Unsure

I don't know what I am, or who I am. I don't know how to start, either. My mom was abusive and a huge homophobe (strangely not towards gay men, but towards gay women). It was always a big problem with her if I showed any signs of being what she called butch. My first physical romance was experimenting with my female best friend when we were younger. I had sex when I was 16 with my boyfriend. I'm still with him. I don't want to be. But that's because of issues with him personally, not his gender.

When I, err, you know. Flick the bean it's always to women. I'm definitely attracted to women but weirdly I always seem to flirt with men. I don't know why. It seems like it would be so much easier to be a guy, does the fact that I think that mean I would be happier as one? Was I meant to be a guy? How can you be so sure of something like that? It's just so confusing, it gets all muddled in my head.
And when I'm finally sure of something, another thing always screws it up. I don't know.

I guess I'm just kind of ranting, I'm not sure what advice I'm asking for... Well, thanks--whoever read this huge thing.

I'm sorry that I don't really have answers but wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you.

Working out who you are and your sexuality is always an extremely hard thing. Personally, I believe that there is a spectrum of sexuality -people don't necessarily always 'fit' into categories of straight or gay.

Give it time, and take it slow Eventually you should be able to find something you are comfortable with - whether that be attraction to only male, only female, personalities (independent of gender) etc.

I think you should just, and I hate to say this, but do what feels right. That is dangerous advice to give, but here I think it is a good plan. Doing what feels right can get you in big trouble so you must set limits for yourself such as not breaking any laws or hurting anyone. (without their consent) You could flirt with men because that is what society expects of you or you expect from yourself. There are so many possible reasons you act like you do, I would concentrate on the now opposed to what has happened in the past. If you like to flirt with guys, do. I you want to flirt with girls, do. If you want to flirt with girls in front of the men to drive them crazy, do.




And as soon as you are done playing with your ‘bean’ and thinking about women does the woman you fantasized about still turn you on? If immediately after you orgasm you are still attracted to women and like the idea of being with a woman, I feel, you would be safe in a physical relationship with a woman. Or you could have both girl and a guy at the same time. The girl for your pleasure and to make your dreams a real and a man to satisfy you need for ‘normalcy.’




Don’t think about it too much. Brains have ruined many a sexual escapade. Keep yourself safe and then just follow your heart. Wow that sounded sappy. Ok here try this……..Keep yourself safe and then just do what feels good. Well, that sounded dangerous. Now I am doing what I told you to avoid, overthinking.



Go for it!

Thank you catgoesmeow and Kant! Your advice to just not think about it too much and giving it time makes so much sense, and I'm gonna try. I can put it out of my head most of the time, but sometimes, I don't know. People judge other people so quickly that having a definite identity is almost like a survival tool, you know? But yeah.

And, Kant, I'm attracted to girls afterwards too--all the time. And I could definitely feel comfortable in relationship with one, I think about it a lot. But, I don't know--maybe it is a need to be normal, but if I'm a lesbian then why do I consistently flirt with guys and end up in relationships with them? Maybe being aware of this will help me not do it. It's just when I meet a guy it seems like it's predisposed that there could be a possible relationship. It's like it starts out before I even get a chance to say anything. My friend said that my personality is flirty, it's just that girls don't pick up on it because I'm usually around straight ones? I don't know. Oh jeez. I'm overthinking it again, aren't I?

Well, anyway, thanks again for your comments and support!

I can completely related. I have never had a relationship with a woman but I think they are beautiful. I picture being with a man long term but I think it's just because it's all I know. I have friends that are in a same sex relationship and marriage and they are really happy.

When I masterbate I think of women and I look at porn of women sometimes. I think they are beautiful and they just really turn me on.

The catch is, idk if i can picture myself dating a woman. I like men, but m not really physically attracted to them. They are cute, but I could take it or leave it, when it comes to sex with a man.

I just broke up with my boyfriend of a year bc it just wasn't there. He was wonderful and my best friend, essentially.... I just don't know how to explore, per say?

Just do what feels right to you. Understand that getting yours is going to require giving someone theirs. Don't define yourself. Do what you do for you. Some other people may apply labels to you, but is what goes on in your bedroom really any of their business? Your sexuality is between you and who you choose to share it with. No on else. Have fun, confuse people!

@doggiedo: Yeah, I feel the same way. It's hard to change directions if you've already set yourself up as one.

@Kant: Well, I do enjoy confusing people. Thanks for all the advice!

Hi.

Welcome to PC.

There is a GLBT social group here at PC. You can join us if you want. We have our own forum. We also have a group chat on Wednesday nights at 9pm Est. If you would like to come to chat, join the social group and PM myself or Notz for the password.

I agree with the others that you should do what feels right. You can also be attracted to both men and women. It isn't that you can only be attracted to one gender. I am sorry that your mom has been abusive and is not supportive. Does your school have a Gay Straight Alliance or something similar that you can join?

I hope that you find your answers.

Hi googley. I'd love to join the group.

I've considered the fact that I'm bi, but what always bothers me is that I don't feel the same about men and women. I know I'm attracted to women but I'm always in relationships with men. I don't know, it's difficult to describe... My school did have one that I was a part of a few years ago as an ally, but seeing as now it's summer and next year I'm going to college I doubt it'd help me much. Thanks for your help!

I might join too but idk if I identify clearly with one population or the other- does that matter? I'm just looking for guidance.

Also I went online and developed a username and password or a local dating site, which one of my friends suggested. It was helpful in the sense that I was excited to do it but once I saw who I was matched up with I got really really nervous. I didn't think any of them were attractive - does that mean I'm scared or just not attracte to those women? Maybe it's too eager of a step for me right now. Idk. How should I proceed? I deleted my account the same day btw- lol