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Vicrenee
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Trig Jan 15, 2013 at 03:14 PM
  #1
I recently found nude pictures of my step daughter. Also that she has been doing various sex acts with the boyfriend. I talked to her about it and that she was pressured and felt trapped. She said she won't do it again. Now I can't look at her the same. At times I see her as my daughter but other times the sex acts she done and those pictures pop in my mind and I see her like that. Why would me finding this out make me sexually attracted to her now. I was never like this before but after the pictures I am. I raised her sister who is attractive and I never felt like this with her.
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BlueInanna
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Default Jan 15, 2013 at 09:09 PM
  #2
It's a trick of your mind. Get rid of the pictures and remind yourself it's just not ok to think of her like that. You are her protector. Respect her privacy and her personal pictures.

Maybe a man would have a better answer for you. Or your therapist?
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Sam2
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Default Jan 19, 2013 at 08:09 PM
  #3
Stepdaughter or daughter. Its pretty much the same. Without knowing you, I couldn't say why you feel that way, but if it were me, I would find it very disturbing. At nineteen, she is a young adult, and should have her privacy.

Seriously, it might be a good idea to find out why you are having those feelings by seeing a therapist. I doubt it will shock them. They have heard worse. Get some guidance before you wind up acting on your feelings.

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Default Jan 22, 2013 at 05:36 PM
  #4
I think that everybody is entitled to their unusual thoughts etc., but your problem, it seems to me, on this thread as on the other one, is the shifting of the problem from where it belongs to somewhere else. You do not need help with raising daughter - your daughter is engaged in normal age-appropriate activities which are private to her. You need help with your ideation, so to speak.
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Default Jan 29, 2013 at 04:57 PM
  #5
I can also tell you that: when I had a neuropsych evaluation in 2009, I told the psychologist about sexual molestation when I was a teen, from time to time, by my father. The neuropsychologist who knows the system very, very well, having worked in the VA for more than thirty years in addition to private practice, said that it is very common and that when it is reported, counseling is automatically recommended and the criminal justice system is NOT invoked. He said that our halls of justice would have been unable to deal with the load otherwise. I have not verified his figures but that is what he said. At any rate, he was not impressed at all. When he learned that my mother threatened suicide in my presence when I was 12, he was impressed and immediately dx'd me with PTSD. He is wrong - I do not have a PTSD, at least not now, I do not have flashbacks or anything like that and I have recently processed this memory and incorporated it into my life history as one of the many unusual things that my mother did. Sexual molestation in adolescence, by contrary, did have its repercussions and confused me etc. I will still need to work with a T in regards to sexual molestation but not in regards to the threatened suicide. So for me personally molestation was more significant and detrimental, but statistically, based on the reaction I got from the neuropsychologist who was clearly in the know, fathers molest their daughters much more frequently than mothers threaten suicide in their daughters' presence.

And that is just people who ACT on attraction to their daughters. Imagine how many people experience it but do not ACT on it! So it must be the case that you are clearly not alone. I imagine that you must be very troubled by this attraction and wish it would go away. For that you probably need therapy. Certainly therapists have heard all you have to say many times, and worse, but you never know whom you would hire and just in case it might be some over-zealous trigger-happy T eager to report, I would write a text explaining that you have ideation that bothers you and that you have no plans whatsoever to act on this ideation and have never had such plans but would like therapy to process the incident and make the ideation go away.
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shezbut
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Default Feb 01, 2013 at 01:52 AM
  #6
Hello,

I am a bit confused by some of the responses that you've gotten (about your daughter being an adult). She is 15 y.o., right? She isn't an adult ~ she is still very young and innocent. It is perfectly normal to be pushing rules and limits...but I would certainly be upset if I found nude photos of my daughters at that age!!

IMO, it's completely inappropriate and dangerous of the girls to give into their bf's desires at 15. They need to learn about themselves, how to protect themselves from sleazy guys, and how to know when the right time (and right guy) is. They have to protect themselves, especially at 15, it's a crucial age!! Stuff like that gets on FB awfully quickly & they'd be dealing with major shame. So, I would certainly sit down and have a serious talk with my girls considering my role as being their mom. No, I wouldn't say that the photos are hers. I'd say "hand them over to me now, we will cut them up together" in order to protect her self-worth and self-esteem. That's absolutely vital!

Regarding your sexual feelings, I don't know. I have had strange sexual thoughts pop into my head a few times over my life ~ thoughts that I would NEVER act upon. Honestly, just thinking about X made me feel horrible and I'd go into a huge self-kicking period. A few months ago, I finally admitted it to my T (therapist) and questioned my sanity and general humanity. He assured me that it wasn't unusual or sick to have unwanted thoughts pop into my head from time to time. The important part, of course, is whether or not I choose to act upon the thoughts. My T explained it as just a random thought. Like a memory popping in your head while showering of a time when you and Y did Z together years ago. Does that mean that you miss Y? No, not necessarily. You go on with your life and the thought quickly fades away. If you obsess over it, the thought isn't going to go away ~ whether or not you miss Y! You'll just have more and more thoughts about Y, bringing up a lot of anxiety and confusion regarding Y and the life that you currently lead.

My point is, let go of those thoughts. Yes, your daughter is pretty. Now, let go. Your family needs to work through the pressures that your daughter has: what she has to do in order to feel pretty and/or sexy. Work together to come up with healthy activities that she's interested in following ~ like Dance, acting, sports, art, etc. Just some ideas ..give her some healthy activities to help her feel good about herself and pass the time in a healthy way while she matures.

That's my advice...

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