the self esteem to think my friend may want to have sex with me. They had the self esteem to consent and expose that part of the life and body to me. The more self esteem you have the less trust is necessary. |
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May 09, 2012 at 03:31 PM
#7
The more I write about my issues the more I think I confuse myself. I can't stop trying to figure this out, it's been keeping me up at night.
I was just reading about "Healthy Sex Life" and they kept talking about things that kill sex drive, weight was the one that caught my eye. It was saying that being overweight could make you lose interest in sex, but my sex drive seems to be going haywire as in it is in hyperdrive. I have also heard that being overweight leads to low self-esteem and promiscuity...I may have the low self-esteem but promiscuity would be acting on my sexuality (not necessarily sex, but acting interested and "sexy") which is what stops me dead in my tracks. All of these sources just don't seem to apply to my situation, it is becoming so frustrating! |
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Member
Member Since Dec 2011
Location: Texas
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May 09, 2012 at 08:28 PM
#8
It is possible to over think anything, sometimes you need to JUST DO IT. That is probably bad advice, but just be sure that you are prepared for all of the possible results of your actions. If you can handle the worst thing that could possibly happen and the possible benefit of the action is worth if for you, then go for it. In this case, is the orgasm worth it? Part of sex for everyone is putting yourself out there with the possibility of rejection. Is the relationship, evening, and orgasm worth the risk.
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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