Considering buying a sex toy.... again.

Frankbtl · Jul 28, 2014 at 03:44 PM

Hi AppalachianAxis, that's

!!! Before I answered I'd actually checked back on a couple of your other threads for a clue as to where the guilt might have come from, thought that being a guy might have had something to do with it so my replies hold just the same conviction now as before!!!

And still NO need AT ALL to be embarrassed if you want to talk about it a bit more............

Alison

Raindropvampire · Jul 28, 2014 at 09:53 PM

Absolutely no need for embarrassment. I like having my hair pulled, being bit and seeing guys in female lingerie. We all have certain tastes that others might not understand but there should be no shame in that. To each their own.

Jul 29, 2014 at 10:07 AM

i have been thinking of getting a fleshlight, which is a vagina hidden inside a flashlight.

Maybe there is a hidden penis equivalent for females. This way you can maybe conceal your embarrassment if someone goes through your room and so on.

Having said that I think most women at least have a vibrator. It is a lot more accepted for women to have a sex toy.

AppalachianAxis · Jul 29, 2014 at 01:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi AppalachianAxis, that's

!!! Before I answered I'd actually checked back on a couple of your other threads for a clue as to where the guilt might have come from, thought that being a guy might have had something to do with it so my replies hold just the same conviction now as before!!!

And still NO need AT ALL to be embarrassed if you want to talk about it a bit more............

Alison

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raindropvampire

Absolutely no need for embarrassment. I like having my hair pulled, being bit and seeing guys in female lingerie. We all have certain tastes that others might not understand but there should be no shame in that. To each their own.

Thank you both so very very much for the supportive words!

It's very hard for me to accept what I enjoy sexually, so your posts mean more than I can say.

I really want to move forward with this, I'm just worried. Worried I'll freak out again and get rid of whatever toy I get and end up having wasted a lot of money

Jul 29, 2014 at 01:24 PM

I think any "toy" is a good reliever. It's not always possible to have sex, but sometimes the desire comes at an awkward time. And, of course, when your partner is away, it's also difficult. At least you're not doing what many others are doing, and that's cheating on their partner with another lover! You just have deep, unfulfilled sexual desires that need to be met every now and then. Besides, I don't think a toy will ever replace the real thing, it can't offer you the human relationship/emotional part since it's a dead object, so don't worry about that.

I'll be honest OK, I'm a guy, never had a girlfriend, and I've considered buying one of those fake vaginas already. I also feel like I would have to hide it and it would be embarrassing if someone found it. But, if they do, I'm going to leave a little note attached saying "Well, what did you expect? I'm a guy, I have needs, I could never get the real thing, and my hands weren't good enough anymore."

TheWell · Jul 29, 2014 at 01:35 PM

Guys are allowed to enjoy sex toys too

Buy what you want, enjoy it. If you aren't hurting anyone there is nothing wrong with it.

Frankbtl · Jul 29, 2014 at 01:47 PM

Hi AppalachianAxis

What about a back up plan for if you do get to the freaking out stage, and then you won't have to worry (as much!!

) about that bit any more??
So.........a deal??? If you do get to that stage, what about coming back to us and talking about it?? And I for one would be only too happy to be telling you- it's alright, it's not abnormal in any way, there's nothing wrong with it, it doesn't need to change in the slightest who you are...............all that kind of stuff

because I believe it!!!
What do you think..........maybe a plan???

Alison

ifst5 · Jul 29, 2014 at 03:34 PM

I haven't read the previous responses to your thread in the hope of using my own instincts to reply to your concern. It seems that with a problem such as yours, logic isn't all that helpful. I mean if we look at the facts:

a) You know that sexual urges serve an important biological function.
b) You know that there are many hundreds of thousands of single/partnered/married heterosexual men who regularly use dildos as part of maintaining their sexual health.
c) You know that there is no obligation for you to keep or indeed, even use the dildo.

So with all this in mind, it's obvious to me, as an outsider, that this issue is caused by a deeply rooted emotional response to thoughts and behaviours whose origin your therapist is no doubt helping you discover. To that end, i would advise you proceed with this idea under the guidance of your therapist. I don't know if they've already been informed but it is my hope that they would be able to provide you with continued support and assistance. I hope we here can continue to help you in our own way. All the best to you.

