Considering buying a sex toy.... again.

So, this is awkward to talk about, but here goes. I'm thinking of getting a dildo again.
I've got a long history with these most infamous imitations of the male genital anatomy. Years ago I broke down and got one, just too curious to not at least try one for myself any longer. I tried it and, well, I liked it. A lot. But after I used the toy I was overcome with feelings of guilt and I immediately threw the thing away. Some time passed and I thought to myself, you know, I really did enjoy how that felt. So I got another one. Same thing, used it, felt bad about it, threw it away. Sometimes I'd manage to keep one for a week or so, but it would always be on my mind. I was always thinking, "OMG I have a dildo hiding in my room, what is wrong with me?!" I had irrational concerns such as, "If I were to die today, someone would find a fake penis in one of my drawers." And I was mortified by that thought.
So, I haven't had one in a long time. But, thing is, that 'ol familiar feeling is creeping back up on me again, and I kinda want to try getting another dildo. I'm taking regular sex therapy lessons, learning to try and get more comfortable and more accepting of my own body and my own desires, so it plays into that. Or maybe I'm just trying to justify a hormone-fueled whim, I don't know.

What do some of you guys think? I'm open to opinions and suggestions. And please be respectful, I know almost everyone here is, but even from the comfortable anonymity of the internet, this is still embarrassing to talk about.
Thanks!

im kinda embarrassed to answer this cause what if my friends see it and then they will know I have a sex toy at home...lol.....but being single for 14 years I need something....but I suffer the same shameful thoughts...what if I die and my kids find it when they clean out my underwear drawer...but then I figure what the hell...they know I have been alone..i think it is the shame that has been drilled into us about masturbation that makes us think this way..we have to fill our minds with the research that it is totally healthy and normal and feels good to get over that bad programmed stuff. simply put, it is wrong. there is nothing wrong with feeling good. were not hurting anybody by doing it. so go buy your toy and enjoy.

The guilt is a bunch of puritanical social / tribal garbage. Throw those thoughts where they belong - IN the garbage!!!

In the name of humanity and reason, please, go. ahead. and. buy. another. one. Empower yourself.

If I die my closest friends have the job to get my journals and to empty the top drawer of my night stand.

I don't think there is anything to be ashamed of.

"Appalachian Axis" would be a good name for a sex toy. It has three interchangeable heads, four speeds (including reverse) and a demister for cold weather.

My closest friends are under instructions to burn my hard drive and cell phone and to sweep my underwear drawer in the event of my demise...rofl there's enough lube in there to fit an SUV into a doghouse. :P

But screw it...you want one? Get one. Anyone's who's gonna judge you for what you do behind closed doors isn't really worth your time anyway, imo.

There is no shame in self pleasure. The irony is that I have never owned a toy of my own but have helped several friends shop for theirs. I've always been blessed to either be in a relationship or to have a friends with benefits thing going. If I ever find myself without then I would definitely get a toy. What do I care what people would think of me after my demise? Heck at least they would know I was having fun

A year ago I was post-divorce, deeply in therapy, started dating my boyfriend, who is quite adventurous... And it was like discovering my body and solo/partnered sex for the first time. I bought sex toys for the first time (I got curious because of his collection), and ho boy, let's just say that if I die and someone other than my partner cleans out my things, they are gonna get an eyeful! I figure that whatever happens to me when I die, I'm not going to be likely to care about who sees my sex toys. Not to mention the fact that it's statistically very unlikely that I'm going to die anytime soon.

If it isn't important to you that they look realistic, there are maybe a few dildos out there (generally glass, metal, or ceramic) that look more like art objects than dildos. But unfortunately, there are a lot fewer discreet, non-realistic dildos than other toys, like vibrators.

