Finally Ready to Talk About What Happened in Bedroom

Well, it's been six months since I ended my engagement due to his refusal to stop drinking. That wasn't the only issue...

There were a lot of sexual issues that I didn't discuss because I was so shocked by his sexual behavior.

It's graphic and embarrassing but here goes...

When we first started to sleep over at his house, he told me about how he likes to dress in women's clothes and I tried to keep an open mind. He bought so many women's clothes for himself, that my wardrobe was lacking compared to his. I did some research on transvestites and found the average amount of time a man spends dressed as a woman at home is 65 percent of the time. With him it was 100% of the time. He would make a big production everytime he got dressed and undressed to go out like it was some kind of ritual. He even slept in women's clothes!

He liked dark pantyhose... I thought he was just wearing them, but found out he was masterbating with cheap nylon pantyhose. He would rub himself raw doing it and big patches of skin would peel off of him. I would try and get it off him before he went inside me but wouldn't let me. So there I was thinking about these loose pieces of skin rubbing off inside me. I didn't say anything but I got really grossed out by it.

Sometimes I would get on top of him and he would be wearing his little girl nightgown and talk to me in a little girl voice and say "please don't hurt me". I was majorly freaking out. We were engaged so I tried to explain that a woman hearing a little girl's voice and being on top of someone wearing and little girl's nightgown was really sick.

We tried "doggie style" and I had to explain to a 55 year old man how to do it exactly and it only ended up with him actually laying and putting all his weight on my back...who does that.

One time I was staying up late and he wanted me to come cuddle with him and I told him I had to finish some work. He yelled my name and told me to come cuddle NOW! I asked him if someone asked him to come cuddle by being bossy would he? He said no.

Another time we got into an argument and I wanted to keep in productive and I just said "you've never learned how to talk to a woman even though you are 55 have you" he said no.

The worst thing that happened that broke the camel's back was when I got waxed (in-between the legs). I looked at him looking down at me and he had a look of disgust as though he was poking a half dead road kill animal baked in the sun. Now I am 50 and have had several partners and some said that I looked pretty there but no one has been cruel enough to show that look on their face while looking at my most intimate parts.

Although I have since said I can't handle someone who drinks, dresses up as a woman, doesn't know how to talk to a woman, demands that I cuddle when asking gently works just fine, and makes me feel ugly in the bedroom and doesn't know how to do different positions...the man is 55.

He also said that he was never asked to do forplay before and doesn't feel he should have to...the only places he touched my body ever was the breasts and between the legs... no caressing anywhere else.

Until I started staying at his house, he seemed fine believe it or not.

I can't get that look on his face out of my mind and it's been months...the one where he looked at my vulva like it was roadkill baked in the sun. You know I even asked my gyno to check it out and she said everything looked fine and clean and that I should have said something. Told her I did tell him, but he told me to be quiet and not talk about it. Everytime I talked about it bugging me, he told me to stop.

I also asked him why he never asked anything about me but always talked to me about him, he said he thought he was being rude if he asked about me.

How can a man turn out like this? It's like he's got brain damage. Just want some of my self esteem and rationality back in my life.

Anyone ever gone through any of this?

Phew ! The man has SERIOUS problems ! Sounds like a lucky escape to me. Dressing as a women is one thing but the rest is abnormal, disrespectful and quite gross, to be blunt
The problems are his, and no reflection on you or your lady bits. I'm sure both are just fine. Try not to question your beauty or worth. In time you may even laugh, sad as that sounds, and pity him. The memories will fade and it will be a period of your life that was a nightmare. Feel proud you walked away, imagine if you'd stayed. You'd listen more and more to his crass comments (ridiculously unfounded, and blatant ignorant comments) your self esteem would be eroded by this sick man. Who knows where it would have ended ? As his humiliation and unreasonable behaviour spiralled.
He needs help, and at best a blow up doll he can abuse and demoralise.
What a lucky escape you made. Thank God you're out of there. Good move !

