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Old 04-03-2007, 09:51 PM #71
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Default Re: what do YOU MEN say?

That is such an interesting question, biiv. It is actually something I have been through recently. I met a guy who I didn't find physically attractive in any way. In fact, I found him unattractive. I felt ZERO chemistry with him. Our personalities clicked, though, and we started to spend a lot of time together. I sensed that he was interested in me and I decided to try to open my mind to the possibility of LEARNING to find him attractive... because I have a history of going for chemistry first, and ending up in emotionally unhealthy relationships. I decided to go for substance over superficial attraction this time round. Over a period of 6 months, I actually succeeded in CONVINCING myself to find him physically attractive. I didn't think it was possible, but because who he seemed to be inside was appealing to me, I developed a strong physical attraction to him.

P.S. There's a very odd addendum to this story that's much more complicated, but I won't go into that here.
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Old 04-04-2007, 02:08 AM #72
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Default Re: what do YOU MEN say?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
biiv said:
i actually find the mechanics of attraction absolutely fascinating. i wonder where it really comes from

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">


When you asked where does it come from it got me thinking back to a familiar TV show - Home Improvement w/ Tim Allen..... and his neighbor Mr. Wilson.
This particular show was about Tim being attracted to a business woman that came on his show and how Tim started to act while around her (flirty).

Well, Jill (his wife) noticed this and was hurt by Tim's reactions when he was around this woman and she said something to Tim about it and as usual Tim went to the fence to talk to his well educated and knowledgeable neighbor about the matter and this is what Mr Wilson said (more or less).

... That while Tim loves his wife and would never cheat on her - he was physically drawn to this woman due to their hormones being noticed (smelt) with in the nose - a biological force that usually cannot be denied when it goes into action, hence the natural sexual pulling of Tim to Her (and) that Tim was visually drawn to her for she represented the form of fertility in his mind eyes, that which a man subconsciously seeks in a female.

* * * * * *

Basically I mentioned this show for it shows how we can often be physically drawn to another person even when we are not wanting it - so to me attraction is created with in us and then it is sculpted and molded by our society (good and bad).

* * * * * *


WOW!! - - - - - TV can be entertaining and educational all at the same time.
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Old 04-04-2007, 05:51 AM #73
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Default Re: what do YOU MEN say?

I believe attraction, and the things we like, are not choices. Attractions and tastes can change, and are influenced by society and many other things.

I find, quite often, I'm not physically attracted to a person, only to find myself grow physically attracted when I develop attraction to their personality.
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Old 04-07-2007, 03:29 PM #74
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Default Re: what do YOU MEN say?


I'm a guy. I don't think any rules really apply. Since you know something about evolution you may know about all the cultural differences as well. What may be considered indecent in one place may be normal somewhere else. I read about one society where it was perfectly fine for women to go sleep with other guys when her husband was off on a hunting trip, then when he returned she did also, and there was no problem at all.
I know a woman who had sex with her husband on the first date, and they are still together after twenty years, so I guess he didn't respect her less. For me personally I would prefer to get to know someone before we have sex, because I am sensitive and to me sex does change things in the interaction. If the sex is good or she has a nice body it could blind me for a time to some qualities that don't work for me. Conversely if the sex does not seem good it may make me less inclined to notice some great qualities she may have. Also I have the notion that I want the sex to be special when we do have it, so I would rather see it as part of the experience of getting serious rather than treating it as a casual thing.
Having said all that, I'm a single guy and I do find it extremely hard to live without any sex. Masturbation is not enough. So while I would like someone special in my life I don't know how to satisfy that need in the meantime. I wish I could find women to have sex with until I get truly attached.
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Old 04-09-2007, 12:29 PM #75
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Default Re: what do YOU MEN say?

I just started dating a man and I told him that my personal rule for myself is that sex has to wait. I used it as a weapon in the past, thinking that sex was the only way a guy would like me. So for me, I need to begin the relationship not based on sex. He is in agreement, so we're waiting, but MAN is it hard....I just started dating him and already I want to rip his clothes off, but I'm not. what do YOU MEN say?

I never needed sex so bad that it drove me nuts...I do fine on my own when I'm not with someone. I have had "friends with benefits" though. Well just one. We've been good friends for years and like each other physically. But it only happened once in the past year. I think for some people, the friends with benefits thing works if there's absolutely no emotional attachment for both people, but I think thats rare to find.
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