Age question.

Hey everyone, not been on much recently. Hope we are all well!

So I just wondered what is everyone's opinion on an acceptable age difference between a guy and girl. You see I've met an amazing guy, but he's in his 30's and I'm only 18. My parents were very young when they had me so are also in their 30's which may also be why I'm unsure if its considered "ok''.

Me and my boyfriend haven been going through a rough spot since getting back together, in that he's totally vanilla and doesn't know I'm into bdsm, he thinks its very mild 50 shades style. I've found myself straying and flirting with other guys who would also own me and be my master.. Which makes me feel terrible.

I have been wondering anyway, back to my initial question, what everyone's opinions are on age differences? I am trying to not give in to temptation, and am being loyal to my guy as I try and corrupt him ( I joke)..

Do you think age doesn't matter as long as its legal? Or do you think there's a limit so to speak? How old are you, and at what age for yourself would you draw the line? I personally also think the male should be older-- does anyone else share this opinion? x

I have been with males from 30 years older to 1 year younger. I do not see a problem in your situation. Since I am vanilla, I cannot form a helpful opinion on the bdsm part of your equation, but age-wise, you are OK.

The only thing... the age difference is diminished over time. Your age difference is 12 years. My ex 2nd H was 12 years older than me and I can tell you that it is nothing, BUT we started off with me being 26. The difference between 26 and 38 is smaller than that between 18 and 30, and the difference between 38 and 50 is yet smaller.

Still, you will be OK.

I was once married to a much older man than I. I was 17 and he was 34 at the time. I already had a daughter. we stayed together for 10 yrs and at first had a wonderful relationship. now I am 55 and he is 72! not together now of course but yes eventually the age will start to show. it will make a difference and hon you can't change a person. if he is not into the same things you are it just won't work out. no matter the age.

I don't think the age thing itself is so much of an issue...I'd tell you whatever makes you happy is what's good for you. To each their own...I know I'm a little more strict with my own age preference, but that doesn't make it right or wrong per se.

I am, though, concerned about what your parents would think...from their perspective, you're seeing someone as old as they are. That's going to be awkward, to say the very least. I'm not sure how well that aspect is going to work out. Additionally, I think you owe it to your current boyfriend to end things with him before seeking anyone else. It'll save you both a lot of unnecessary complications and heartache in the end.

Additionally, biggest thing I'm curious of...lol if he doesn't know you're into BDSM, how can he potentially act on that part of your life? I will confess, I'm not overly BDSM savvy, so I might be understating the problem here, but could you perhaps talk to him and let him know this is something important to you? He might be more receptive than you give him credit for. It just may require some communication and education for him.

Take care, and all my best.

Harley

That age difference used to be very common (including being the parents' age peer).

Well yes, but it's changed a lot. Either way, it's ultimately a matter of whether or not Submissive is okay with it. I only included my own preference as a point of comparison, and the parental reaction as a possible point of consideration.

That is true - when I was with men older than my parents, I was already living on my own in another country so the parents were completely out of the picture . Nope, wrong - I did introduce my dad to one lover who was older than him and it was very awkward. So, you are right.

But Submissive's folks are older than the guy - not by much, but still, a little older.

OP, does the guy look and conduct himself younger than the parents, or not?

Age difference varies. Do what feels comfortable. I wouldn't date anyone younger than me, but I wouldn't date anyone more than five years older, but that's just me and not a black and white thing. If someone is worth it, age shouldn't stop you.

Thanks everyone.

He does seem to, but then again me and my parents don't get on often so they are kinda uptight

I didn't mean to meet this guy thus way. He said.. "Your gorgeous, naughty, filty minded and I would love to **** you hard lol. I know I shouldn't because you have a boyfriend and I normally don't go for girls your age but there's something about you that's very attractive. Its been 10 months since I last had any fun, not because I'm short of offers because I'm not, I'm just choosy and picky and then next girl is gonna have to be something special. I think you could be it babe. This is bad"

He says this is bad, so I think he thinks about it in the same way?

I love my guy so much, he means more to me than anyone else in the world. To loose him would tear bus both apart. I feel like a terrible person for having doubts, but it can be suffocating that he has our entire lives planned out for us. He didn't take me seriously when I spoke about bdsm. He's into a bit of lighthearted spanking and bondage very rarely. He doesn't believe or doesn't want to about my past ways. I want nothing more than for him to own me, but he'd look at me like a loon if I said that to him!

