Help please!!!

My 6yr old son has told both myself and his carer (foster care- long story) that his maternal grandmother makes him wear girls clothes. When I spoke to him about it he seemed scared, kept repeating that he was scared, and has said that she makes him wear "little girls clothes". I am the only female child and my son is her only grandchild so there is no reason for her to have girls clothing.
I have tried to report this but no one is taking it seriously.
To me this behaviour seems like a precursor to sexual abuse but I can't find anything online.
Would you consider it sexual abuse, or a precursor to, and what would you do?

Going out of my mind worrying because this woman was severely physically, emotionally, and psychologically abusive to me when I was a child but no one will stand up to her so she got away with it, and now she is allowed unsupervised access with my son by court order.

There could be a number of reasons for the behaviour, but ultimately she should not be doing what she is. The fact that your son is scared may mean there is more going on.

Has the foster carer gone to his case manager with this information as well? It might help if both of you are speaking about the issue. It may lead to an investigation. If they are still not listening I would suggest asking to speak to a manager. If you think your son is not safe with her I would also be seeking out legal advice about whether the court order can be/needs to be reviewed.

Knowing the system too, they may actually be listening and completing an investigation, however can't release that knowledge to you unfortunately. So there is a chance that they are looking into it but I would be seeking out advise if you think your son is at risk.

I don't know the parameters of what's possible in your country (much less what the long story involving the foster care is), but what you've posted send Red Alerts going off everywhere for me--knowing the little I know. I would be investigating/re-investigating all possible avenues to block unsupervised access.
Is there no way for you to bring charges against her now, for what she did to you?
My heart feels tired and confused, thinking of your dilemma faced with a son over whose life you don't have total control--where your abuser is now permitted by the courts of your land to abuse him. ((((((( Foreign_Soul & son ))))))) * gentle care and blessings *
Roadie

Look into words of other people. How is he in school, or after school care, daycare. Do the teachers see any change in behavior, odd ways of playing, strange ways of relieving stress. Teachers are bound by law to be reporters, so are day care workers. If you let them know what is going on they can save art work, and be looking for signs. Have you tried T. A child psychologist. For foster care issues. No one has to know it is for the potential of something else. They may be able to tell more then we as parents can. Talk to the T and let them know your suspission. They can have a better idea of what to look for. A few sessions and something should show up.

Did some one give grandma girls clothes. You know "I know you have a grand child here are some clothes". Around that age kids are starting to feel weird about changing there clothes in frount of people when it didn't used to matter. Did he have an "accident" where clean clothes were needed or was he muddy and needing clean clothes and girl clothes were all that were availiable.

Just checking. I believe you. I also used to work in day care and know that it is not unusual for those kind of things to happer. Boys in panties, and haltertop. (That's all we had) is the reason. Espicially in day care where a child is left w/ so much time to play and mingle something may come out in his play or if given dolls or dr kits kitchen sets always open up discussions as well. What's your fav. thing that grandma fixes...

I do believe there is reason to be suspicious. I am sorry that no one will listen to you. I do not want to sound like another person who is not listening to you. If you have filed a report that is all you can do until more proof comes along.

I am so sorry this is happening. Please keep us updated.

Hi there. I hope I can help.

I confess, I am limited in what I can offer, as I'm not well versed in Australian law. But I can almost guarantee you that if were able to make a claim (such as getting him to speak about it) that the court would pull the plug on the visitation order almost immediately, I would think. That might be your best course of action.

He is going to be scared...he's embarrassed that this happened, more than likely, and I don't know what his grandmother may've told him. But ease into the conversation...probably over the course of a few days. Remind him that he knows he can tell you anything, and that you love him very much and will understand. He knows that, of course, but bringing it to the forefront of his mind will make things easier. He'll want to know that he can tell you anything, and that he won't be in trouble and that you won't be upset with him. He'll want to know it'll be between just you and him (which...if the situation warrants that you must take action, he'll need to know he didn't do anything wrong, and that though you know you promised, this really needs to be done. That will have to be fully your action as far as filing goes, but he would need to validate your claim with the authorities...he would have to be made comfortable talking to them about it). The point is, ultimately, that you have to relieve whatever fear has been placed on him in order for him to give you the details you need.

I am so sorry you and him are going through this. As I said, my handle on Australian law is extremely vague at best, so I am limited there. However, if I may be of any help, please don't hesitate to PM me at any time. I am here to talk.

Please know you are in my prayers, and I wish you all of my best.

Hugs to you both,
Harley

Thank you, everyone, for your replies. It's good to hear I'm not the only one that finds this behaviour very odd!

As far as my son being in foster care, his maternal grandmother made a false statement to police that Child Protection are choosing to believe, despite my providing them with clear evidence that proves she lied. The fact that so-called "family" refuse to say anything about her abusing me really doesn't help but I'm so used to it- they're more concerned about what will happen to them, despite the statute of limitations having well and truly passed, to do what's right for a child! Government departments here are utterly useless too!

I've spoken to police and they agree that my son's MG's behaviour is very odd and cause for concern but, at this point, there's nothing they can do about it.
My son saw his psychologist this week too but didn't want to talk to her about what's happened, but he knows she's there if he ever does want to talk.

I've also made multiple complaints to Child Protection () which they have continued to ignore for the most part. As far as I am aware they're not investigating but they have made access monitored, which means a worker is with my son and his MG for the first and last 10-15mins of their access, although it took me having a right go at our "worker" for even that to be done! I'm still pushing for completely supervised though as this is not the first time this woman's behaviour has been damaging to my son and I have no doubt there will be more unless she is supervised.

I've been on the phone for most of the morning today and now have the Ombudsman investigating which generally means Child Protection will do what they're supposed to, if for no other reason than they don't want the publicity of subjecting a child to abuse! Child Protection are also required to inform me every step of the way what is happening- they only have the legal right to decide where my son lives and I'm fighting like hell to have even that right removed!

The only possible option left is the possibility of an Intervention Order against the MG and I'm just waiting for a phone call to find out if it is at all possible. If it is I'll be going to the nearest court as soon as possible!

Stressed as hell but getting there. My partner has been great and put up with a lot of ranting from me over the past couple of weeks too!

Thank you everyone for your advice and opinions. It really is appreciated.