Relationship Confusion

I don't know if this is the best place to post this but I think it is... When I was 14 I was taken advantage of by this guy I had just gotten out of a 2 year relationship with. After that I threw myself at every guy who looked my way, which in turn caused me to have my heart broken lots of times. I am 19 years old now and after being used and hurt by every guy ive ever known, I am engaged to this guy I really love. We fight a lot at times but I love him and he'd never take advantage of me. But, recently after being with this guy for over a year, I love him but it's a weird kind of love. I am emotionally attracted and attached to him, but girls seem to be the only thing to peak my interest as far as looks... I mean, don't get me wrong I think my fiancee is very good looking, it just doesnt peak my interest like it used to. I feel safe with him, and I do love him so it makes it very confusing... I am bisexual but I feel more attracted to girls... I just wonder is anyone can make any sense out of this or if someone has been through the same thing, and if so what do you think? Because I'm very confused. I'm happy with my fiancee, I just feel like a very big part of me is missing and idk why :/

Does your fiance know about your bisexuality and attraction to other women? Until you can decide on which gender you are more attracted to, a marriage might not be able to withstand that sort of pressure. A therapist may be able to help you work out your feelings. Regardless of whether it is women or men, roving eyes can really do a number on a marriage. If there is going to be a problem, better it happen before you exchange vows.

You need to do some serious soul searching. Be honest with yourself. Unless you are ready to give up all others, male and female, and be loyal to the guy you love, the marriage will be in trouble before it has a chance to start.
I wish I had better answers for you.

Sam2

You are too young to get married. Your priority should be your education. That, regardless of the confusion about orientation. For a perfectly straight girl who is your age, the priority should still be education, not marriage. You do not just have relationship confusion but priorities confusion.

Sam2- Yes he knows that I am bisexual and he doesn't have a problem with that. It's just a lot of memories are coming back from the past and that is basically when all the confusion started. Maybe it's just because he is a guy and I'm so used to being afraid of guys, that I can only feel safe lately when we aren't doing sexual things, even though I know if and when I do say no he doesn't try to pressure me. I do feel more attracted to girls a lot of the time because no girl has ever hurt me or taken advantage of me. But I do love my fiancee and he deserves the chance to prove he isn't the same. He has been trying to help me by being there for me when I have bad dreams or the memories come up. I don't know I'm probably sounding stupid I'm just going through everything in my head.
hamster-bamster- Thanks for reading and commenting and trying to help. I however do not really think I am too young to get married. Age isn't the problem. I know people in their 30s or 40s who have gotten married and divorced within 10 years, but I also know people who were my age when they got married and have been happily married for years and are still very in love. I do agree that I should know my orientation before I decide for sure to get married, but the age factor is something I have never agreed with, and trust me I have heard it a lot. I am in college full time, and I have a job and so does he. We live together and basically live like we're married anyway. I will graduate from college next March so the education thing I have covered. I would like to find a better job so I am in the process of looking for a better one, while still working the one I have now until I find a better one. The confusion has not been there through our whole relationship, it started when the guy who did some very bad things to me tried to contact me and since then it's been bad as far as my mind goes. How exactly do I have priority confusion just because I'm getting married? I'm not being rude I would just like to know. We also aren't planning on getting married until after I graduate college. Again, nothing I said was meant to sound rude, I just thought I should further explain.

Great job with college and work! That makes me feel better. Your age still makes the marriage more likely to end up in divorce I believe... I think that I have read that in the US early marriages on average yield more divorces. Try to see for yourself http://www.census.gov/hhes/socdemo/marriage/. But even if it is eventually a divorce, it is still not a failure but a life experience. As long as you do not put the factors that lead to financial indepence on the back burner, it is totally OK to experiment with an early marriage.

Thanks. I know a lot of people who marry young don't make it, but a lot of older people also do not make it. I have never been one to really follow the crowd so, I'm betting it will be different with me.

I had a friend many years ago... I lost track of her and her name is so common, like Jane Doe... the Internet does not help me find her.

She was your age and just a year or two younger than me.

She worked as a fashion model. Not top model but still. She started modelling late, and you cannot make it to the top unless you start young. She was tall with good legs and absolutely gorgeous red hair. And, I still remember it, very nearsighted.

She was super sweet and nice with me. And, I believe, with a couple of common girldriends, who, like me, were single back then but later went on to get married and have children. All straight without a question, except for the redhead model.

As straight as I am, I swear, had she asked I would have said sure, because she was just so nice.

We all wondered about her orientation but did not talk to her.

Then she married. The guy was a computer programmer. Good looking, thin, with delicate facial features and delicate personality. The opposite of macho.

They shared a bed, but, according to her, did not have sex. So she was probably confused about her orientation and found a guy who stood by her through the confusion. Not every guy would agree to that. She found the right one.

Eventually they split up, but in a totally civilized manner, amicably without fights or anything like that. So it was a fine life experience for both, it just did not last forever.

And then I lost track of both.

ok... what does that mean exactly?

That while most men prefer a straight wife, there are some unconventional, flexible guys who would live with a woman who is confused though maybe not forever. You mentioned not doing sexual things together with your fiance lately, and my confused friend omitted sex altogether in her marriage. So everything is possible. As long as your husband is flexible. Your fiance from your description of him definitely seems flexible.

I mean we have sex at times, but not as much as we used to... And it's just been recently that these feelings are showing up because the guy that took advantage of me has been trying to contact me again recently and it's bringing back old memories...
But, something happened today that reminded me of how much I really care for my fiancee. I was at the bridal shop looking for dresses. As soon as I picked one out to try on mine and his song came on in the store. I picked out several more dresses and tried them on. I finally tried one on that I absolutely fell in love with, and it just so happened to be the one that I had picked up right when our song had come on... Idk I just kind of took that as a sign.

Does seem like a good omen!

I know that's what I thought... idk maybe im just scared cause ive never let myself really deal with what happened to me a few years ago...

you probably need a third party to help you. Such as a therapist. So that the burden of it is not all on you and the fiancé.

Idk I wish I could go to one, but we can't afford that right now and I haven't been able to get on health insurance. I feel so screwed up right now that I cannot even function in every day things like work and school. All I want to do is sleep and eat and the thing is I used to be borderline annorexic, now I eat a lot and everytime I eat I get depressed cause I'm ashamed of myself. I recently had to stop cutting and after I stopped I started eating a lot more and I don't like it at all. I'm gaining weight and want to hurt myself at the same time. I do not like this at all and I don't know what wrong or how to fix it with no money and no help.

you are highly symptomatic then and do need help. Since you are at school, can't you go to the health center on the college campus?

When you decided to marry him, in what state of mind were you? Were you OK or were you cutting or wanting to cut/not functioning/sleeping and eating/ashamed of yourself etc.etc.?

When we decided to get married my dad had just died a week before. But I do love him, and Idk what is wrong with me lately

You have depression and need treatment. It is pretty simple. I mean - look at your username. You know what is going on with you.

I know I have depression. It's just different and worse than it has ever been... sorry...

I accidentally pressed on your username and was taken to your profile. Wow, what a great picture. Nice hair, nice breasts, nice complexion, nice smile, all very cool! Does not look depressed to me. When was the picture taken?

That picture was taken like almost 2 years ago, when I was still in my hometown with my family and boyfriend and best friends, knew everyone and everyone knew me. I mean I still had a lot of problems going on then, it was just easier to deal with back when I had true friends and I was also on medication at that time the picture was taken.