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Junior Member
Member Since May 2013
Location: nowhere really
Posts: 15
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#1
I don't know how to explain it, it kind of turns me on to see people with whom I have an erotic relationship being emotionally hurt by me. Also, I just can't find pleasure in kissing or even having sex if it's this romantic kind of stuff, just like I hate flowers and easy, loving relationships...I have such a hard time getting close to people in general and just can't seem to be attracted to someone to the point where I want to actually have sex with them, except one specific person. Over the years, I have realized that when I end up having the one I want, he is no longer of interest to me and I start searching for other men...it actually saddens me that I can't really love someone...why is this happening to me? Oh and I should add that after I hurt those people -or fantasize of hurting them-, I feel sorry for them and so sick of myself. I just find them so weak and vulnerable and...human...Am I really ****ed up?! (sorry for the language) I've been seeing a psychiatrist for 2 years, for other issues, but I'm too ashamed to talk about this...
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Turtleboy
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Member Since Jul 2012
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#2
hey I'm sorry things are working out so bad for you sentient
i personally would try to discuss this with a Therapist it might shed some light on a condition or emotional response you have yet unrecognized. Your T should be able to help you understand these feelings and maybe help you to come to some sort of peace as to why you feel this way. wishing you all the best of luck __________________ |
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sentient6
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sentient6
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#3
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Imagine that your deal with the psychiatrist from now on is: - you send a check on a regular basis - you do not come to see the psychiatrist Weird? but that is what is going on right now - you are paying money while receiving no service. |
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Patagonia
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Junior Member
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#4
__________________ I think hell is something you carry around with you. Not somewhere you go. |
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#5
well if you were able to disclose self-destructive behavior to the psychiatrist, what stops you from disclosing feeling pleasure in emotionaly hurting people you are sexually attracted to? Why is self-destructive behavior so different from feeling pleasure from hurting others? Because of the "self" part? You are not ashamed of hurting yourself but are ashamed of trying to hurt others? Where do you draw the line?
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Junior Member
Member Since May 2013
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#6
I can do whatever I want to myself, I do not have the right to hurt others though...
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#7
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But then... you cannot talk to your psychiatrist about doing things that are not within your right? Has the psychiatrist instructed you to censor yourself this way - only talk about things that are within your right, or do you censor yourself on your own? |
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#8
Basically, without professional help, you need to explore other ways of seeing humanity in people. That you sense humanity is not bad per se; it is just that you need other ways to see humanity in people - other than by hurting them and then enjoying experiencing their vulnerabilities. there is a silver lining to what you describe. It just has not yet been revealed to you, so to speak. You will be OK, but I would recommend being honest with the mental health professionals. I would be stunned if your psychiatrist acts suprised when you tell him / her this.
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sentient6
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Member Since May 2013
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#9
I can talk about whatever I want with her, I'm just ashamed of it. But I will mention this when I see her again. Thank you
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hamster-bamster
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#10
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I hope she can be helpful to you. |
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#11
talked to p-doc yet?
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New Member
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: India
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#12
i feel the same way.
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#13
This thread dates back to 2013
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Grand Member
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#14
But still an issue today!
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