Considering buying a sex toy.... again.

Totally joking. Sometimes I have a sick and dark sense of humor. That would be very very gross. Yuck

You have to circumcise...Uuhmm, I mean peel the skin off first

You all are killing me with the cucumber thing

So I guess we should really teach kids about

"The Birds, Bees and the Cucumber"

I drove truck for over 11 years my wife have me permission to sleep with other girls but they could not be hookers or anything like that. Well I bought a flesh light and I really liked it so much that I never stepped out on my wife even with her permission. Now op if you shop around sometime you can find cucumbers on sales like two for one type stuff. If you fear you are going to throw it away just buy cheaper ones made online. Oh and check this out.

Ingredients
4 cucumbers, thinly sliced1 small white onion, thinly sliced1 cup white vinegar
1/2 cup water3/4 cup white sugar1 tablespoon dried dill, or to taste
Adjust Servings

Adjust
Metric US Original recipe yields 8 servings
Directions

Toss together the cucumbers and onion in a large bowl. Combine the vinegar, water and sugar in a saucepan over medium-high heat. Bring to a boil, and pour over the cucumber and onions. Stir in dill, cover, and refrigerate until cold. This can also be eaten at room temperature, but be sure to allow the cucumbers to marinate for at least 1 hour.
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Yeah and the vinegar will kill the germs.

If you are willing to put your mouth onto someone's actual penis, then eating a cucumber that you just had sex with should not be a problem. Black widow spiders eat their sexual partners all the time, you can do the same

If you died and your friends or family found it, they'd say, something like hm, I have the same thing in red!
Just because something is private does not make it bad or shameful! Buy one, keep it. Put a note in your hiding place with a joke about how if they found this, and your dead, to please see that it go to the grave with you.

Thank you everyone for your continued responses. It's awfully nice to be able to get advice about this here
First, let me cover the cucumber thing in seriousness, insofar as I can, lol. I know that would actually be a great discreet way to go about it, but part of the challenge I'm potentially setting up for myself here is that of coming to terms with actually owning a sex toy. To be able to accept the fact that I have in my possession an object designed for sexual use would be a big step for me. I haven't been able to do it in the past.
I do have my eyes on one potentially, I'll admit. Here's the thing, it's pretty costly. My worry, as I've stated is that I'll fly into another bout of self-hatred and throw the thing away in an attempt to make myself feel better, as I have done in the past. That would be a lot of money wasted in a moment of clouded thinking .
One idea I've had is to 'start out' with a cheaper toy and maybe see where that goes. That way, if I do become so mortified as to toss the thing, it won't be as much cash down the drain. Thing is, I've tried getting a 'cheap' dildo before, it wasn't great. It got dirty, it wasn't very good quality, and frankly the thing smelled horrible.
The one I'd like to get is top-notch quality, as far as fake penises go, but like I said, it ain't cheap.

Thanks again to everyone who has taken the time to respond to this. Yes, even you all in the cucumber crowd! I know my fears are not logical and that my concerns are largely unfounded, but this is a much deeper issue than that. I'm OK with the idea of getting a toy again most of the time, but there are moments where I berate myself for even considering it, and it's those thoughts I need to get a grip on. Having a place to talk about it helps more than I can say.

Could be a cultural, thing, or just the way you were brought up. My wife has toys in her nightstand, and has talked to our daughter about them. (daughter is 23y) They joke about them too, sex isn't taboo in our family. You seem to understand it's just something in your head though, nothing to be ashamed of at all.

If you haven't been, maybe you should go to a sex toy party, it's just like a tupperware party for sex toys. You might be surprised who shows up. And you might get a different perspective on it. My wife and her friends have more fun at those things, they laugh so much. I like it cause it has residual effects after the party

I've been to a sex toy party. It was hilarious.

Your fears are your fears and you are allowed to have them.

Hi Appalachian, re: the guilt- could you print out some of the replies on here and (after you've got it!! ) if the guilt came up then just refer back to them, could help a little???
Or write down each of your thoughts/concerns as they may come into your head- and next to them something to counteract them e.g. if there are other people NOT judging me why be so hard on myself, so who am I harming.................even (!!) well at least it's not a cucumber . Then refer back to that and keep reminding yourself of..................
And a wild thought........even give it a name if it helps
But this: "That would be a lot of money wasted in a moment of clouded thinking" it isn't clouded thinking is it??!! . I'd say that this is the part of you that wants to break through, away from the prejudices out there, maybe?? Perhaps it's more them that are clouding your thinking??
And even make a deal/promise with yourself, if you feel like throwing it away, you're going to wait for one week (??) before you make that decision.
And in that time- you're back to us, feeling better about it and challenging those thoughts of..........again until you get that there's nothing wrong with it/you and feel good about yourself just the way you are And why not??!!!!

Alison

I sold "After Dark" and I loved giving the parties. They were a blast. I had to stop because two little kid I know needed their mommy more and My hubby was heading to Iraq for 15 months.

Did you ever think this post would get so much feed back.

Thank you again, I may do just that. I KNOW, from a standpoint of logic, that everything I've been told here is true. That it's OK, that it's normal, that I'm not hurting anyone, etc. It's just that the emotional plummet I often feel can be very strong, and it overcomes logical reasoning. However, if I had the restraint to wait a week before making any decision.... that could work

I really really didn't lol. But as I keep saying, I really do appreciate all the feedback, even if a lot of it is cucumber jokes!

I am jealous of your cucumber

Here is a ideal get one of those safes for paper work that is large enough for your toy. When you are not using it lock the bad boy up. Now if you get thoughts of throwing it away take the keys to work with you and leave them in your desk until you change your mind. I would also come on here and tell us what is going on so we can talk with you. Now if you are worried about someone finding it if something happens to you write on the safe do not open. Oh if you don't have a place to store your keys get a small post office box in a town that is far enough away that it will take some time to get to and mail your keys there.

I had the chance to speak about this with my T today, which was awfully nice. She didn't say yes or no, just that she thought it was I good idea if I thought it was a good idea.
I'm pretty determined to move forward! I'm thinking about taking steps though. Like maybe purchase some, well, lube first and see how I feel keeping that around. If I'm still OK with it after a little while, then it'll be on to the toy itself.
And if I do get into one of my modes of self-hatred and guilt over it, I'm going to take the advice I was given here and wait at least one week before doing anything about it. In that time, I can come here and vent.

I must sound like a broken record now, but thanks again to all who've taken the time to reply, it makes a world of difference for me.

Way to go Appalachian!!!! Sounds really positive, and all at your own pace.........but remember we're all here for you all the way!!
And you can do a few things with lube too, until.........!!



Alison

P.S. No you don't sound like a broken record Great to have you around!!
And drop by anytime!! We expect nothing less!!!