Jul 29, 2014 at 08:35 PM

Maybe just buy a cucumber, wrap it in plastic for protection and then have sex with it.

Then if someone finds a cucumber in your room it's no big deal.

AppalachianAxis · Jul 29, 2014 at 09:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi AppalachianAxis

What about a back up plan for if you do get to the freaking out stage, and then you won't have to worry (as much!!

) about that bit any more??
So, a deal??? If you do get to that stage, what about coming back to us and talking about it?? And I for one would be only too happy to be telling you- it's alright, it's not abnormal in any way, there's nothing wrong with it, it doesn't need to change in the slightest who you are, all that kind of stuff

because I believe it!!!
What do you think, maybe a plan???

Alison

Maybe a plan! Thank you for your continued support, I think I might just do that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ifst5

I haven't read the previous responses to your thread in the hope of using my own instincts to reply to your concern. It seems that with a problem such as yours, logic isn't all that helpful. I mean if we look at the facts:

a) You know that sexual urges serve an important biological function.
b) You know that there are many hundreds of thousands of single/partnered/married heterosexual men who regularly use dildos as part of maintaining their sexual health.
c) You know that there is no obligation for you to keep or indeed, even use the dildo.

So with all this in mind, it's obvious to me, as an outsider, that this issue is caused by a deeply rooted emotional response to thoughts and behaviours whose origin your therapist is no doubt helping you discover. To that end, i would advise you proceed with this idea under the guidance of your therapist. I don't know if they've already been informed but it is my hope that they would be able to provide you with continued support and assistance. I hope we here can continue to help you in our own way. All the best to you.

You really hit the nail on the head, you did. Yup, it's an emotional issue, one that flies in the face of pure logic. I've simply always felt terribly guilty about this sort of thing, and while I did find using a toy physically enjoyable, it rendered me an emotional wreck afterwards.
But, as you guessed, I have been working on these issues with a therapist. And I am determined to try and employ the new frame of mind I am being taught to approach different aspects of my own sexual desires step by step. This, buying a toy again, being the next step. The urges aren't going anywhere after all.
Thank you very much for taking the time for such an insightful response, I really appreciate it and will absolutely take what you've said seriously.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

Maybe just buy a cucumber, wrap it in plastic for protection and then have sex with it.

Then if someone finds a cucumber in your room it's no big deal.

I've, uh, tried that before

For one thing, there's just something about the shape of a toy made for that expressed purpose that I find much more enjoyable. For another, a cucumber would go bad quick hiding in my room, don't you think?

BDPpartner · Jul 30, 2014 at 01:54 AM

One thing to remember in whatever avenue you choose is that you can always turn to the PC community for a good rant, support and interesting suggests

The cucumber always seems like a great idea, but in my experience they have a tendency to go soft b4 you know it

Jul 30, 2014 at 03:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AppalachianAxis

For another, a cucumber would go bad quick hiding in my room, don't you think?

You can buy a new one every week. Have sex with it then throw it in the trash.

otroo · 05:38 AM

First off for you guys looking at flesh lights I had one and really liked using it. Now AppalachianAxis my wife and I use toys on each other and there is nothing to feel bad about. If a person can achieve a great climax by using toy for it I believe any way you can get pleasure to go for unless it involves children or causing un wanted pain on others than have fun.

Sent from my Xoom using Tapatalk

Jul 30, 2014 at 07:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by otroo

First off for you guys looking at flesh lights I had one and really liked using it.

Please elaborate.

BDPpartner · Jul 30, 2014 at 05:53 PM

Otroo thank you for jogging my memory lol I'm on so many meds for my chronic pain that my memory can be awful

I have remembered that back in my early 20's my partner at the time gave me some money to go out and buy us a toy or two with the proviso that it was not really girlie. I got a gold vibrator and sent him pictures of it by the time he'd finished work he was so excited he insisted on the first go. That led to some incredible sex throughout the rest of our relationship; can't believe I had forgotten about it

buzz bee · Jul 30, 2014 at 06:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BDPpartner

One thing to remember in whatever avenue you choose is that you can always turn to the PC community for a good rant, support and interesting suggests

The cucumber always seems like a great idea, but in my experience they have a tendency to go soft b4 you know it

The nice thing about a cucumber is saving money and make a salad with it. Like having your cucumber and eating too.

