"Nymphomania" ...it sucks.

Hi guys, it's been a while since I've posted. My usual issues involves PTSD from sexual abuse and depression/anxiety, but this past year has gone downhill fast. I'm still on my Klonopin, (but I've FINALLY weaned off of my Vistaril and Remeron), but now I pretty much abuse myself every single night (multiple times) just so I can sleep. If not, I get sick and irritable. (And by abuse, I take my hitachi magic wand and bludgeon my sex with it. It won't be long before I crush a nerve and lose all feeling in it).

My husband is my best friend and I adore him, but he can't keep up...at all. He suggested I find a "f***buddy," which is a nice and thoughtful gesture (he's extremely non-sexual and I thought this would have been an issue, but that was his idea). I have not and probably will not act on it, but my god, it's tempting. I've broken 9 high-end vibrators, burned out the motor on my last "master blaster" magic wand, and I think about sex 24/7. It's sick. I'm sick, and I hate myself more than I did yesterday for it, which was more than it was the day before that. I feel like a disgusting slut pig and the scum of the earth, but I can't stop.

A lot of people think it would be so great to live with a "wife like me." It's not. It's a nightmare. A nightmare for me, and a nightmare for him. And it's not fair to him. I can't shut my stupid libido off, and I wake myself up dryhumping my pillow. Oh, and now I squirt. I think it's gross, but he thinks it's kind of neat.
Just kill me now. *facepalm*

The thing that kills me is that during my orgasm, all is right with the world for that 3 to 10-second moment of bliss. And after that, I have another 10 seconds to a minute before I decide to either embrace the "happy" that accompanies the act (along with the endorphins and adrenaline rush), OR, I go into a self-hating shame-spiral. Anymore, it's 50/50. I can't keep doing this. I've tried to stop, and every time I do, I get sick. Does anyone else out there have this problem? I've looked all over for some kind of "sex addicts anonymous" here in northeast Ohio and came up with nothing designed specifically for women.

I'm sorry if I offended anyone with this post, but I'm getting desperate.

Well, yeah kinda sorta went through phases like that but then I'm a guy. People almost expect that from us right? So much for the relating and bonding and flocking together
I don't know what to say that would really help. Except that you haven't actually done anything that would make anyone else think of you as a disgusting slut pig or anything that should make you feel all that self hatred and shame. I understand that when it becomes a compulsive or obsessive thing then it's a problem. Unless a doctor can find some biological/hormonal cause and cure maybe you can just try to ride it out and see if it runs its course and tapers off. Meantime try not to beat yourself up about it.

I wish it was that easy. I don't just beat myself up emotionally; I'm borderline mutilating my anatomy because I can't stop. I've been waiting for this to run its course and go away, but it's been well over a year, and progressively getting worse. I used to hate sex...being used as a toilet when you're just a little girl will have that effect. But ever since my breakdown 2 years ago, after the meds and the therapy and everything else, it's that 10-second moment of euphoria that "makes it all go away." If I could lobotomize my libido, I would. I've seriously contemplated doing irreversible and regrettable things to my life in order to make it go away, but I can't put my family through that. And it sucks that I literally have no one to talk to about this, because they think it's funny or "hot." If they saw what I've done to my anatomy, they would think differently.

I know it isn't easy and I'm sorry if I made it sound that way. It is related to your being abused but the reasons you do this have probably already occurred to you and if you have a therapist I'm sure that's already been discussed. If you have a gyn doc maybe you could discuss ways of making sure you don't do any permanent damage?

Char-Lee ... listen, it might be a good idea for you to see a neurologist. What you're describing can be caused by a brain wave problem. It's called something like neurological hypersexuality. Nymphomania is a loaded cultural term, one that applies only to women and has a lot of judgment attached to it. This problem is not your fault. You'd control it if you could.

A long time ago, I read a non-fiction book called Seized that described it. At first, it was hard for me to believe so I read some journal articles and it is a real neurological problem. It can be controlled with medication. Finding the right one might take some trial and error.

If you do decide to seek medical help, it'll probably be in your best interest to say you think you may be experiencing some sort or neurological hypersexuality, instead of calling yourself a nymphomaniac, just because of cultural bias against a loaded term.

Most neurologists will know how to proceed to help you.

I wish you the best of luck.

Thank you. I've been trying to read up on whatever I can find about the subject, but a lot of the online pages go straight to porn pages that think labeling a woman a "nympho" is a cute and sexy thing. There is NOTHING cute or sexy about this; it's painful and kind of disgusting. My husband doesn't understand why I sometimes go to bed crying if I'm having a shame-spiral; it all depends on where my head goes directly after release. If it goes to a bad place, the following day goes straight down the sh!tter.

I know it's all in my head. I don't even know where I "go" when I'm compelled to do this to myself. I know I desperately need to stop, but fighting it just seems to make it worse. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a total prude and I *do* enjoy my orgasms, but every single day, multiple times a day, until my wrists hurt and I end up with blisters and cuts on my hoo-ha? That's messed up.

Char-Lee, there's nothing cute of funny about what's happening to you. You're describing forced hypersexuality to the point of self-injury that's beyond your control and that can leave you really with guilt, shame and remorse.

If the problem is neurological -- coming from subtle changes in your brainwaves -- all the therapy in the world won't have much of an impact. That's why you need to see a neurologist. It's embarrassing to discuss these actions, but if you bring what you've written here and give it to the neurologist to read it can make it easier for you.

Changes in brain waves can occur due to some insult to the brain, like a concussion. Even a small concussion. We now know that several small head bumps can cause some lasting neurological problems. Fever can cause it. Many other things. And sometimes the reason is never found. An EEG test is usually used to help diagnosis. Maybe an MRI. As well as an exam by the doctor.

If it's neurological, medication can stop it from happening. Even then, psychotherapy may help you deal with any damage to your self-esteem and marriage that occurred as a result of these uncontrolled episodes.

Hang in there. I'm pretty sure you can recover from this with the proper medical help.

Hey, sorry to hear you're struggling so badly. I know there are inpatient treatment centers that focus on types of counseling, plus they're a lot of meds that are supposed to help. You might want to talk to a pdoc and sex therapist. Best of luck and try not to beat yourself up, it's a biochemical imbalance.