Hi AppalachianAxis, as for the justifying it bit........you don't have to justify anything about it!!! It is what it is, and certainly not abnormal!!
And the "OMG I have a dildo hiding in my room, what is wrong with me?!"............if you were trying to hide it on the dining room table when you were having friends around for dinner, then there might be something wrong with you but hopefully you're a long way from that .
And besides..........where did we get the "hiding" bit from???? Do you reckon maybe "keeping it........." is the better term???
But you know, guilt in just having/using one is coming across quite a bit there. Do you think maybe you could pin down where some of that guilt is coming from (if you don't already know) and find some ways to challenge that guilt and work through it??
Because you would be doing nothing that hundreds of thousands (figures not researched based there but you get the message) of other people aren't/wouldn't be doing.
And "I had irrational concerns such as, "If I were to die today, someone would find............". Do you really want to live the rest of your life as a pillar of strict "morality" or almost complete innocence........not doing this, not doing that in case.........or do you want to live!!!
There is so much out there including..............to experience, to enjoy, why let it pass you by when life can be so short anyway, just because.......???
And if someone who cared about/loved you found it when.......you'd ***** expect them to remember the so many other aspects of you, right?? Their memories, all the big and little things they cared about/loved you for, right?? I would!!!
And in the bigger picture finding something like that should seriously fade in significance (if it had any!!!) besides all the other things.
But please don't feel awkward or embarrassed about talking about these kind of things on here. It is important to talk about them if they are bothering you, and there are so many non-judgmental, open-minded people on here.
Still, thank you for sharing as much as you did, and I hope you can talk more if you need to.

Alison

Please don't feel embarrassed you are in a safe place to talk about intimate issues

I had the same fears 'something happening to me and the shock my family would get' so I purchased a vanity case with combination lock and left a trusted friend with instructions to dispose of it should my fears be realised.

If you were to die and someone found your dildo, why would you care? You'd be dead. I guess you'd just be worried about how that would damage the psyche of whoever found it. I highly doubt it would be nearly as painful to them to know you had a sex toy as it is to you to not have one.

I mean, I don't have a dildo. I need one really badly but I haven't gotten one because I can't ever get myself to spend money on one. But I mess around with stuff I find. I was home alone in my apartment for a week and my roommates came back a day earlier than I thought they were. To make it worse, I was not home when they came home and I left a few bananas, a butter knife, and a bottle of lube in the bathroom out in plain sight. Personally, I feel like that mix of objects is equally as embarrassing as a dildo if not more embarrassing because it isn't exactly common practice plus it leaves you to wonder what exactly I was doing with a kind of weird mix of crap. But you know what happened? Nothing. They teased me a little. I teased myself to own it. I cleaned everything up and our relationships weren't changed in the slightest. Okay, occasionally they mock me with fruit. But that's fine. I'll mock myself with fruit too.

You could say it would be different if your kids found it searching your room after you died, but it really wouldn't be. Unless they are so young that they wouldn't know what it was when they found it in which case it wouldn't matter, I'm pretty sure 99% of people know their parents have sexual needs even if they don't like thinking about it. There is nothing to be ashamed of.

As someone that used to sell toys....go for it. As a woman I say....go go go!!
I had one that was a soft plastic (looks like jello). I personally did not like it. It might be a trial and error. If your married or have a partner bring it out. Nothing wrong with it.

Having been a single guy several times (twice divorced) and having learned from experience. I wouldn't date a woman who does NOT own at least one if she has been single for more than a few months. It has been my experience that a woman who enjoys sex and the big "O" will own at least one BOB (boyfriend on batteries). If she doesn't there is a good possibility she doesn't enjoy sex or doesn't not have pleasure as a priority. I will go out with a woman a while but when the relationship progresses to the point we are ready for intimacy it's one of my first questions. A couple times i had the conversation quite early in the dating process as i am quite sexual by nature. I don't understand the feelings of guilt, do you have guilty feelings enjoying a glass of wine, or buying yourself a new outfit? It might be a different story if you were using a toy as a substitute for the real thing in a committed relationship instead of seeking pleasure from your partner. My current partner owns several, had a couple when we met and we have since added to the 'toy box'. Sure we incorporate them in our relationship by mutual agreement and in ways we both enjoy but i honestly believe she doesn't use them to substitute for me, well except for the infrequent occasions i am out of town for the company.
My thoughts are: lose the guilty feelings, get a toy box started and admit you enjoy sex and the feelings and pleasure. It can be a great addition and add spice to a relationship.

I can identify strongly with your concern. I have probably lost count of the number of sex toys (dildos, vibrators, and butt plugs) that I have bought and then purged. Panties, too: Before I came out of the men-who-like-to-wear panties closet, I would buy panties, use them as masturbation aids and to heighten the pleasure of my fetishes, and then put them in the garbage. It was buy panties, get off on them (now there's an interesting use of prepositions!), toss them, buy panties, get off on them, toss them, again and again ad nauseum.