I agree with Ladyzero. I do not believe you should see what happened as any reflection on you or any part of you. This guy has issues, big ones.

I can understand why you feel hurt, but this guy was a complete <insert expletive of choice>. Any man who treats his girlfriend in this way is not worth staying with.

As a 40-year old bloke who has had no luck with the ladies, it hurts me how a lot of men think it's right to treat their partners in this emotionally abusive way. You suggest your self-esteem and rationality has taken a hit. I can safely say you have acted perfectly rational - it's his rationality that's completely off the wall. As for your self-esteem, you should feel proud of yourself for getting rid of him.

Good luck. I hope that helps.

It is sad to see a 55 year old man in this position. A life spent not knowing how else to be. it is not hard to understand why you left. I sure it was for more reasons then sex.

If the gyno said your lady parts are fine then he is the one who is right. Sure they see enough of them in a days time. So your partner at the time is the one who is in the wrong. Sorry this has happened to you. 50 still leaves time to find good sex w/ someone. Or even alone.

The day is young dear, don't waste your time considering what he thought.

I've never been through anything like that, but it sound like you got more that you bargained for. I hope you find a man that knows how to be a man. I think you are better off without that guy.

I'm offended for you, in honesty...how dare he! The cross dressing, okay...to each their own. But everything else...ESPECIALLY the look!

I am so sorry you went through that. I know it sucks being single, but I think you can agree that in this case, it's in all likelihood for the best. I do hope things pick up!

Hugs,
Harley

This was just horrible. So sorry! I hope nothing like this ever happens to you again.

I had a BF who was a cross dresser but he was fun and he never acted like a girl. Sorry if he has hurt your self esteem but he was the one with the problem and good riddance.

I'm really glad you got rid of that sicko you deserve much better than the crap he was serving... I would also like to echo that his behaviour was no reflection on you, hope you heal from this horrible experience soon

^^^^^^^ditto Trippin's post....she said it for me.

((((((((((((((((((catlady))))))))))))))))))))speechless here...glad you got out of it...

hugs...virago

We live in the same city And I am not going to lie, it seems like there is an abnormal amount of assholes here... You didn't do anything wrong. He needs to get some serious help. He sounds like he will be a miserable, lonely old man. Whatever floats his boat. Not all guys are like that (but... It does seem like it...) But I am sure you will find someone who loves you and appreciates you

I have read the post, and all the replies up to this point.

Nutz you used to know me about a year back in the chatroom.

in my honest opinion, you did everything right. you loved him, you tried to be understanding and sensitive to him etcetera.

in the scenario you presented, you not only did everything right, you even went out of your way to try to understand. the doc said your lady parts were fine, more proof you did everything right.

on the other hand as someone with issues of my own I have to ask "do you know any truthful background on how he was brought up or if he was subjected to any abuse that might have made him this way?" I only ask this because it is very likely that there are unknown issues which have caused him to be this way, and personally speaking my issues (not like his) are a direct result of the abuse I suffered on a continuing basis for most of my life.

I am not trying to exonerate his actions, only pointing out that there may be things unknown that caused him to be like that.

yes I most strongly agree that you are better off without him, and that he should be made to get the help and treatment he needs.

but above all else remember that you did everything right in this scenario and the issues are completely his.

personally I cannot imagine how someone could give someone they care about a look like that, but I can understand your reaction to it. disgusted, revolted, sick, and so on. (I have had similar done to me and that is the kind of things I felt because of it)

you are so much better off without him, and even though your self esteem took a bad hit, you did everything right (I cannot point this out often enough) and because you did, you have proven to yourself that you do have the strength and fortitude to handle a situation like this in the future before it ever gets that far.

and hopefully that knowledge and strength will also help you recover from the hit your esteem, value, and confidence have taken from that very disturbed man.

Keep up the stiff upper lip, and smile. remember you are among friends here!