Sexual issues and fantasies that I'm confused about?

This is an odd question about sexuality, I'm female, and I'm 20 years old. I seriously am confused with my sexual preferences. For a long time I didn't like the male body (in my early teens) I thought it was ugly, and the thought of intercourse was kind of disgusting. But now I can't quit thinking about it. It's almost like my sexual fantasies are running my life. But only the idea of sex. I've never had sex, the thought of actually doing the act makes me uncomfortable, but the idea if it controls my whole day. I think about it on the constant, and I can't help but be almost compulsive with masturbating, almost every day I'm doing it. And when I stay the night somewhere or go to families house, when I get back it's all I think about doing.

And I think it might be my lack of sexual experience, but it's making me explore other fetishes when I watch porn, that I would never do physically, but it's all that's in my mind. Also I find it weird that I can be turned on, not by something gross directly, but the gross things don't stop the want to masturbate. I can be watching a horror movie and get the sudden urge to masturbate, to which I'll pause and do so, and then continue the movie. I also have weird thoughts of often being controlled as in being submissive to another man, even though I see myself as not being a submissive type of person mentally, and these are all done in my head, but not by people I can actually obtain, only celebrities.

With the celebrities I often attach to one for a time, being completely enamored with them and only them for a period of months and then I will switch. And they are often different, but have personality traits that I admire. I start to act like they do or dress like they do, change the way I talk, and my speech ticks like they do and think about them sexually on the constant. But I'm never attracted to people I can actually obtain. I often without realizing it will be attracted to someone between the ages of 37-41. And I'm sure it has to do with the whole "Electra complex" thing which I like to look passed because I don't admire my father at all.

I will imagine this sort of relationship with them in my head like, I'll be watching a movie and think about what it would be like for them to be next to me as my boyfriend and then I watch the movie in my fantasy like I daydream while doing normal things. I like to act things out with pictures of them in front of me, like a faux scene in a movie and such, and try to dream about them every night, and I'll often touch my own face or hold my other hand like intertwining my fingers trying to get it to look like their hand is holding mine.

These daydreams control my whole day. I can be doing one thing and have a daydream while doing something else. I can daydream and do regular things at the same time.

I'm just confused and I know this is a long post but I've never mentioned it to anyone in my life, so I'm hoping to get a little insight.

Hey there. I hope I can be of some help to you.

I don't think it's very unusual for the idea of actually having sex to be somewhat uncomfortable, particularly if you've never had it before. Provided you're not uncomfortable enough for the idea to be totally foreign to you (which isn't per se a bad thing, it's just meaning it's not up your ally ), I would say you're okay there. As far as your thoughts and frequency of masturbation, it could very simply mean you have a high libido, which, again, is just fine. Even the things you mentioned such as wanting to once you get home and stopping movies to do so I think can be attributed to a high libido (and if we're being perfectly honest, sounds like myself at times ). I would tell you as long as it doesn't affect your day to day functions (ie "I was late/missed class today because _____"), you're just fine.

Fantasizing about celebrities is totally normal, but I do think it is curious you mentioned the Electra Complex and the age being a factor. I'm not a doctor, and I can only hazard guesses, but I'm wondering if some sort of subconscious desire for a strong father figure (you mentioned you weren't close with your own) is at play? Your emulation of your chosen celebrity and your admiration of certain constant traits is what signals that to me. I would love the input of another member there, but that's my closest guess. I might consider talking to a professional about that particular aspect.

Also, as far as the porn thing goes, don't worry much about that. Porn allows us to explore venues we wouldn't dare do IRL. Provided your viewing doesn't become excessive and you don't desensitize yourself to "vanilla" sex, I'd say you're good to go.

I would, though, tell you to not let your celebrity fantasies take you "off the market," so to speak.

I hope I was of some help to you, and I wish you my best.

It sounds like you're ready to discover yourself as a sexual being and it's time. That doesn't mean you should run right out and have sex (though one day, you will), just that it's time to figure out what you're interested in. I have days where I masturbate several times and watch a lot of porn. Just because most people don't talk about it openly doesn't mean they aren't doing it. It's fun and it's a risk free way to try it out a little. Give yourself a break and see where your mind takes you. Oh, and a vibrator wouldn't kill you if you don't already have one.

I see nothing wrong with it like Harley said as long as it is not taking over your daily life. I love to masturbate. I have a saying if I can't please myself than how can I expect a man to be able to please me. I would say may be get yourself a toy if you don't already own one. Toys are a good way to get more pleasure than just want your fingers can do. As for the porn thing I pretend that I am against porn but in all reality I love watching porn. It is not to the point though that it takes over my life. I feel dirty sometimes watching it but other times it turns me on. When it comes to the celebirty thing I have mine that I sometimes think about when I masturbate my biggest one is Daniel Radcliffe the guy that plays Harry Potter. I have a thing for guys like that. Just don't let it take over your life and your fine. Masturbation is perfectly normal.

OK, having read that I now understand why I do not find porn anything beyond amusing. I have never been able to understand how people get attracted to celebrities. What is the big deal?? How can you get attracted to someone who is not accessible and whom you do not know? Exists as a screen image only? I just do not get it. It has never happened to me and I doubt that ever will. I have only ever liked real, ordinary, non-celeb people.

But now having read it, I see what the deal is - it is part of day dreaming, i.e. fantasy life.

Thanks for shedding light on it - ever since my teenage girlfriends went crazy over rock stars, I have been pondering this phenomenon without success.

I think you are having a desire for intimacy. I think for a 20 year old it is natural to want to explore that. I think porn is one way, as well as phantasying what it would be like to be with a celebrity. Hormones can be a big part of it. I don't know what is like for a woman, but I was 19 when I first had sex and for a year that was about all that went through my head. I chalk it up to growing up and testosterone from being active. My body pushing me to do what people do ya know?

Maybe the celebrity thing is due to not having anyone around you that you feel attracted to and connected with. I'm not saying run out and get sex, but have you thought about dating someone? Getting to know someone and falling in love may help with all these urges. Feeling connected to someone else and enjoying having someone in your life.

Personally, exploring sexuality was very pleasurable for me. Learning what feels good, and connecting with another person in that way. I can't really explain what it is like, but I found it very enjoyable. Not just the sex part, but also the connection part. I hope this helps.