Am I a pervert?

Hello everyone,

I am a male, in my mid-twenties, and a socially adjusted, stable minded person. However, I did something the other day which I feel guilty about. First, I’ll tell you what I did and then I’ll give you a back story.

I was at work, in a restaurant, and a very sexy women came in. I took a picture of her without her knowledge and then later used it to pleasure myself. Immediately afterwards I felt guilty. But in the moment I thought, “Why not?"

This wasn’t the first time I’ve done this.
A few years ago I was living in another state and was tremendously lonely. I had zero friends and spent many days living alone inside of my head. I had not had sex for at least 4 years. I occasionally would take pictures of women that I saw in public and found attractive to satisfy my “needs”.
This was never something I set out to do in the morning. The few times it happened, it was spontaneous and in the moment.
A few other things to keep in mind:
- I have never stalked anyone.
- I do not have fantasies about stalking anyone.
- I never printed out the pictures or anything - in fact, they were pretty much forgotten and deleted afterwards.

I’m human, it was a mistake, and though it is perhaps a bit creepy, I don’t really believe I am a creep. However, I fear being labelled a pervert.

I could use some kind and honest words.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.

In my opinion (and please keep in mind this is just one opinion) while I don't believe that you would be labeled a pervert, I would be careful about what you are doing. I know it can be hard, but I would try to be mindful and attempt to not do it in the future - everyone makes mistakes - they are part of life - the main thing is what you learn from them. I wouldn't worry too much There does not seem to be any harm done.

IMO what you are doing is more harmful to yourself than anyone. Do you have difficulties forming close or intimate relationships with women?

Thanks for the feedback.

@Catgoesmeow Fortunately, I don’t have an addiction to doing this, so it won’t be hard for me to avoid doing it again.

@Strawberryfieldsss Actually, I have always had more girl friends then guy friends. I am a hopeless romantic with endless amounts of admiration and respect to give. I think that’s the reason this bothers me so much. It went against what I stand for and tarnished my integrity.

I think it makes you a pervert. Any sort of sexual behavior which is not normal is "preverted". What you did is highly voyeurstic and bordering on a paraphilia although it's not that extreme. It is certainly creepy. If you were taking pics of a girl you hook up with and then jerking off to it later that would be a different story. The problem is the clandestine and maladjusted way you are going about getting off.

That being said, I don't think it's a huge deal because this isn't something you regularly do. In other words, it doesn't make you a creepy guy, it just means you have done some creepy things on a few occassions. Focus on the fact that you know better, won't do it again, and that the lapse in judgement was due to some paraphillic urges rather than an element of your personality. There's nothing so perverted about your sexuality that you should be ashamed of it. Sometimes you have urges and fantasies(?) about voyeuristically engaging women and on a handfull of occassions you acted on them in a VERY non-threatening manner. Some guys steal panties from their hook-ups. Big deal.

"I think it makes you a pervert. Any sort of sexual behavior which is not normal is "preverted". "

I have a question, what is "normal" and who defines "normal" ?

It's normal and healthy to react to someone's physical appearance. Yes, keep as detailed an image as you can in your mind for later. The Bank, right? Personally, it would really creep me out to end up on someones phone.

Phoboxyl ~ Stealing panties is "no big deal" and yet THIS guy is a "pervert?" I think you've got it all mixed up.

Actually you have completely misunderstood my statements. I implied that stealing panties is much worse than taking pics of some random girl, but that even stealing them isn't THAT bad. There could be much worse perversions like flashing strangers or jerking off to women in the bushes.

As for him being a pervert? Are you seriously saying he isn't? I am a pervert because I like bondage. I don't have a problem with it. He is a pervert because he is into taking pics of women and jerking off to them. That being said, I don't think it's a problem and I don't believe it makes him creepy as long as he doesn't really do it.

I don't think you're a pervert, but I would agree that your behavior isn't...in good taste, so to speak. But I think you're making good steps by understanding that this isn't okay, and I think the fact it does make you feel bad is a good thing. Once you start rationalizing this as acceptable is when the true problem starts.

finding a stranger attractive is normal. secretly taking a picture of them without their consent and using it to masturbate is a horrible thing to do though. i don't think it makes you a pervert exactly but i would question how much you respect women. this is a very objectifying act. this woman is someones daughter/sister/girlfriend etc. how would you feel if someone did that to your mother? it's a violation.

I don't find your behavior objectionable except that you should not take pictures of customers at your workplace. On the sidewalk, at the beach, anywhere public I think is fair game and as long as you don't upload them to the internet I think you are fine.

Perhaps you should stick to the people on the internet who willingly show their body. I think you will feel less guilty about it. Though, I'm not sure where I stand on taking pictures of people in public. If I found out someone did that to me, I would not feel so great about it. I'd feel degraded actually.

I think Yoda draws the line correctly for you.

I would be happy to hear that my image was used in such a way. But to be honest with you, I very much doubt. 15 years ago - sure .

"per·vert
Noun:
A person whose sexual behavior is regarded as abnormal and unacceptable."
Although what you are doing may not be considered "normal," I don't think it is completely unacceptable. And even if it was, as long as you are not harming anyone and keeping your kinks to yourself or within a consensual setting, you should be good.
There's nothing wrong with being a pervert, I am and I'm proud of my kinks.