"Make up Sex"

Don't hate me for the following post, yes it contains several generalizations and stereotypes, and isn't intended to apply to all people of either gender or all relationships.


“Make up Sex” I have figured out is a very one sided and sexist thing (against men). Despite what the conventional wisdom is (in a m/f relationship), Make up Sex almost always happens after the woman has messed up. If the guy screws up not only will there be no sex that night it probably won’t happen for some time. But women seem to find it difficult to say things like “I’m sorry”, “I was wrong”, “please forgive me” or “it was all my fault” it seems much easier to say something like “let’s stop fighting and to into the bedroom…” and guys being guys just go along with it. And the reason we go along with it, is because we would rather have a night of good sex than to continue to fight and get an actual apology from a woman.

Seriously?? Poor men getting manipulated into sex?? LOL. A man would much rather say "let's stop fighting and go into the bedroom" because most men (I shall generalize since you did...your apology not taken into account because in your post you completely contradicted yourself...) would rather have sex than communicate, and women would much rather have sex with someone they feel close to (aka are NOT fighting with). Women do NOT want to just "do it" so they do not have to admit they are wrong. And the last time I checked, apologies/realizations of being "wrong" generally do not come easily for men!

Make up sex for a woman occurs when a conversation/argument is done and WHOEVER (either partner) in the wrong has realized it, and/or the situation has worked itself out for the best of both sides. A woman doesn't want to have sex with a man they are angry with, because most often women need to feel some kind of emotional connection, which anger generally contradicts...and if not that, being pissed off at a guy isn't exactly a turn on. We also GENERALLY aren't trying to escape conversations that would make things better/back to normal....it's just not in our emotional makeup.

Make up sex usually contains mutual apologies.

I have never experienced any make-up sex. I always figured it was a myth. Your explanation makes some sense, though. I have also noticed that women have a much harder time than men admitting when they are wrong and once they start "losing" an argument will try to change the subject immediately. Sex would definitely be an effective thing to change it to.

Ok.

I don't always have a hard time admitting I'm wrong, but often I do.

I do admit I am wrong most of the time... but it's not as easy as say... asking for help, which isn't so easy for my part either.
But... because something is difficult it doesn't mean I don't bite the bullet and just do it, because it's usually better in the long run if I do.

And, absolutely it would be a lot easier to grab my partner and start playing touchy feely games in stead of address the issue- short term.
But then you make a habit of that and start associating touch and sex with suppressed anger and frustration and strange guilt-type feelings and that's certainly not a recipe for disaster right?

Um...
I think EVERYONE has the potential to use sex as a distraction from negative consequences and personal responsibilities and, pretty much any elephant in any room anywhere on the face of the earth.

It's not restricted to any particular gender. It is an equal opportunity move in the relationship play book. Really, honestly.
It's not a matter of being in a specific gender's emotional makeup or any particular manipulative strategy being a "one sided" or "sexist" thing... some people just understand that sex can be powerful and controlling and will use that to motivate people to their end.

Some people will not.

Some people see it as a perfectly reasonable behavior to use as a tool. a means to an end.

Some do not.

If you are a heterosexual male, you will likely view that mostly females are using this "tool" on men. If you are a heterosexual female, you will likely view that mostly males use this "tool" on females.

You have a selective pool that you are surveying.

...we really need to stop the whole "boys are icky"/"girls are dumb" thing.

While it is true to a certain extent that the sex tool can be used by either gender, it's much easier to use it on men. Biologically, men just want sex more than women. Most men can pretty much be talked into sex at any given moment regardless of whether or not they're in a heated argument at the moment... or at work... or operating a motor vehicle... yeah pretty much any time. This tactic just wouldn't work as often on women.

Also, there are certainly women who are able to admit they are wrong, and admitting wrongness is not easy for a lot of men either but men end up doing it even when they don't mean it a lot of times just so the woman stops arguing. I think men more than women would rather just say "I was wrong. Sorry about that" than continue an argument.

In my experience, a lot of women will maintain that they are right until the bitter end even past the point where everyone involved realizes that her position is outright ridiculous. It's as if admitting wrongness for a woman is like admitting that she is has failed as a person. But as you said, people's experiences are different. I have never dated a man, so I don't really know what it would be like from first hand experience. But I have friends who are male and female and even among friends I find that even with fairly trivial things that come up in casual conversation, men tend to admit they are wrong about something while women tend to just change the subject once they realize they are wrong.

To be honest, I haven't found it to lean either way?
So, yeah, experience varies.

I have not personally found this.
It is possible that my prior exposure to males has been skewed, by the same factor I mentioned earlier- limited pool of subjects.

I have more male friends than female, and the females I have as friends- I don't know for a fact, but I have my suspicions they are not exactly "run of the mill" individuals. Though I have never lined them up for a comparison with random passersby on the street.


In my world, boys don't always chase frogs and play in the mud. Girls don't always wear pink dresses and brush each other's hair. So on and so forth.

I find it aggravating when I see a somewhat equivalent argument/conversation/accusation/whateverthehell going on anywhere.
I don't think it's actually because I live in a bubble.

I think I just want my bubble to encompass the whole world haha
Apologies OP, etc.
ha.
Sidetracking rant over. Carry on.

A lot of the make up sex I had in my last relationship were after mutual fights. Usually something would happen, then we'd have a fight, then she would leave, then i would sort of start talking to her again, and then we would apologise to each other. To me, make up sex is all about mutual apologies.

I am perhaps not typical, but in my relationship, make up sex goes both ways. In fact, sometimes the sex precedes/causes the making up. LOL. I will have sex with him when I'm still angry with him over a mistake he's made: partly because it's just fun, but also because it helps me let go of the anger. I do use sex to help make it up to him when I've made a mistake as well. I admit I made a mistake and tell him I'm sorry and then offer to make it better. Sometimes he pretends like I've hurt his feelings just to try to get me to make it better.

my second wife used to start arguments with me just for the make up sex (she actually admitted this to me.) only problem is that I don't believe in make up sex. if you get me heated up enough to argue with you the absolute last thing on my mind is sex of any kind. even after the "i am sorry's" and the "I forgive you's" it takes awhile to cool off and having sex at that time is just impossible to even contemplate.