Complicated Guys

I get the sense that most guys say they are simple. To me, they stereotypically like sports, drinking, and girls. I try to think I'm simple, and even try to act like it. Sometimes I even feel like it- that I like engines, music, girls, and work, and don't have to worry about much else. But more times then not, I'm just kidding myself. I'm often insecure, paranoid, jealous, guilty, and awkward around people. I like to think I'm tough, but I'm actually very sensitive, and go to great lengths to hide that . I don't have a very strong libido anymore, and that makes me feel like even less of a man. I fear that most girls will see this all as a sign of weakness. If I was on a date and tried to explain myself as I have here, I think she would be completely turned off. It's to the point that I even am hesitant about trying to meet girls. I generally stick to myself and am often ashamed that I am being too selfish in life. I guess what I'm wondering if there are girls out there that will put up with me, because I don't want to be alone in life, but I don't think I will ever change.

There are a lot of women out there who like different things. Sure the majority of women like the sterotypical tough guy, but there are others who like sweet, generous men. I would try to work on your insecurity and be comfortable with who you are. If you present yourself as a tough guy, and she expects that eventually the facade will change and you may not live up to her expectations. Present yourself as who you are and find someone who can except that.

This kind of reminds me of my high school art teacher. She was a very kind and gentle person. She was also veegan and pretty proactive about it. I can't imagine a girl like that dating a rough neck construction worker. There is someone for everyone out there. Just be yourself and learn to like who you are.

For me, it's like who cares what they think? If they can't accept me for who I am, then don't be around me. I feel like I should just be who I am instead of pretending. I'm not saying anyone here's pretending, but wouldn't it be better for the other person to know how their partner feels?

Most importantly, BE YOURSELF. To heck with the other people's opinions.

Yeah she most likely would. But imagine it the other way round and you were on a date with a woman and she said she gets paranoid, insecure and jealous.

You'd probably wouldn't be so keen on her either.

It's not about being something or acting ways that are not how you really are. But showing too much weakness to women will have them running.

I wouldn't say you were insecure and paranoid on a date. That is something that should be saved for when you are already in the relationship. Girls don't want to go on dates with guys who admit that they are weak and certainly not someone they have to "put up with". A girl shouldn't have to "put up" with a guy. Who wants to do that? When you're dating you want to show yourself off, not bring yourself down. You may want to wait to date until you have the confidence you need to show yourself off.

You are 22. If you think that you do not have a strong libido anymore, the "anymore" part means that you used to have a strong libido. If something happened to your previously strong libido, you need to try to figure out what happened, and, if possible, reverse the change. There is no point in hypothesizing whether most girls will or will not see your weak libido as a sign of weakness (by the way, to advance to the point at which most girls would become aware of the strength or weakness of your libido, you first need to associate with them at least a bit - if you shy away from associating with them, they would not even learn anything about the relative strength of your libido, so the whole point would become moot).

So what happened to you? Are you depressed and/or on medications?

Regarding sports - there are some women who actually like sports. Most women, I would guess, merely "put up" with those guys who are interested in sports. In other words, the women put up with the fact that some guys waste a big portion of their lives being glued to the screen watching games - but it is not that the women somehow LOVE watching sports. So you should not "try" liking sports in order to attract women. But do try to figure out what is wrong with the libido.

You are wasting a lot of energy.

You like to think that you are tough, but you are not, so you go to great lengths to hide it - all of it is a huge waste since you are who you are and the earlier you realize it, the better it would be for you.

It is also possible that you are exhausting yourself trying to be who you are not and that exhaustion has weakened your libido.

Hahahaha. I can't win can I? I guess I'm glad I posted this because it made me realize that I'm worth a damn, libido or not. Maybe I should start telling people I'm funny, good looking, musical, mechanical, smart AND I've got red hair- not a ginger though. Just because I'm emotional doesn't mean I can't be tenacious. I guess what I'm saying is, push come to shove, I'll shove back.

P.S. meds screw with my libido and it irritates me to no end. But living a happy life is more important than sex.

Red hair is amazing and rare. The rarest hair color. So it should compensate for less-than-gigantic libido. Plus, what with being mechanical, tenacious, and ready to shove!

Good luck - you have made all the right conclusions!

Am I the only girl who likes "weak" guys? I put weak in quotation marks as it's relative and probably not the best term, but it's the term that's used in this thread so I'm going to roll with it.

Anyway, (for me), the benefits of a "weak" guy:
I'm physically weakened because of some unknown medical problem and I don't feel comfortable alone with someone that is physically stronger than me. So, I'd never date a guy (or even be alone in the same room with him) unless I knew I could easily defend myself if necessary. Also, the less aggressive the guy (which is probably considered to be part of "weak" in today's society), the safer I feel. And I like taking on the "knight in shining armor" role and being the protector. I actually feel like I have the opposite problem from a girl's perspective...I seem too tough.

