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Old 07-01-2013, 04:16 PM #1
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Confused Ashamed and guilty about watching porn

I always feel very guilty and ashamed of myself after i watched porn. I feel porn is degrading and very dirty, yet i watch it anyway. And afterward i would start feeling very guilty and ashamed. I keep watching porn a secret to my parents and friends. I am afraid they would think of me differently if they know i watch porn.
I watch porn when i feel lonely or some erotic feeling aroused in me.
I don't know what to do to deal with the guilt and the shame.
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Old 07-01-2013, 04:22 PM #2
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Default Re: Ashamed and guilty about watching porn

there is nothing wrong with watching porn. you are not harming anybody by watching it. you just have to release your judgement about it being degrading and dirty so that you can watch it without guilt and shame. the people in the videos are consenting adults, therefore are not being degraded so there is nothing dirty about it.
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Old 07-01-2013, 04:24 PM #3
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Default Re: Ashamed and guilty about watching porn

I used to have those same feelings, but as I got older, I realized that sexuality is a natural thing, and if I suppress it, I feel worse, and act out in inappropriate ways. Sex is a natural stress reliever.

IMO there is nothing wrong w/ watching porn.
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Old 07-01-2013, 04:29 PM #4
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Default Re: Ashamed and guilty about watching porn

Quote:
Originally Posted by depressedandlonely View Post
I keep watching porn a secret to my parents and friends. I am afraid they would think of me differently if they know i watch porn.
Kaliope's advice to just release the judgment fully covers the shame/guilt issue and should be easy to implement.

On keeping it a secret:

- while I do not watch porn, I know it is a very big industry, and, therefore, lots of people watch it. Your parents and friends, likely enough, are among those people. You are overestimating the chances that they will think of you differently (grossly overestimating); however, you are entitled to privacy and you might consider your watching porn a private activity. All you need to do is change the language that you use in your mind to conceptualize what you are doing: remove "secret" and insert "private" instead.

FROM:I keep watching porn a secret
TO: porn watching is something I do in private and I do not talk to others about some of my private activities.

Hopefully this will solve it.
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Old 07-01-2013, 10:50 PM #5
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Default Re: Ashamed and guilty about watching porn

Quote:
Originally Posted by depressedandlonely View Post
I always feel very guilty and ashamed of myself after i watched porn. I feel porn is degrading and very dirty, yet i watch it anyway. And afterward i would start feeling very guilty and ashamed. I keep watching porn a secret to my parents and friends. I am afraid they would think of me differently if they know i watch porn.
I watch porn when i feel lonely or some erotic feeling aroused in me.
I don't know what to do to deal with the guilt and the shame.

Porn is degrading, but you know what? Those women choose to be degraded. Those women chose that profession because they love to suck **** and they love money. They make big bucks, and sometimes a person will do anything for money.

Porn is also dirty, but in a good way. It allows you to express yourself sexually, find things you'd like to do with a partner, even gives you a look to how sex looks like (if you're a virgin).

Maybe confess to one person or to a therapist about this, you will find that their reactions will not be bad at all, they may even admit to using porn themselves. It's quite normal to watch porn especially at your age.
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Old 07-01-2013, 11:02 PM #6
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Default Re: Ashamed and guilty about watching porn

It's, I think, a dirty industry, and I share your concerns OP, but I don't think it's anything to be particularly ashamed of. It's a HUGE industry, and to be a HUGE industry, you have to have the consumer base to maintain it. You are quite far from being alone in it, and I don't think, especially if you're around my age (20), anyone would be particularly surprised nor judgmental about it.

Were I you (and saying that because I am almost the exact same predicament...lol I'm a 20 year old single male...lol do the math ), I'd tell you not to worry so much. And speaking pragmatically, if you're worried about the actors and actresses being degraded or in a position they themselves don't want to be in (which is my concern...I'm making a huge assumption in your rationale as to why it invokes shame, so bear with me there), there are plenty of other venues to relieve that particular type of stress without buying into the industry. Erotic stories, art ("art" being used in a looser sense), self posted videos...there are a few alternatives.
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Old 07-02-2013, 12:10 AM #7
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Default Re: Ashamed and guilty about watching porn

Porn stars never seem too upset or degraded. They seem rather happy in interviews.
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Old 07-02-2013, 12:29 AM #8
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Default Re: Ashamed and guilty about watching porn

Quote:
Originally Posted by ArmyGirl View Post
Porn stars never seem too upset or degraded. They seem rather happy in interviews.
I think they enjoy what they do.

I almost starred in an adult film. I was really desperate for money at the time and I was going to meet this guy in a city over an hour away, I spent a while talking to him on the phone, and then I chickened out the night before. I sent him an email with a day's notice to be polite, and he replied saying he knew I was going to chicken out and started saying all these really mean things to me, and he continued to harass me for a few months. So I knew with that company they did not treat their women right at all.

But if you know what you're doing you could find a reputable agency, and I think girls really do enjoy what they do.

And what about the guys? Are they not exploited as well? I mean, all they show is their penis, they rarely show their face.

As far as being ashamed, don't be. Watching porn is completely normal at your age.
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Old 07-05-2013, 07:18 AM #9
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Default Re: Ashamed and guilty about watching porn

In response to the OP, can you pinpoint more precisely what's making you feel ashamed? A lot of porn is consensual i.e. these people are deciding to get paid for a job they want to do. It's a sad reality that unfortunately the industry does also have a sinister side - even things like 'amateur' porn can have questionable origins. There ARE however websites devoted to the beauty and exploration of sex - videos where people explain why they have become involved with the site and what it means for them to be creating what they consider 'art.' Those types of videos tend to be less gratuitous and are beautifully shot whilst still being erotic. Try not to be ashamed of either your urges or what helps you in reaching fulfillment. There is no reason why your parents or friends need to know - this is something personal to you and there need be no guilt in keeping something important like that to yourself. I hope you feel better soon.
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Old 07-05-2013, 03:22 PM #10
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Default Re: Ashamed and guilty about watching porn

Quote:
Originally Posted by depressedandlonely View Post
I always feel very guilty and ashamed of myself after i watched porn. I feel porn is degrading and very dirty, yet i watch it anyway. And afterward i would start feeling very guilty and ashamed. I keep watching porn a secret to my parents and friends. I am afraid they would think of me differently if they know i watch porn.
I watch porn when i feel lonely or some erotic feeling aroused in me.
I don't know what to do to deal with the guilt and the shame.
Here is my personal opinion on my situation. I'm 28 years old I have a wife a daughter and a church life. I watch porn as well only because my wife does not share some of the same sexual fantasies that I have. Nothing crazy of course, not involving others or anything like that. I watch it because it allows me to see "other options" that may be interesting to myself. I also find porn (the word) to be degrading but if I was to perform SOME of those same acts with my wife I would not find it so degrading. This is why I have a problem with porn, you're not alone.
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