Ashamed and guilty about watching porn

I always feel very guilty and ashamed of myself after i watched porn. I feel porn is degrading and very dirty, yet i watch it anyway. And afterward i would start feeling very guilty and ashamed. I keep watching porn a secret to my parents and friends. I am afraid they would think of me differently if they know i watch porn.
I watch porn when i feel lonely or some erotic feeling aroused in me.
I don't know what to do to deal with the guilt and the shame.

there is nothing wrong with watching porn. you are not harming anybody by watching it. you just have to release your judgement about it being degrading and dirty so that you can watch it without guilt and shame. the people in the videos are consenting adults, therefore are not being degraded so there is nothing dirty about it.

I used to have those same feelings, but as I got older, I realized that sexuality is a natural thing, and if I suppress it, I feel worse, and act out in inappropriate ways. Sex is a natural stress reliever.

IMO there is nothing wrong w/ watching porn.

Kaliope's advice to just release the judgment fully covers the shame/guilt issue and should be easy to implement.

On keeping it a secret:

- while I do not watch porn, I know it is a very big industry, and, therefore, lots of people watch it. Your parents and friends, likely enough, are among those people. You are overestimating the chances that they will think of you differently (grossly overestimating); however, you are entitled to privacy and you might consider your watching porn a private activity. All you need to do is change the language that you use in your mind to conceptualize what you are doing: remove "secret" and insert "private" instead.

FROM:I keep watching porn a secret
TO: porn watching is something I do in private and I do not talk to others about some of my private activities.

Hopefully this will solve it.

Porn is degrading, but you know what? Those women choose to be degraded. Those women chose that profession because they love to suck **** and they love money. They make big bucks, and sometimes a person will do anything for money.

Porn is also dirty, but in a good way. It allows you to express yourself sexually, find things you'd like to do with a partner, even gives you a look to how sex looks like (if you're a virgin).

Maybe confess to one person or to a therapist about this, you will find that their reactions will not be bad at all, they may even admit to using porn themselves. It's quite normal to watch porn especially at your age.

It's, I think, a dirty industry, and I share your concerns OP, but I don't think it's anything to be particularly ashamed of. It's a HUGE industry, and to be a HUGE industry, you have to have the consumer base to maintain it. You are quite far from being alone in it, and I don't think, especially if you're around my age (20), anyone would be particularly surprised nor judgmental about it.

Were I you (and saying that because I am almost the exact same predicament...lol I'm a 20 year old single male...lol do the math ), I'd tell you not to worry so much. And speaking pragmatically, if you're worried about the actors and actresses being degraded or in a position they themselves don't want to be in (which is my concern...I'm making a huge assumption in your rationale as to why it invokes shame, so bear with me there), there are plenty of other venues to relieve that particular type of stress without buying into the industry. Erotic stories, art ("art" being used in a looser sense), self posted videos...there are a few alternatives.

Porn stars never seem too upset or degraded. They seem rather happy in interviews.

I think they enjoy what they do.

I almost starred in an adult film. I was really desperate for money at the time and I was going to meet this guy in a city over an hour away, I spent a while talking to him on the phone, and then I chickened out the night before. I sent him an email with a day's notice to be polite, and he replied saying he knew I was going to chicken out and started saying all these really mean things to me, and he continued to harass me for a few months. So I knew with that company they did not treat their women right at all.

But if you know what you're doing you could find a reputable agency, and I think girls really do enjoy what they do.

And what about the guys? Are they not exploited as well? I mean, all they show is their penis, they rarely show their face.

As far as being ashamed, don't be. Watching porn is completely normal at your age.

In response to the OP, can you pinpoint more precisely what's making you feel ashamed? A lot of porn is consensual i.e. these people are deciding to get paid for a job they want to do. It's a sad reality that unfortunately the industry does also have a sinister side - even things like 'amateur' porn can have questionable origins. There ARE however websites devoted to the beauty and exploration of sex - videos where people explain why they have become involved with the site and what it means for them to be creating what they consider 'art.' Those types of videos tend to be less gratuitous and are beautifully shot whilst still being erotic. Try not to be ashamed of either your urges or what helps you in reaching fulfillment. There is no reason why your parents or friends need to know - this is something personal to you and there need be no guilt in keeping something important like that to yourself. I hope you feel better soon.

Here is my personal opinion on my situation. I'm 28 years old I have a wife a daughter and a church life. I watch porn as well only because my wife does not share some of the same sexual fantasies that I have. Nothing crazy of course, not involving others or anything like that. I watch it because it allows me to see "other options" that may be interesting to myself. I also find porn (the word) to be degrading but if I was to perform SOME of those same acts with my wife I would not find it so degrading. This is why I have a problem with porn, you're not alone.

