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Old 02-24-2007, 05:28 AM #21
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Default Re: Childhood spanking and sexual development

Maven,

Here's an intersting site: http://rosemond.com/index.php.
I don't know if you are familiar with John Rosemond. He is a family psychologist who has great ideas about disciplining children that are about effectiveness, age-appropriateness, and that encourage the true meaning of 'discipline' (to make a disciple of.. to lead toward).

Anyway, I have always admired him and his suggested methods (except one I strongly disagreed with). He has an article on this site about his views on spanking and it mentions appropriate ages and effectiveness.

He used to write a twice-weekly column for the newspaper in the town I came from. I enjoyed reading his column that detailed a particulary problem and offered a solution, using affirmative dicipline, done with matter-of-fact firmness and calmness to show that there are consequences for one's actions. He talks about how to set appropriate consequences and what to do when that consequence doesn't work. He has a lot of good ideas.

I hope this is useful to you as you explore the idea of disciplining.

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Old 02-24-2007, 06:11 AM #22
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Default Re: Childhood spanking and sexual development

Thanks ECHOES. I don't have children, I should have mentioned, but I still have an interest in this topic, especially if there is a connection to sexuality. In other words, I'm interested in sexual issues, and wonder from where some of them come from, which means childhood has to be explored sometimes. Childhood spanking and sexual development

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Old 02-24-2007, 09:04 AM #23
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Default Re: Childhood spanking and sexual development

I don't have children either, but the topic interests me too because of my past!

I've been thinking about the idea that spanking is considered sexual in some situations but not in others. Like we said earlier in this post, everyone knows you can buy paddles and other spanking implements in a sex shop. No one's questioning that they're sexual in that scenario. Also, if an adult spanks another adult without consent (like in a case of office sexual harassment) -- in addition to assault, it's likely to also be considered sexual misconduct. And no one thinks twice about that. People widely view spanking as a sexual act between adults. It's only when you have an adult and a child (and an intent to discipline rather than a sexual intent) that it's considered non-sexual. And I guess I'm concerned by the idea that something can be circumstantially sexual. I think a person's own sexuality is independent of anyone else's intent (i.e. no one intended corporal punishment as a sexual practice when I was in school; yet I did end up connecting it with sexuality because of my age and development, etc.). Offhand, spanking is the only thing I can think of that's considered sexual between adults but not between an adult and a child (though I'll give it some more thought and see if I can think of something else). That's kind of confusing in my opinion.

Okay I hope this post isn't too triggering. I really appreciate that we've been able to discuss this the way that we have, and I'm not suggesting I have any answers on parenting. I'm mostly interested in this subject because of how it affected me, and I want people to know that such possible negative effects are worth taking into consideration.

Sidony

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Old 02-24-2007, 10:12 AM #24
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Default Re: Childhood spanking and sexual development

Sidony,

You bring up a really interesting topic here....I never thought about the connection between spanking children and spanking in adult life. Ya know, I've never been "in" to spanking as an adult. Its just never been my thing. I was spanked as a child, but only a few times and very lightly, so I don't consider it to have been a bad thing for me as a child. But I don't really like it as an adult. I'm not very "wild" I guess you could say. This is interesting though. You're absolutely right, as adults it is somewhat "popular" sexually. Haha. But I think you've opened up a boundry that I'm going to set for myself, because I've never really cared for it when a guy swats me on the bottom. Hmm.....thank you!

As far as your concern for your posts being triggery, I really appreciate you thinking about it. This thread is going very nicely though. Yes, I'm sure its triggering for some, but you've used the trigger icon, so hopefully sensitive eyes won't read. Maybe we should just continue to use that icon in all our replies in this thread.

Thank you for your honesty, again!!!

~Rayna
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Old 02-24-2007, 01:57 PM #25
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Default Re: Childhood spanking and sexual development

Well, I don't know what shapes a person's sexual identity. But if you add abuse of any kind to the picture, surely it is a factor but it might factor differently for different people and it could have a wide range of effects.

One more thing I want to say about spanking. If it is effective, then you of course remember not only the spanking but the reason that you were spanked....


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Old 02-24-2007, 02:20 PM #26
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Default Re: Childhood spanking and sexual development

It seems to me that it is not helpful to spank children on the bare bottom at all. I totally think that is very humiliating to the child. I've read before where children have been given enemas and that just seems appauling. I can't imagine why an adult would do that ?? The spanking .. it seems adults resort to that out of desperation to gain control of the child .. but enemas ??

