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timjohnez
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Default Jul 17, 2014 at 08:32 AM
  #1
My name is Tim, mid 50s from the mid states. Came across this site and decided to log on. My story isn't wildly unorthodox but my latest relationship has me a bit bemused.
First a cursory background. Twice divorced, the 1st was a "marriage of honor" in my 20s, it lasted about 9 years and gave us 3 great kids. But eventually we both realized the marriage wasn't good for either of us and we both moved on. Fast forward 10+ years, the 2nd was a marriage based on a little fantasy on both ends. I grew up small town country, she grew up very city. I was blue jeans and boots, she was always dressed to the nines. Turned out we had some good times together but by the 5th year we were on the decline and by the 6th i moved out.
Fast forward a few more years & i meet a gal >10 years my junior. She chased until i caught up. We've been together for about 3 years. We do have a lot of mutual interests, are compatible in background and lifestyle. It has a been a great relationship.
We both have always been very up front about our past so there are no surprises. She admitted to a couple of lesbian liaisons back in the college days. About a year or so ago the evening was lubricated with red wine, minimal clothing and more than the usual sexual electricity (which has always been abundant). She brings out a hi-cut, black lace panty and with promises of wonderful things to 'come' convinces me to put them. Which of course after some reluctance on my part and more detailed promises from her, i did. The activities were fantastic! A few weeks later a repeat and i was a little more willing to oblige her inclination. This scenario became more frequent. One evening i decided i wasn't going to play along without further explanation. She admitted that although she had her 'flings' she wasn't attracted to females enough to have a long term relationship but she did like the way lingerie looks on a body. She said she liked the way i looked in the panties and it did heighten her sexual excitement as well as her sexual enjoyment. I caved after a while and put on a new pair of red french cut lace paneled panties.
Since then things have progressed. At first it was "wear this panty on our date tonight." Then "wear this one to work for our early evening rendezvous." Eventually she asked me to try on a matching camisole, stroll around the house before our 'encounter' and like always the result was fantastic.
Over the months she's added an assortment of nighties, negligees, chemises and other lingerie items to my side of the closet and my dresser drawers. She has convinced me to wear camisoles, chemises and even bras almost everyday (she lays out what she'd like me to wear, but it's always my option to decline). She has reassured me she'll never want me in anything more than lingerie. but ...
She has not gone through menopause yet & a couple months she asked if i'd be willing to wear a 'pad' during 'those' days. I respectful declined but she has been pressing me to try it.
my concern is: Will it go further? What happens if someday i decide i am uncomfortable with all the lingerie expectations from her? Will our sexual relationship become more dependent on my wearing lingerie more often? How will our total relationship fair in the future especially if my willingness to 'cross-dress' declines?
I broached these subjects with her & she has given me countless reassurances that it will go no further then lingerie, but I still wonder.
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Default Jul 17, 2014 at 09:13 AM
  #2
Actually it already has gone further than lingerie: Sanitary products aren't lingerie.

Next it could be a request for a tampon up your azz...

Idk "what if", I honestly don't, but your whole arrangement with this lady gives me the heebiejeebies and its got nothing to do with cross dressing.

Idk? She seems a bit controlling, buying lingerie for you (I'm assuming without your request) and then the telling you what to wear and when... Now some people are into being dominated I get that, honest I do, but she doesn't respect your "no" and actually presses the issue... That's a red flag right there.

Secondly? I'm pretty sure you 2 have already reached that point where lingerie is a must, and its obviously not enough anymore.
Thus the introduction of the pad and her insistance even after you politely declined.

Idk... I'm not judging, I don't have a vanilla sex life either, but this setup doesn't sound very healthy to me.

If it was me? I would decline the cross dressing and stuff next time, and see what her reaction is. Then make a decision on "what if"...

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SnakeCharmer
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Default Jul 17, 2014 at 02:48 PM
  #3
Hmmm ... It started out innocent enough, but she seems over-controlling and to constantly be upping the ante. In some contexts, her behavior would be defined as "grooming." If you're equally turned on, don't mind any of it and even like it, then there's no problem here. But if she's pushing you beyond your comfort levels, with promises of good things to come if you just do this one more thing for her, and if she keeps upping the ante, I see it as highly problematical.

I know a lot more about adults doing with children and men doing this with women. It seldom turns out well. She's plain lying when she says it won't go any further. It's constantly going further. This sounds more like domination and submission than a liking for lingerie and she's not being honest about it. If you're into that, it's fine. But if you're not, your girlfriend is playing a dishonest game with you. It's the dishonest way she's going about it that worries me.

Maybe you need to do some reading on the subject and decide if that's what you have in mind. If you google domination and submission you'll find plenty of information. Then make your own decision based on what feels right to you.
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Default Jul 19, 2014 at 07:51 AM
  #4
Only you can decide where to draw the line.

Speculation: perhaps she subconsciously wants you to push back? Have you tried asking her to dress up for you?

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timjohnez
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Default Jul 23, 2014 at 05:08 PM
  #5
Had a long in depth discussion with the GF about the entire situation. she told me she does like me in lingerie but understands when i decline her requests. She doesn't "need" me in them but she does "like" me in them. Her explanation for the pad suggestion was to better 'share' that time of the month and if i didn't feel comfortable with it, it was OK. In actuality i will admit i don't mind wearing panties now & then or even dressing in lingerie, the sex is fantastic! So for now we seem to have an understanding and more open discussion and enlightened information. Now it's just wait and see how she handles the rarer occasions of me in that wardrobe.
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timjohnez
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Default Jul 23, 2014 at 05:12 PM
  #6
to CANTEXPLAIN, she does dress up for me quite often, i've bought her a wide variety of lingerie and she's added to it herself. She enjoys dressing up in whatever enticing or erotic items available.
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sickmonkey
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Default Sep 04, 2014 at 04:27 AM
  #7
And your complaining? Man that's the stuff fantasies are made of. Has she spanked you yet?
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