Okay so here is the thing my friend!!! Guilt and the pressure it puts on your mind is likely what brings you to pornography in the first place, along with the need for sexual expression with another human being (this is by design).
(1) Life is about creating your own personal boundaries while negatively impacting other people as little as HUMANLY possible. If you feel guilty it might be your brains way of telling you that you are using porn too often and it wants you to lessen the stimulation load you are putting on it.
(2)Baby steps are the key to removing or lessening anything in your life that you spent allot of time placing there in the first place. For example if you watch porn daily try to do it every other day, if it gets unbearable you can masturbate to relieve yourself. When you feel confident increase the time between use.
(3)Come to terms with your expectations of your self vs your expectations of others. If you look down on people who use porn than by all rights judge your self with the same ruling. If you don’t than have some compassion for your self.
(4)That “poor girl/guy in the video” has made their own boundaries. You are NOT hurting or degrading them, and they are being paid well for their efforts, with full knowledge others will be watching to comfort them selves.
(5)If you feel porn is wrong take a day and go somewhere outside nice and secluded with paper and pen and ask yourself why. Is it because people have told you so because people have told them so because people have told them so...? see point 4. Examine the root of the guilt and again please please please have compassion for your human self.
In closing i believe moderation is the spice of life and challenge breeds excellence. If you are in a relationship have a conversation with your lover about your porn use, if not than supplement as necessary. Porn is very addicting and can be damaging to your brain (reversible). If it is interfering with your life cut way way back. If your life is productive despite your porn use than guilt will be far more damaging. It took me longer than i would like to admit to feel this way and i am all the freer from it.

You may want to try to stop trying to be what you feel the world wants you to be and just be yourself. The ball is forever in our court.

I like to watch porn. There is nothing to ashame.

I discovered porn when I was young and spent my teen years on a quest to get as much as possible. I got in a lot of trouble when my mom found my stash. As I got older it became less and less important, and now I watch about an hour of porn every other month or so. As long as everyone in it are consenting adults there's nothing wrong with it.

Like others have said, many people watch porn, I would even argue most do. Think about it like this: Sex is a natural part of life, and is the means by which we create new life. Violent content is much more accepted in western culture, we can see a bloody gore-y movie with a lot of death and feel fine. If watching people die and be murdered is okay, is it really that bad to watch people express their sexuality?

I think porn is helpful. I just watched a bisexual orgy which shows how men have sex with both men and women. But the women almost never touched. So women might be wary of other women?

It's all preferences with individuals ( even the orgy women question- I have seen some porns that women are all over each other) and I agree if all are consenting there is no reason to be ashamed.

I used to have a big trigger with porn, along with I felt horrible if I enjoyed watching it - but now I watch or look at pornographic images from time to time. It's been therapeutic in it's own way for me....


I just reminded myself what many have posted, it is natural and if all are consenting then well those people enjoyed that moment in life and shared it.

Some people don't ever watch or look, it's not their thing- and that's their choice and there is nothing wrong with that when it comes to personal decisions.



On a personal note- I do note though that there are times that I am using porn and/or masturbation to fill voids - and I end up feeling worse. What I do personally is take a break, because it is something with me that is needing balance that sex isn't going to fill.

we all do what we need to do for ourselves in the end, and as far as judgement from others- we all could judge another for some thing that they do; and no one is 100% perfect, even if they think they are,
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"A laugh is worth a hundred groans in any market." Charles Lamb
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=da7StUzVh3s

It's normal to watch porn, but be careful you become dependent on it. It's easy in this day in age to turn to images of sex, but it can change what turns you on, and normal girls will not make you aroused, also its hard to talk to girls if you jerk off too much, give your **** a break and your game will improve.

You may or may not have a gf or bf but if you don't you probley understand what I mean.

cheers.

I used to believe I was sick, at best, deeply troubled (re my porn outlet) now though, I've learned, my "habit" has helped me explore many things, and that's isn't depraved, if anything, watching porn (imho) is a healthy and natural way of satisfying ones curiosity and your genuine needs. It's wise not to become dependent on it. In my book? If all your doing, is watching, and acting out on yourself, no real harm is being done. I actually admire you, for sharing this. Ty xx

I respect your business and I don't understand why you need porn to make yourself feel better when you have a wife to be with? Does she not support your feelings in the bedroom? Having a marriage is important when it comes to intimacy. Maybe most women don't share every fanasty like you do. If you seem to figure out she doesn't like that then find an way what SHE likes and be involved with it and maybe your love session will make marriage a better life. Being close to your wife is way important than sharing your own pleasures than some porn video. Even though porn videos help you improve your sex life but it's important to share those feelings with your wife and maybe find a way what she enjoys. Don't judge her if she doesn't like it. Not everyone shares the same thought process as we do. Nobody is perfect. Be glad you have a wife man!

Porn programs our perceptions and expectations of sex and desensitizes us in a high-stakes landscape fraught with predation, psychological trauma, unplanned pregnancies and STDs.

I like it anyway.