I have spanked my children when they were toddlers as instructed by my parents and grandparents - but I felt terrible each time. My husband and I decided that there were better ways of controlling a toddler besides hitting them and we stopped. The grandparents were sure that our children were going to grow up as ruined kids without spanking .. but I can say that they are fine youngsters. It took more effort on our part to teach without hitting - but it was certainly the right path for us.

My cousin takes pride in the fact that all he has to do is take off his belt and his kids run and set the table and then report to the kitchen to help ... I certainly am not impressed. In fact, I feel somewhat sick to my stomach. And I can guarentee you that my children are NEVER under the care of my cousin because I don't want my boys treated like that. I don't care if I have to miss an important event because of no baby sitters .. they aren't going over there.

I was spanked when I was a kid and while I remember some of the instances where I was spanked ... I cannot tell you what it was that I did to get the spanking. All I remember was that I was spanked.

I just think there are better methods than hitting.

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Old 02-24-2007, 02:57 PM #27
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Default Re: Childhood spanking and sexual development

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Peanuts said:
It seems to me that it is not helpful to spank children on the bare bottom at all. I totally think that is very humiliating to the child. I've read before where children have been given enemas and that just seems appauling. I can't imagine why an adult would do that ?? The spanking .. it seems adults resort to that out of desperation to gain control of the child .. but enemas ??

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Yeah that's horrid. I have heard of that sort of thing (enemas) as being part of sexual humiliation practices. I think any type of intentional sexual humiliation practice should be strictly between consenting adults; otherwise it is sexual abuse in my opinion. Spanking is much less black &amp; white because the intent is not to cause sexual humiliation, but when someone pulls a child's pants off prior to spanking them that's getting awfully close to sexual humiliation in my opinion. Fortunately I've never known anyone to undress a child before spanking them. Hopefully that's much less common now!

Good for you, Peanuts, on finding other ways to discipline! I personally am opposed to spanking in general, but I will say that I'm not arguing whether it's effective or not. I actually don't know. But I'm opposed to it even if it is effective -- even it's the most effective deterrent available (which I seriously doubt) -- because of its sexual connotations.

I was spanked as a child -- mostly it was corporal punishment inside the school system I mentioned. My parents didn't really do that. I know that my mother spanked me, but I can't actually remember it (I can only remember knowing that she had, so I must have been really little). I will say that for me spanking would never have had the intended effect (would not have worked as a deterrent on me) as it only resulted in a confused obsession with power/dominance/humiliation/pain that morphed into sexual identity issues.

Sidony

P.S. Just to be 100% clear, we are not referring to medically necessary enemas that an adult might help a child administer. This is strictly referencing the mention of enemas etc. as punishment.
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Old 02-24-2007, 03:28 PM #28
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Default Re: Childhood spanking and sexual development

Thank you for continuing to use the Trigger Icon. When replying in this thread, lets all reply to poster so that we can put the trigger icon on each reply. Thanks!
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Old 02-24-2007, 09:29 PM #29
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Default Re: Childhood spanking and sexual development

Sorry I didn't realize the icon wouldn't apply to the whole thread. I tried to go back and edit mine so that they'd all have the trigger icon, but the editing time expired.

But hopefully anyone who'd be sensitive to this issue will notice the overall thread designation.

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Old 02-25-2007, 04:18 AM #30
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Default Re: Childhood spanking and sexual development

I used to see a lot of movies and such that implied being spanked as a child could lead one into enjoying it sexually as an adult. Now, this isn't true of all people who are spanked, but it could be that way for some people.

This is only a theory, but I think, if it becomes sexual for an adult, perhaps the spankings were done, as some of you have said, to embarrass and humiliate the child. There are many fetishes that involve being humiliated and exposed, and perhaps, in some cases, it comes from these experiences as a child. Some people, for some reason, turn towards a bad experience and it somehow becomes pleasurable, at least in certain circumstances, while others move to the opposite, even to the extreme, to avoid such things. For those who become turned on by being humiliated, perhaps it's because they feel they deserve it. As we know, many times, when children are abused, they go through life abusing themselves and/or putting themselves in situations where they are hurt emotionally and/or physically, because they think they deserve it.

To put it mildly, I think human sexuality is very complicated, and what affects one person one way affects another completely different.

But on spanking, I used to be of the mind, when you see "out of control" kids whose parents didn't spank them, those kids needed a spanking. But I think there are techniques that don't involve hitting or pain in any way that can be better. I think many adults have been scarred by spanking and other painful methods of punishment. Some may not realize it. And I think some kids handle it well, while others may be shy or have low self-esteem, in part because they were spanked. I'm just saying, I'm open to alternatives.

That said, when a kid is being a brat around me, sometimes I want to smack them. But hey, I was spanked, so maybe that's why I have such a violent thought. Childhood spanking and sexual development

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