Sex and Self-Harmers

Hi, I'm not sure if this should go in the Sex or SI forum. First off, let me say I do not refer to abuse of any kind in this topic. This is me speaking from a past experience, which was a loving relationship.

I was with someone who understood that I struggle not to self-harm, and she accepted me and was supportive of both my past and my present decision to stop. However, when we had sex I noticed that sometimes I would scratch myself or bite myself really hard. I would draw blood on accident. I was never aroused by my injuring or blood, but I didn't have the usual thoughts leading up to SI.

Sometimes it was hard to let her know when my mindset had shifted from pleasure to punishment/feeling out of control because I would suddenly just start crying. I know about safe words but we had never set one up (mistake) and at times I felt guilty for having to stop.

However I can barely find any information about this on the net, so I want to ask your thoughts, experiences, opinions.

-Have you ever heard of injuring during sex not part of BDSM/blood-play and not always about the SI? Why do you think someone feels the urge to hurt themselves in sex if they gain no pleasure from it?

-Is this unique only to self-injurers or do other people do this too?

-What may help a partner of someone who SI's, and also what may be helpful for the SI'er?

By the way, I'm doing great right now Sorry this was so long haha

I have a mild history of SI, but I am engaged in BDSM play these days.

For me, the SI was about feeling strong and in-control, so I say that I've "outsourced" that need to be validated in that way to someone whom I can trust to have my best interest at heart and to stop if he thinks I want more than I should take. I don't have an incredibly high pain threshold, so he doesn't need to worry about that.

This isn't about sexual gratification for me either-- I get little to no direct sexual thrill from the pain play. I do feel very good about myself afterwards though; relaxed and in-tune. If I can take a lot that day, then I can usually reach an endorphin high that's sort of like a blissful meditative state, and those are worth more than all the orgasms in the world!

Anyways, I don't think you're alone at all. Hope this helped.

If you have a history of SI, you've probably overcome a lot of instincts peripherally related to self-preservation and pain. It seems clear from your description that these are accidents that happen while your mind is on...other things I'm sorry if they're causing you and your partner(s) stress, but I suspect it's not fundamentally different from those of us who give ourselves splitting headaches when our head gets smashed into the headboard You're just a little less careful with your body than average, and that's ok. One might also characterize an orgasm as the ultimate loss of control, and there's something you used to do when you felt out of control...
I suppose I don't have any good answers for you, but it makes sense to me, it's probably not something to be too scared of, your regular forms of therapy should address it

same topic, different subject or source.

at what point does sex or even masturbation stop being about pleasure and become self harm? I once asked a pdoc when I had the chance (I was in the hospital for kidney problems). I explained what I did, how often, how much etcetera. I have had sex before as well continually to the point it was painful to get an erection for the next two weeks. I have done this both with intercourse, and masturbation.

I went into considerably more detail for the pdoc I was asking, and I was basically told that the extremes I was going to was indeed harmful enough to be considered self harm.

am I the only one?