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Junior Member
Member Since Aug 2014
Location: Orlando, Florida
Posts: 14
9 6 hugs
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Sep 24, 2014 at 08:12 PM
#1
I don't really know why this is such a challenge. Most of my friends are female, but there's one in particular I hang out with most often. But sometimes when I'm around her, it's like... I can't control myself very well. I find my hands slipping and I find myself touching her a lot. We've had clear and frank discussion that nothing sexual would happen between us, and when I think about it alone it seems so easy and a given that I wouldn't give unwanted sexual advances on my best friend, but when I'm around her... I just can't stop myself sometimes. Do any of you resound with this and/or have advice?
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Member
Member Since Sep 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 94
9 27 hugs
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Sep 24, 2014 at 09:45 PM
#2
Yes, you can stop yourself. I think the problem is you don't want to. Your hands don't move on their own; you keep choosing to touch her. You need to accept that doing so is not ok, choose to stop, and then stop. Telling yourself that you can't is only perpetuating the problem.
People don't say "oh, I agreed that I wouldn't murder a friend, but I just can't stop myself from stabbing her." How is this situation any different, at all. |
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Junior Member
Member Since Sep 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 13
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Sep 24, 2014 at 10:29 PM
#3
Hey sweetie I totally understand I had the exact same situation happen it will put quite alot of stress on you ! Well I do know it does take some concentration to not touch but what you need to do is be very natural don't pull away from her if you do you will hurt your friend ship but every day from now one concentrate not to touch her when normally you would do it a little more every day until you are down to only very normal meaningless touch's that won't be perceived an any thing but meaningless touches ! Trust me it's very hard but it's well worth it!!
__________________  hello I'm new!! Friend me I will enjoy talking with you !!  
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 SoulUnderGuillotine
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SoulUnderGuillotine
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Junior Member
Member Since Aug 2014
Location: Orlando, Florida
Posts: 14
9 6 hugs
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Sep 24, 2014 at 10:53 PM
#4
Quote:
I don't want to want it. But most people can want that but control themselves. I've been trying to control myself for months and I'm afraid of where it will lead. Of course I want it, but this sort of desire isn't normal. |
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Account Suspended
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: Northern California
Posts: 14,805
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Sep 25, 2014 at 02:01 AM
#5
If you do not touch her - say, by always holding your hands together behind your back, as one guy did in my presence for wholly different reasons - it would be equally apparent that you want to touch her. You will not be touching her, but your desire to touch her will be no less if not more apparent than it is now.
Can you not hang out with her but resort to writing (texts, emails, social network posts, etc.)? Then you will be out of trouble for sure. Phone calls, too, cannot involve touching. Skype. Google chat. Old-fashioned snail mail. Lots of options. |
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| Bewilderbeest
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Oct 10, 2014 at 04:05 PM
#6
If she made it clear to you then you need to respect her feeling , or your going to lose her as a friend .
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Junior Member
Member Since Oct 2014
Location: California
Posts: 13
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Oct 16, 2014 at 01:10 AM
#7
Agree with the above comments
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2010
Posts: 1,018
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Oct 16, 2014 at 08:10 AM
#8
Is she insensate? Does she not realize that you touching her a lot suggests more than just friendly intentions? She has to take responsibility here as well - if she doesn't want you to touch her much in any context then why hasn't she said anything since?
That being said, you're not given free reign to continue with what you're doing. You need to either explain that your feelings have grown into something more or back off completely. To carry on as you are now is simply to take advantage so take responsibility and decide to do something about it. |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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