I guess I'm just craving fun and a bit of freedom.
I've been told why don't I ask if he'll let me have a play partner, but let's be honest a vanilla guy is never going to consent to let a guy hurt his girl and it probably wouldn't feel right to me either.

I don't think I'm going to do anything about this other guy,

I think you have been given some sound advice here. On a personal note, my Father is married to a woman I went to school with, and they have been together since I was 22. And also my daughter's partner is just a few years younger than I am; and she has been with him since she was 18 and they have 2 children now. Both of these relationships are working. My own husband is a year younger than me, but a year is nothing. I honestly think, age is in the mind, and should only be a number, not a restriction. Love is blind, if you fit, you fit and people should not judge x

My husband is 12 years older than I am. It is fairly normal now. If I were 18 a difference of 12 years would be another matter. There is a lot difference in maturity at that point and it is something that you would need to think about. When you want to hang out with people your age, he may feel out of place.

On the other end, I realize that I may end up being a widow for a long time when I am elderly knowing that women usually live longer than men

No doubt two people can be sexually compatible with a significant age difference, but there is a lot more to a life long marriage than sex

I don't know if sex is the only thing this guys interested in either! Is it wrong I think that I'd like that?

The biggest age difference I've had w/ a guy was 8 yrs. He'd been married and divorced w/ a child. My parents hated him. But it didn't matter to me. He was immature and I can see why things didn't work out for him and his x wife. But that relationship didn't last for us either.

How old is to old. Hummm. Age is in your heart. Some older men are more active then younger men. Some 80 yr olds are more active then 40 year olds, look at a gym. A friend of mine just got married . She is 38 and he is 58. She requires physical therepy and he cares because he has been married twice prior and both of his wives have passed away. (cancer and car accident) It makes him the wonderful understanding person that he is. His children are 2 years younget then his wife is now. Yikes. But he is a good man, My friend is very insecure and needs a father figure and to be taken care of emotionally and physicially. He can do that. They love one another. It is weird because he is the same age as her dad. But after her dad met him and they talked alot about many things her dad was very happy to have him marry his daughter. Being older he could take care of her and her daughter from a previous marriage in a way that a younger man may not be willing. After finding out about his previous marriages and how they ended he had empathy for the man. He knew he was not marring his daughter just for sex. Since he is so much older and his health is declining already sex might be an option but wild crazy sex not so much. They are both vanilla by the way.

I agree w/ who ever said it. If you are both not on the same page sexually then it might not work out anyway. Not to be disheartening or anything.

I'm 18 and the guy I'm talking to is almost 24.

Only you can prevent neurotypical jerkiness!

This is all good advice but my advice is don't take anyone's advice.
Love will make its own way no matter what anyone tells you or what you tell yourself.
Staying with the guy because many people tell you it's OK isn't actually a relationship between you and him.
It could blind you to your actual relationship with him and prolong it when it should break up.
Or it could break things up simply because you're judging it on outside influences.

Keep an open mind and see if you are still interested when you are 22. There really are a lot of changes going from 18 to 21 and you will not be the same person. He probably will.

Inedible very sound advice. When you have been w/ a person and get to know who they really are you might think a little differently. Or you may be certin this is the guy for you. You can't rush love. You wouldn't rush into buying a car, you wouldn't rush into buying a house, don't rush love either. Cars and Houses the bank can take back. Relationships you can't take back.

I've gotta confess, I'm not overly a fan of his message to you...just sorta rubs me the wrong way. Dunno...can't really put a finger on it. :/ I'm concerned, I suppose, that he's primarily interested in sex, given how quickly it was brought up. My fear, then, would be that the rest is only "fluff." But that's my suspicious side kicking in.

As far as your current BF goes, he owes it to you to take it seriously. I can understand his situation...I'm open minded, or so I like to think, but the concept of hurting my partner in any capacity is unthinkable to me. I appreciate his naivety in the subject, as it's likely close to my own, but he owes you to at least field the discussion with you in a serious manner. That's not a promise that it'll click...but he does, at least, need to communicate with you.