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Old 02-20-2007, 11:00 AM #21
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Default Re: ok I\';ll bite the bullet

Rhapsody.......that is soooooo romantic!!!!!!!!!!!! You lucky girl, you!
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Old 02-20-2007, 01:23 PM #22
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Default Re: ok I\'ll bite the bullet

ok from a mans point of veiw, what do you do when the loving runs cold, and by that i mean when you want something to happen sexually and it doesnt, when you ask for something to happen and she says no, where are we expected to go from there? whats the protocol? are we to blame?, are we classed as perverted? what do we do to try and get back on track if anything, or should we carry on regardless?

i would be happy to hear k8immydawns full point of veiw, not the edited version she has posted, sorry kimmy i never saw your original post so didnt get chance to react.in time

edited by myself to add

i prefer the woman to be in charge sexually, i do my best to keep up, repeatedly, but when do you say enough is enough? without sounding like a wimp?
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Old 02-20-2007, 02:04 PM #23
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Default Re: ok I\'ll bite the bullet

Well, my point is...first KNOW your partner, their likes and dislikes...

then...

WITHIN those likes (or a good guess it would be), get crazy, daring.

Work to peak the interest that will get you what you've been missing as well.

It's important, though, while doing the "crazy" not to step into an area that you're not sure about or know (or have a pretty good guess) that it wouldn't be received well.

For instance, a simple dinner out can add an element of risk and naughtiness to it. Making it fun for both is paramount, I think.

There are really alot of ways to spice it up in a way that would encourage the partner to want to go that extra mile again. Sometimes, in busy lives, sex can become mechanical...just release. It's the intimacy before and after that that women most complain about missing.

Communication is necessary to find out what they might feel they're missing as well and combining the two when setting the bar.

I guess what I'm saying is it helps to take the ordinary out of it once in a while but upping the bar...carefully not upping it too far.

KD
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Old 02-20-2007, 02:51 PM #24
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Default Re: ok I\'ll bite the bullet

you missed my point kimmy, i dont have a bar, i will go has far has i am taken, and beyond, and be happy to boot, what do i do when i am told that i dont go that extra mile when i do everything asked of me? what else can i do? bearing in mind i do what i am told?
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Old 02-20-2007, 03:32 PM #25
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Default Re: ok I\'ll bite the bullet

I guess I have a problem saying what I want. it embarresses me. dang maybe I am getting old lol

I agree kimmy. darn wish he was home nights again errrrrrr
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Old 02-20-2007, 03:42 PM #26
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Default Re: ok I\'ll bite the bullet

Mellors, I don't know -- this is so individual and personal that I can't possibly KNOW what you're doing right or wrong, ok?

Three possibilities come to mind:
a) you are/were with someone who you don't have the right sexual connection with
b) you're putting too much emphasis on the 'result', which does NOT work for a lot of women
c) I think it might be rare to find a woman/person that likes being in complete charge of the sexual experience. It doesn't sound healthy - in fact, my ex-husband always expected that I was supposed to be instantly orgasmic about whatever it is he was doing and if I wasn't, it was "because I didn't have an open mind" (his words). That wasn't true - my mind is extremely open about sex and intimacy, but I want balance and interactivity in my sexual relationship (not limited to a trapeze... heh). Someone who cares what *I* like, and wants sex to be about sharing rather than giving/taking. Someone like him (who expects to be in total control) might find someone like you (who wants to do as commanded) and everyone involved would be happy. But it doesn't sound like something I personally would want, nor does it would like something that could last very long.

Just some ideas...
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Old 02-20-2007, 03:55 PM #27
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Default Re: ok I\'ll bite the bullet

Its been my experience that men are always ready and women are not always ready. At least for me. I don't need it all the time. But men seem to be able to and want to anytime all the time. It makes me feel like a vessel when its "expected" of me.

I don't mean to generalize, I know that not all men and not all women are alike, I'm just speaking from my own experience. I have yet to find a man who can take it or leave like me. I have yet to find a man who doesn't get mad when he's in the mood and I'm not. I know those men exist, I just haven't found one.

So mellors, I don't know how to answer your question......I guess just be understanding when the woman isn't in the mood. The more men push or get angry, the less turned on I get, until eventually, I don't want it at all.

I might be really jaded though, these are just opinions based on my past experiences.
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Old 02-20-2007, 04:01 PM #28
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Default Re: ok I\'ll bite the bullet

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Raynaadi said:
Its been my experience that men are always ready and women are not always ready....But men seem to be able to and want to anytime all the time.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

That's because you're not past your fertility prime and trying to get pregnant... ok I';ll bite the bullet ok I';ll bite the bullet

Ok, reading the rest of your post now... sorry for the interlude
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Old 02-20-2007, 04:15 PM #29
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Default Re: ok I\'ll bite the bullet

The "vessel" -- that's exactly how I described what my ex-husband expected of me. That, or an inflatable doll. He didn't seem to understand what 'intimacy' meant for me. He thought he was sufficiently intimate.

My (what I like to call "permanent") husband is terrific - we both have our good days and bad days, and he is compassionate and understanding. Guys like that ARE out there... ok I';ll bite the bullet
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Old 02-20-2007, 04:17 PM #30
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Default Re: ok I\'ll bite the bullet

i guess what i am saying is i have never been in control when it comes to a sexual relationship, i have always done what i have been told, dont get me wrong, thats what i want, i want them to instigate everything, i want them to be in control, to tell me what to do, when to do it and how, i just dont get it when i do all of the above and somehow i am still not doing what they want, i pick domenering women for a reason, and that reason is lack of self confidence in myself, it doesnt help when i do what is desired of me and it still is not enough, when i tryed to instigate anything i got shot down quicker than a brit plane in a us airspace warzone, sorry low blow, but you get my point, blunt has it may be, how can i be to blame when the sexual relationship fails if i was not in control of it in the first place?
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