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siempre nada
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Tongue Apr 28, 2013 at 11:39 PM
  #1
I'm getting the strong urge to just make out with just about anyone and even get sexual..I was walking with my housemate today and after getting a whiff of her hair I just wanted to pull her close and kiss her (but I've never seen her that way). It's kinda scaring me. As a pseudo-loner I really don't get much physical contact with anyone (no lover either) so I guess its just been so long since Ive felt contact that its turning into sexual frustration? I don't know how to deal with these feelings and their getting stronger. I just don't want to randomly start making out with random people but Its getting to that point..sorry i know this post sounds ridiculous
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Default Apr 28, 2013 at 11:50 PM
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Originally Posted by siempre nada View Post
I'm getting the strong urge to just make out with just about anyone and even get sexual..I was walking with my housemate today and after getting a whiff of her hair I just wanted to pull her close and kiss her (but I've never seen her that way). It's kinda scaring me. As a pseudo-loner I really don't get much physical contact with anyone (no lover either) so I guess its just been so long since Ive felt contact that its turning into sexual frustration? I don't know how to deal with these feelings and their getting stronger. I just don't want to randomly start making out with random people but Its getting to that point..sorry i know this post sounds ridiculous

no its not ridiculous you cant help it do you want to be with your housemate if the feeling are getting stronger i would say you do but cant say for for because only you will know that.

i get feeling like that to around any women just walking in the stores and i have to control it because i dont know them its hard to but i do
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Default Apr 29, 2013 at 12:53 PM
  #3
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Originally Posted by siempre nada View Post
I'm getting the strong urge to just make out with just about anyone and even get sexual..I was walking with my housemate today and after getting a whiff of her hair I just wanted to pull her close and kiss her (but I've never seen her that way). It's kinda scaring me. As a pseudo-loner I really don't get much physical contact with anyone (no lover either) so I guess its just been so long since Ive felt contact that its turning into sexual frustration? I don't know how to deal with these feelings and their getting stronger. I just don't want to randomly start making out with random people but Its getting to that point..sorry i know this post sounds ridiculous
A housemate is not a random person. If you kiss her, it may be good, but it also may make your living arrangement more complicated in the future, precisely because she is not a random person but a non-random housemate. So you have to be careful. It may be good, of course, so you should not be scared of these feelings (in any event, having the feelings and being excited by something so tiny as a whiff of her hair means that you are very much alive, which is a very good thing even if you do not act on the feelings - it is like having a pulse and being able to breathe in that it signals that you are alive and well). But think through it - sometimes it is easier to keep housemates at a distance and have a more formal relationship, with scheduled housecleaning chores on rotation etc.
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Default May 01, 2013 at 01:12 AM
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A housemate is not a random person. If you kiss her, it may be good, but it also may make your living arrangement more complicated in the future, precisely because she is not a random person but a non-random housemate. So you have to be careful. It may be good, of course, so you should not be scared of these feelings (in any event, having the feelings and being excited by something so tiny as a whiff of her hair means that you are very much alive, which is a very good thing even if you do not act on the feelings - it is like having a pulse and being able to breathe in that it signals that you are alive and well). But think through it - sometimes it is easier to keep housemates at a distance and have a more formal relationship, with scheduled housecleaning chores on rotation etc.
Oh no way would I actually kiss her. For a variety of reasons (her being straight and kinda homophobic near the top) But its not just her its anyone I associate with. The person who sits next to me in lecture. The girl that brushes past me in the hallway..its like my emotions are on overdrive. i think I just want to be touched. No one touches me, (hugs,handshakes,snuggles nothing) but then I have no one to do any of that with because I'm a loner. It makes me feel like a ghost. I forget I have a body sometimes..
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Default May 01, 2013 at 01:19 AM
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no its not ridiculous you cant help it do you want to be with your housemate if the feeling are getting stronger i would say you do but cant say for for because only you will know that.

i get feeling like that to around any women just walking in the stores and i have to control it because i dont know them its hard to but i do
yeah its getting ridiculous for me. But I know I don't like her romantically, in fact we have nothing in common and she's very pessimistic. But She's the only one I hang out with here, and because she's close in proximity I just really want her to..touch me and hold me and kiss me. I think Im just lonely.
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Default May 01, 2013 at 01:19 AM
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Oh no way would I actually kiss her. For a variety of reasons (her being straight and kinda homophobic near the top) But its not just her its anyone I associate with. The person who sits next to me in lecture. The girl that brushes past me in the hallway..its like my emotions are on overdrive. i think I just want to be touched. No one touches me, (hugs,handshakes,snuggles nothing) but then I have no one to do any of that with because I'm a loner. It makes me feel like a ghost. I forget I have a body sometimes..
I have never read anything like that.

On the one hand, you seem to be dissociating in that you forget that you have a body.

On the other hand, you just want to be touched which seems normal.

It must be very difficult for you, living with all of this.
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Default May 01, 2013 at 01:31 AM
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I have never read anything like that.

On the one hand, you seem to be dissociating in that you forget that you have a body.

On the other hand, you just want to be touched which seems normal.

It must be very difficult for you, living with all of this.
Woah! thats the quickest response Ive gotten on this forum
And I understand what you mean about the dissociatiative tendancy. When people don't talk to you and you to them, people overlook you. Much like when you pass a stranger on the street you avoid eye contact and pretend they're not there. Well that's me everyday I am rarely acknowledged so its easy to feel like a ghost..thanks that actually clarifies things for me..
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Default May 01, 2013 at 02:21 AM
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Well that's me everyday I am rarely acknowledged so its easy to feel like a ghost
I hear people say that often. I usually wonder how often they acknowledge.
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Default May 01, 2013 at 12:18 PM
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Much like when you pass a stranger on the street you avoid eye contact and pretend they're not there.
I do it. BUT: only with beggars on the streets of san francisco.

Why would you avoid eye contact in general? What is your purpose?
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Default May 02, 2013 at 12:26 AM
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I hear people say that often. I usually wonder how often they acknowledge.
Right. To quote,

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Originally Posted by siempre nada View Post

Much like when YOU pass a stranger on the street YOU avoid eye contact and pretend they're not there.
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Default May 06, 2013 at 03:07 AM
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Right. To quote,
No its not just me. I used to be the one who would try to wave at strangers or smile at them and they'd look away like I wasn't there. people do it all the time.
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Default Jul 10, 2013 at 06:58 PM
  #12
Research is showing the importance of touch in human well-being. I think we actually confuse touch need with sexual need. Touching between humans isn't just sexual, or shouldn't be. Unfortunately, in US society they are linked. In many cultures, it is acceptable for women to hold hands, embrace, touch, and not be considered in any kind of lesbian relationship. I think many people in our society are hurting like you are from the lack of being able to just touch or be touched without being perceived as making sexual advances. I think that is what is happening with your housemate. You share a space and it goes against the human grain to not be able to touch, by hugging, a pat, a handhold. I was a virgin until I was 32 and married. I had many friends and housemates, but no touching. Then I married and began an active sex life. I saw for myself how much I enjoyed just being touched by another human - not sexually. I have read that for that reason alone massage has become popular in our culture. Even if it is a stranger, it is another human being touching your skin. Research is showing that it does have a positive effect on your emotional well-being. I wish we could be more touching in our society without it being construed as sexual and inappropriate....
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