 |
| FAQ/Help |
| Calendar |
| Search |
|
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
Feb 21, 2013 at 06:51 AM
#1
My partner and I have talked about her moving in with me because it's cheaper for both of us, and I also thought that if she was living with me she could do the housework while I was at work.
Anyway, when I mentioned this practical possibility she became upset. In truth both of my considerations are practical, I want to help her financially by having her in my home and also I can see how there is an added bonus that she can do the housework . . . (which she already does at her house) . . . Was this a wrong thing to say or is it just part of a common sense discussion on the realities of moving her in with me? |
 Reply With Quote
|
 GirlOfManyFaces
|
|
Pack of One
Member Since May 2012
Location: in the US!
Posts: 4,068
11 1,861 hugs
given 
|
Feb 21, 2013 at 08:42 AM
#2
I don't know? I don't see anything wrong with the conversation... Did she take offense at the housework aspect? I would think it would be a part of the natural conversation...but that's just me!
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
|
Member
Member Since Mar 2012
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 304
12 43 hugs
given |
Feb 21, 2013 at 08:42 AM
#3
Quote:
|
|
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
|
Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 39,861
(SuperPoster!)
12 66.3k hugs
given
|
Feb 21, 2013 at 08:55 AM
#4
Did you leave out telling us the part where you said, live with me and be my muse - and all this other romantic stuff? Or did you just figure, got enough milk to drink, why buy a cow? By living with you, she's kind of cutting off her other possibilities in life, ya know.
|
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
 hamster-bamster
|
|
Infamous Vampire Duck
Community Liaison
Member Since Dec 2009
Location: Mid West
Posts: 12,742
(SuperPoster!)
14 961 hugs
given
|
Feb 21, 2013 at 09:43 AM
#5
Sounds like it many not have been what you said but how you said it, or how she perceived you said it.
Talk about "housework" in a discussion about moving in together you will always be on very thin ice. If in comes up again phrase it more in terms of sharing the cleaning. __________________ “If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. ... We need not wait to see what others do.” Gandhi |
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
|
Grand Member
Member Since Oct 2011
Location: Oregon
Posts: 898
12 1,087 hugs
given
|
Feb 21, 2013 at 02:04 PM
#6
I think perceptions are pretty important. It may be more about what she perceived, that she was to be a live in servant with benefits. Better to talk about shared responsibilities perhaps and mutual support. Certainly she should take care of some of the housekeeping responsibilities if she is not working. It is only fair that she is not freeloading. Sounds like the two of you need to talk more before you do anything
|
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
|
Poohbah
Member Since Mar 2012
Location: scotland
Posts: 1,277
12 1,363 hugs
given
|
Feb 21, 2013 at 02:16 PM
#7
hi IT
 i'll be the first to admit i'm overly sensitive when it comes to things men say so ... i hope you don't mind if i say what i'd have thought about the conversation you described? from my overly-sensitive point of view i'd be a little worried (if the conversation was just as above) that you were really only looking for a live-in housekeeper and sex on tap. i know that may sound weird to you but i have extremely low self-esteem whereby i struggle to think anyone could really care about me just for me, hence the reason i'd think the above. it's just a thought but maybe she has similar self-esteem issues. sorry if this opinion offends you, it's not meant to. 
|
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
|
Account Suspended
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: Northern California
Posts: 14,805
(SuperPoster!)
12 3,729 hugs
given
|
Feb 22, 2013 at 12:38 AM
#8
Quote:
If she had cleaners come in at her house and you wanted to change that and have her do the housework herself, that would have been a good topic for discussion. But as is, no. |
|
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
|
Magnate
Member Since Jun 2012
Location: Virginia
Posts: 2,191
11 646 hugs
given
|
Feb 23, 2013 at 12:01 AM
#9
Illigal Toilet, Love the name first and for most. In answer to your question here is what I see.
I want to help her financially by having her in my home and also I can see how there is an added bonus that she can do the housework . . . Come live in my home, not lets make this our home, or lets share this house, and the house work, oh yippee. I get to clean your house. Oh I don't think so would be my answer. It's not to late to revisit that conversation. Does she work? That changes things a little. If she does you both clean house. If you want a house keeper hire one, who cleans your house, you. How about you move in here and clean my house. Now does that has a bad ring to it or what. Does she live w/ her parents or struggle w/ rent? That arrangement might work. If it is lets share our living arrangements or even I'd love to have you here and wake up w/ you in the mornings, but not come live in my home. That says you have the authority. And granted you may have the authority it is your home, but by letting her in you are sharing that w/ her but she might not feel like it will be shared. With out knowing her living arrangements it is hard to understand this fully. A friend of mine who never had any intention of working and lived w/ her mom met a man who needed his house maintained. She had a child from a previous oops and she and her baby needed a home. She has been married to this man for 15 years now. The 5 kids, her and her H. She has never worked a day in her life and is quite content to stay at home and raise their children and take care of all of the needs on the home front. He brings in the bacon and she takes care of things. Not all women are opposed to staying home and cleaning. I stay at home and my H works. But I am not living here w/ my H to be his maid. If he wants a house keeper he can go and hire one. If he wants a baby setter for his kids he can send them to day care. But we share a home. He owns it, paid for it, built it, but it is ours. Hope that helps, that struck me a little wrong and my personal feeling may have gotten the way but it is something to consider. It is a subject that can be revisited w/ a well planned descussion, good luck to you both. Keep us up dated. |
|
|
Reply With Quote
|
| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
|
My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Linear Mode
