trans

as a kid, i guess i was normal. i was born a girl, had a lot of girl toys. tho i enjoyed playing soccer and later around at age 9 i played at gym class at school, i was the goal keeper. then i started closing to myself, like i thought i was weird, i felt something was wrong... i got into a new school and there it all began to get worse, tho i could talk to people there, i didnt keep in touch outside school. and i started getting more anxious, since i was a kid i would sweat a lot (mom remembers i'd almost fall off my feet for they'd be wet lol) and it started to get worse
in high school i discovered about trans. and i started to do a lot of research on it, and i started to think... so i related to it, i really do feel like i'm male, thinking of my childhood makes me confused but i only started to feel good about myself when i started thinking of myself like that, and got proper clothes for example.
once my mom told me: i'm never going to shop in the boys section with you. haha
well, today i'm seeing a therapist to try to get a treatment to change. i want to take testosterone, i wear man clothes (and have some trouble with it because i dont have much money, never had patience to shop too, stuff like that) and have cut my hair short for a couple of years now. i'm turning 21 in november and i hate when people ask my age (or when someone i know, as my parents, tell my age to someone) because i really dont look so, i look like a 14 year old boy lol and i always get troubled to say my name to new people too.
plus, my parents are religious, and they keep thinking back of my childhood, they say i am living a lie. i had a lot of trouble til they accepted getting me into therapy (he's speciallized in sex theme, you know?) i guess they accepted it because they believe he's gonna change my mind

Good luck with your transition and I hope your family comes round soon

i've noticed there aren't very much (in fact i have seen none) people on this subject in this forum, so i'm bringing this up so i can be sure and keep looking for help

Hey kyo,

I'm sure there are other transexual people around here...aren't there?

I think it's awesome that you've figured yourself out at such a young age. I hope the transition works out well for you. I also hope your family comes around to accepting you.

I am personally not trans, but I'm a lesbian and I am androgynous. I wear my hair short and crazy (often bed head) I wear boys clothes and despite being 26 I look like, and get mistaken for, a teenaged boy often enough. It doesn't bother me so much seeing as how it's the way I'm most comfortable.

I can't relate to your particular situation, but I can relate to experiencing some negative reactions to my sexual identity. It's very hard, especially when families come into play -- those people who we feel should have our back at all times and be our sanctuary of support and love. I think it's a load of crap that people think they can 'change someone's mind'...but hey, that's homophobia for you...

If someone is a certain way I don't understand why it's such a big deal for other people to accept...I'm the lesbian, my family isn't the lesbian, what's the big deal? Then it gets into social appearances and what not..."Oh if we bring our lesbian kid she'll embarass us. They'll ask if she's our son and we'll be forever socially alienated" Get over it mom and dad, find some new friends.

Would your parents, and your therapist be willing to sit down and have a chat? The therapist shouldn't be the one to knock some 'sense' into you but could maybe could knock some 'sense' into them...well no lol, but at least explain that being transexual is actually a normal thing?

"I hate the word homophobia. It's not a phobia. You are not scared. You are an ********." -Morgan Freeman

Am late responding, just wanted to say hi and let you know there are other trans guys lurking around here. Best wishes!

Hi there kyo,

I am....a mess lol, if I am trans I'm suppressing it because I love my relationship with my girlfriend...I would love to hear from another ftm myself.

So this therapist of yours...oye, the more someone tells you to be someone you are not, the more depressed you are going to be. What would it feel like to have a therapist that actually encourages you to explore your thoughts?

When I let myself explore some things, I realized...

-I don't like my boobs, I want to wear a binder (I actually just ordered one online) http://www.lesloveboat.com/shop/index.php?cPath=77

-sometimes I imagine what it would feel like to pee standing up with a prosthetic

well those are the two most stereotypical thoughts maybe, I'm pretty self conscious, waiting for someone to tell me I'm not a man, so I donno.

Oh hey the girl toys-when we are young, toys are just toys, we don't assign gender to things until we are older...my parents still have a pic of me in a tutu that really pisses me the **** off. Yeah kids are so free of any gender bias, a toy is a toy when you're young.

Kyo, I just found out my best friend is ftm, I hate saying that..I have a guy friend that you might be able to talk to you, if you want, and I'll ask her too if he would be willing...cuz he is so cool about talking, especially because he asks you questions that are more "yes you might be trans" then "no, that is not a trans quality. Does that make sense? It might if you talk to this person, who is not on PC.

If nothing else, I can ask you 19million questions and we can explore these things together lol

take care,
obj

As you now know, your gender identity is not something you choose. Its not a mental illness or shameful. It doesn't surprise me that you didn't notice that you identified with males rather than felmales. Before puberty starts, with their clothes on, kids look pretty much the same. There is some bias in each gender, "kooties", things like that, but so far, no real transition of child to young man or woman.

Once puberty sets in, someone with gender identity disorder starts to feel the pressure. In your case, FTM, you probably really didn't care what the girls were doing as far as rites of passage, makeup, boy chasing and whatever else they do. You probably wanted to keep playing with the guys, but they were starting their own rites of passage and wanted nothing to do with you as just one of the guys. They might even have thought you were a strange girl. That leaves you in nowhere land, confused and wondering what is wrong with you.

Its not unusual for people not to realize that they can do something about having their physical gender changed. No one really talks about it except if they are insulting someone or joking around. T.V. shows across the board portray transgenders as weird, psychopathic or sex fiends. Its not about sex. Its about gender and there is a difference. The fact that you may be attracted to girls is secondary. There is more to gender identity than sexual preference.

If you believe you are a transgender, you need to find someone experienced in helping transgenders. Not all Dr.s are, and they can do more damage than good. There is a process you need to go through before starting hormones or having surgery. Sadly, insurance still considers gender identity disorder a mental illness. Your brain went one way and your body another. Having your body transformed to fit the way you feel is a great relief, but it will take time.
There may be a transgender support population near you that will be able to send you to someone who specializes in it. Find an online group near you (there are far more than people would think), and see what they can offer.

Sam2

I wish I could figure out how to deal with my feelings. I know I'm not transgender but I am transable or have BIID. I have found that it us basically the same feelings as being in the wrong body but in a different way. I know its hard to understand but I have a need to be in a wheelchair as I don't feel my legs should work or be a part of me. I have been to so many therapists and on so many meds and no one understands it enough to treat it and its not even in the dsm-v. I know I'm not the only one but I can truly relate to you all I just wish there was s way to treat this and am a bit jealous that you can be treated