TheWell · Jul 31, 2014 at 07:32 AM

You really want to eat the cuke after using it as a sex toy? Ummm ewww lol

AppalachianAxis · Jul 31, 2014 at 01:46 PM

Not sure if you're joking about the whole cucumber thing, but eating it? Eeeeeeewwww!

I'm still really on the fence about this whole thing. Part of me reallllly wants to get one, part of me is scared to do so, knowing I'll feel, well, 'impure' keeping a fake penis in my room.

They're also really expensive!

Frankbtl · Jul 31, 2014 at 02:36 PM

AppalachianAxis, You said "keeping"!!

.

And time to challenge those thoughts of "impurity", or where they've come from?? And you've now got a few more weapons in doing that, hey?? I mean none of us are judging you!!

I mean everyone will have their own personal standards and that's fine..........but when they're hurting themselves, maybe time to have another look at how well they really work. And besides I have the feeling that those standards more belong to prejudices set out by others rather than to YOU.
So "impure" in my eyes just because you've got/use a dildo..........not "buying it"!!!

That's kind of next to saying it's a sin, and we know it's not, don't we??!! Don't we??!!!

And if I'm still having to convince you!!

If you can't quite let go of thinking it's.......
For me the quality of "purity" is well down the list when it comes to other qualities e.g. compassion, empathy, sensitivity, caring.............now those are the qualities to really be respected, the qualities that can make a real difference, the qualities that make a person outstanding. Wouldn't you agree?? Just a little??

Alison

Jul 31, 2014 at 11:24 PM

Just buy the cucumber and go to town on it already

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Raindropvampire smiling musical soul Member Since Mar 2010 Location: Indy Posts: 43,373 (SuperPoster!) 14 1,837 hugs given	Jul 28, 2014 at 09:53 PM #22 Absolutely no need for embarrassment. I like having my hair pulled, being bit and seeing guys in female lingerie. We all have certain tastes that others might not understand but there should be no shame in that. To each their own.
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Anonymous33211 Guest Posts: n/a	Jul 29, 2014 at 10:07 AM #23 i have been thinking of getting a fleshlight, which is a vagina hidden inside a flashlight. Maybe there is a hidden penis equivalent for females. This way you can maybe conceal your embarrassment if someone goes through your room and so on. Having said that I think most women at least have a vibrator. It is a lot more accepted for women to have a sex toy.
	Reply With Quote

TheWell Carpe Diem Member Since Aug 2012 Location: New England, USA Posts: 4,312 11 631 hugs given	Jul 29, 2014 at 01:35 PM #26 Guys are allowed to enjoy sex toys too Buy what you want, enjoy it. If you aren't hurting anyone there is nothing wrong with it.
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Anonymous33211 Guest Posts: n/a	Jul 29, 2014 at 08:35 PM #29 Maybe just buy a cucumber, wrap it in plastic for protection and then have sex with it. Then if someone finds a cucumber in your room it's no big deal.
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BDPpartner Veteran Member Member Since Apr 2012 Posts: 617 12 90 hugs given	Jul 30, 2014 at 01:54 AM #31 One thing to remember in whatever avenue you choose is that you can always turn to the PC community for a good rant, support and interesting suggests The cucumber always seems like a great idea, but in my experience they have a tendency to go soft b4 you know it __________________
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TheWell Carpe Diem Member Since Aug 2012 Location: New England, USA Posts: 4,312 11 631 hugs given	Jul 31, 2014 at 07:32 AM #37 You really want to eat the cuke after using it as a sex toy? Ummm ewww lol
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AppalachianAxis Member Member Since Sep 2012 Location: North Carolina Posts: 156 11 45 hugs given	Jul 31, 2014 at 01:46 PM #38 Not sure if you're joking about the whole cucumber thing, but eating it? Eeeeeeewwww! I'm still really on the fence about this whole thing. Part of me reallllly wants to get one, part of me is scared to do so, knowing I'll feel, well, 'impure' keeping a fake penis in my room. They're also really expensive!
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Anonymous33211 Guest Posts: n/a	Jul 31, 2014 at 11:24 PM #40 Just buy the cucumber and go to town on it already
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