There was always a lot of shame and guilt, and probably will be in the future. But sex toys of any description are neither good nor bad, and using them is neither good nor bad. If we feel shame and guilt, it's only because our society has chosen to demonize all but the most "puritan" of sexual activities, and to demonize anyone who enjoys sexual activities other than heterosexual intercourse for the purpose of procreation.

Here's an idea: Imagine that you have been charged with the "sexual offence" of using a vibrator to obtain an orgasm. Your defence is that you purchase of the vibrator was legal, that you used it alone, in private or with a consenting adult, and that no one was harmed by its use.

• The prosecutor says that you should not have bought the vibrator, because it was a "bad" purchase. He cannot provide any evidence of its badness, except that other people say it's bad, and that won't be admitted as evidence because it's hearsay.

• He or an expert witness or a given book might state that it's a "bad" purchase, but there is no scientific evidence of that.

• The prosecutor might say that the vibrator is harmful to society. Again, he'll be hard pressed to find scientific evidence of potential harm to society.

• The prosecutor might say that the Bible warns against using vibrators, but he won't be able to find a quotation from the Bible that even mentions vibrators, much less warns about using them. Besides which, the law is not based on the Bible, at least in sexual matters.

• The prosecutor might say that the user of a vibrator is endangering his or her health (which it probably isn't, although anything can be used to endanger health). The defence could reply that it is not illegal for anyone to endanger their own health.

In short, I cannot envision any legal charge against using any sex toy in the privacy of your own home, with or without the company of a consenting adult, that would stand up in court.

The court of public opinion is another matter, of course. The challenge for any sexually adventurous person is to ignore public opinion, which is nearly always based on ignorance and superstition, and to do what they feel is best for them. Anyone who disapproves probably isn't worth having a relationship with.

Other

Wow, thank you guys so much for so many replies, and so fast!

Well, I really appreciate you risking being 'caught' to answer my question! Thank you for your input!

Well, when you put it like that Trick with me is, all my guilt is self-inflicted. No negative external forces telling me it's 'wrong,' just me.

You make some very good points, thank you. As for the 'artistic' toys, well, the one's I'm interested in are fairly, well, you'd know what they were if you found one!

Thank you very much for such an extensive response! You make so many great points. Firstly, I like your suggestion of 'keeping' it instead of 'hiding' it, just that wording puts me in a position of control. As for the guilty thing, yes, it's very strong, and I'm working on it. I've been in Sex Therapy sessions for a good while now, and I do have a good idea on where it comes from, it actually plays heavily into what you say latter in your post. When you ask if I want to live my life as a pillar of strict motility and innocence, the answer is yes, I do. I've always tried to. And trying to come to terms with the fact that sexual activity isn't anything that takes away from that ideal is my main struggle, but I'm working on it!
Thank you again for your response. It means a lot.

I'm thinking I'm determined to get one. I just know I have to do it for the right reasons. I can't do this on some horny whim, or I know I'll regret it. I have to make this choice in order to better myself, to understand myself, and accept myself. I need to do this to 'get better' not to 'get off.'

Thanks once again everyone for your responses, I really appreciate it!

Hi AppalachianAxis, OK.......reasons other than on a horny whim or just "to get off" ...........challenge accepted!!!
How about something/s, anything from these links????:
11 Reasons You Should Be Having More Orgasms
Top 10 Health Benefits of Orgasm | MSN Arabia
10 Reasons to Up Your Orgasm Quotient
Ancient Egyptian Sexual Ankhing by Drunvalo
The Solar Plexus Chakra
So if buying a sex toy is going to help you with that.............then not really a "bad" thing, hey???

Alison

If I were you, I'd turn the problem into a money-making operation? Open a "dildo of the month" club and ship to others like you who keep buying and throwing them away and then no one will question why you have one?

I would make is half price if they are used first though.

Very information and eye-opening stuff there! Thank you. I know all the health and mental benefits of regular orgasms, my issues lie in the crushing feelings of guilt and shame that accompany each of mine and are made worse by use of, well, toys.

Sounds lucrative! Lol.

There's also something I get the feeling might not be coming across too clearly.
I'm a guy.

I don't know if that will affect any of the advice you all have given me, which I continue to appreciate enormously, but I thought I should get that out there. That might give a better idea of why I'm so conflicted and embarrassed by this whole ordeal.

I'll just put a paper bag on my head and shrink away from all public interaction due to mortifying embarrassment now shall I?