And now that I think about it, I'd feel much more comfortable being around a guy with a lower libido because then I wouldn't feel pressured into doing something I don't want to do nor am ready for. Nor would I feel guilty for not meeting the guy's "needs". And no, I don't have a low libido—it's probably around average.

Why are there not more guys like you?! Girls like me who aren't so picky about the gender of their partner, are just going to have to date girls as there seems to be fewer and fewer acceptable male options. Masculinity is such a requirement that it's forced even on guys that it doesn't fit...guys with more effeminate qualities (such as being sensitive) can be so much more attractive!

Hang on, you're a woman and you're physically weakened, and yet you want a guy that isn't physically stronger then you? The average man is stronger then the average women, and you're weaker then the average woman. Your expectations are unrealistic.

Your medication could be making your emotional or affecting your emotions.

If it's messing with your libido then maybe you should come off it.

Perhaps they are unrealistic, but I want to be safe. I don't want to be alone with someone who is capable of hurting me. I guess part of what I was trying to say is I would prefer someone who at least would be too afraid to do anything to me...so perhaps not "physically weaker" per se...but someone I can defend myself against or at least someone who thinks I can defend myself against them.

But I guess since guys have to be in control and dominate the "weaker" gender, then I guess I'll just have to date girls or no one. Oh well, it's your loss guys...just because you have to be all "strong" and "macho".

Yeah you've got issues with men it seems.

And it's got nothing to do with wanting to control anybody. But a man shouldn't be a doormat to any woman.

The type of guy you want, doesn't seem like a man to me at all. Also I don't think the OP is anything like the type of man you want either.

And what is wrong with a man wanting to be a bit dominant of his surroundings? What is wrong with a man being macho or strong? Why is it in society now days these things are seen as negative traits? What is wrong with a man acting like a man?

Why does a man need to be overly emotional or sensitive?

A man shouldn't have to be a doormat to a woman, but a woman shouldn't have to be a slave or a b!tch to the man.

I want a man that doesn't treat me as inferior, that cares about what I have to say...someone I can actually express how I feel or my opinion without immediately being called stupid. I want someone that I don't have to be afraid of—if they're not too strong, they won't beat me up, if they're sensitive, they won't be verbally abusive. And you're right, that description doesn't seem like a man at all...at least not a self-proclaimed "macho" one.

And with that, I'm out. As usual, me opening my mouth and having an opinion (gasp! A girl having the audacity to have an opinion without consulting a man on how to think!? What's this world coming to!?) has blown up into something that's just going to turn to a huge argument and derail the thread, which wasn't my intention.

And for the record, there shouldn't be anything wrong with being strong and dominant (if that is in fact your personality), but it's another thing to say that a guy is only a man if he is strong and dominant. Not every guy is really like that deep down, but society makes them feel inferior because of that, and I don't like that.

No, once again you take it all the wrong way. Look you can say my opinion is BS for all I care. However, contrary to what you're saying, society tells a man that being dominant, strong, tough is a negative. That a man should open up and being sensitive and all this silliness.

Being strong, dominant, protective and tough is what a man should be. That doesn't mean you go around fighting every other man you come into contact with, but you don't be a wimp.

All this that men should be sensitive, emotional and crying over silly things is a nonsense.

Ideally, a man should be himself. Both men who try to be tough because they believe they should be tough and men who try to open up because they believe that society expects them to open up are equally boring.

A man should be himself within reason. For instance, everyone has the possibility for improving their personality or how they act if that is having a negative effect on their life.

I completely get what you are saying. You don't have a problem at all with men. You like men who are "sensitive" not weak. You are looking for someone who is laid back instead of aggressive. You are afraid of being a doormat in a relationship, and the over-confidence in a guy is off-putting to you because you want to be in control of yourself but don't know how, or your illness is preventing you to be in control of yourself. This really has nothing to do with how a guy should act, it is your will to be a stronger person and have the confidence to be stronger. There's no reason you should be called out for it.

@I.Am.The.End. - I can see that you have some issues with men. There are a lot of men out there (myself and all my friends included) who do not feel the need to constantly prove that they are "macho." You have a bit of a skewed perspective of what men are like. You don't protect yourself by making sure you're physically stronger than those around you. You protect yourself by only being around people you trust.

I do actually understand where you're coming from a bit, though. It's easy for our brains to get into these sorts of negative thought patterns. If I'm not careful, I tend to think of women as shallow, manipulative, and irresponsible. I know that not all women are like this, and I have to try to keep convincing myself of that. You have to be careful to not let your brain convince you of these stereotypes it has built up.

@DirtyDog04 - And that brings us back to the point of the thread. Every person is different. Don't be so concerned about what kind of men women want. The only thing almost all women want is someone physically attractive. Personality is pretty negotiable and different women want vastly different kinds of men. So basically focus on making yourself attractive and you will do fine with women. Oh, and also, don't bring up your more negative traits on the first few dates. That would be bad.