bisexual! serious question!!

lilith delilah · Sep 24, 2014 at 10:02 PM

Hello lovelies! Well I'm 17 and recently ive been trying to find a way to tell my mother I'm bi. I'm completely bi I have zero preference concerning gender an ive known for quite a long time I'm positive I'm not in a phase or anything an I just got my first job an well I have the cutest lesbian manger!! She totally digs me when I flirt with her she eats it up! An well it bothers me than my mom doesn't know me ! >\\< I'm super close with my mom were best friend s an it feels terrible that she doesn't know but I can't tell her she is over well... "traditional,conservative" to say the least an even dislikes the mere thought that there are l gays out there an even worst she thinks bisexual is worst!!-

I don't know how long I can keep it to myself should I just wait till I move out?? Please help!! I'm super confident in my sexuality an self but should I even tell her?? Can we pm??

Bewilderbeest · Sep 25, 2014 at 01:27 AM

As a Dad I'm not one to suggest you keep anything from your parents, but if she's really been that openly disapproving ... especially if you're moving out sometime soon maybe waiting would be best.

lilith delilah · Sep 25, 2014 at 09:42 AM

Yea that's what I've been thinking I really don't like hiding it from her but she is openly disapproving ... thank you for answering I will hold out to tell her.

bixkf · Sep 25, 2014 at 10:07 AM

I've been of the opinion that you should only tell someone of your sexuality if that sexuality directly affects that person. If you are going to be still living in your parents' home and bringing home lesbian/bi partners into their home, then you should tell them. However, if you are bisexual and not acting that way at all at home, and keeping your relations external to the home, then you should keep it to yourself.
In my case, I'm 40+, married for almost 20 years with two kids. I have known I was bisexual since I was 15. The only people I've told about my sexuality is my wife and a few select medical professionals. I never told my parents or my kids since I've never done anything homosexual around them. It's never affected my relationship with them and there would be limited benefit to anyone by telling them. However, if I were to split from my wife (divorce or death) I would likely explore my homosexual side more publicly, and in that case I would tell my kids and/or parents.

lilith delilah · Sep 25, 2014 at 09:26 PM

Thank you so much

reading your answer really helped alot just knowing that you also are bi an probably had a similar dilemma helps reassure me . I only once had a girlfriend come over an THAT was an accident that we didn't stay in (friend mode) but otherwise never so I will definitely keep it to myself!

hamster-bamster · Sep 25, 2014 at 10:14 PM

Disclosures of personal information should have a rational purpose. Say, if you were to move in with a woman, you would face the choice of presenting that woman to your mom as a roommate or as a lover. At that point it makes sense to weigh the pros and cons of being truthful, and, perhaps, lean in favor of presenting the woman as a lover to avoid possible awkwardness. Right now you are flirting with a manager at work; there is no rational purpose in disclosing random flirtations to your mom - you seem confident and you call yourself confident, so it is not as if you needed her approval or support. Then why disclose? What would be your purpose of and reason for disclosing?

I am asking these general questions because if you think along those lines, you'd be able to set internal policies and procedures that would guide you in your life as it unfolds, so that you can proceed consistently and systematically, which is better than dealing with each situation as if it had appeared out of the blue and you do not know what to do about it.

lilith delilah · Sep 26, 2014 at 11:55 AM

Well the reason is because all of my girlfriends get really upset when I introduce them as friends an if me an my manger ever try to I know once again it will be a problem an I definitely don't want to skrew it up with her. But I totally see how you think of this an I really like you all's answers it's been super helpful

an well im defiantly confident an I don't need her approval but at the same time me an her a really close so I would really love to have it I don't want to hide it for years.

Oct 10, 2014 at 03:57 PM

Parents are pretty smart they pretty much know but live in denial in hope that they are wrong .
Do you give out hints to your mom and see how she reacts ?
You said your close to your mom so maybe if you told her she might learn to keep an open mind and not be so quick to judge others if she knows your bi .
I know for me I hate secrets it's a toxic mix of pain .

lilith delilah · Oct 11, 2014 at 10:10 PM

You know I really do put out alot of hints such as checking girls an guys out in front of her I compliment girls alot in front of her call them beautiful and smile alot an have convos in front of her but she doesn't seem to get it .... I've asked her how would she feel if I were an she said she wouldn't be happy or anything that it's weird. She said she would just assume I'm confused because I'm not open and antisocial so I just don't see a difference in my likes..... so I think she may know an just thinks that. But when im not around her I am not quite I'm VERY open about myself. An I feel like lieing is toxic in any type of relationships.

hamster-bamster · Oct 11, 2014 at 11:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilith delilah

You know I really do put out alot of hints such as checking girls an guys out in front of her I compliment girls alot in front of her call them beautiful and smile alot an have convos in front of her but she doesn't seem to get it .... I've asked her how would she feel if I were an she said she wouldn't be happy or anything that it's weird. She said she would just assume I'm confused because I'm not open and antisocial so I just don't see a difference in my likes..... so I think she may know an just thinks that. But when im not around her I am not quite I'm VERY open about myself. An I feel like lieing is toxic in any type of relationships.

Antisocial people are charming and outgoing manipulators. Your mom probably means "asocial" - it is a common point of confusion. Still, antisocial and asocial have nothing to do with seeing a difference in your likes. So she seems to be confused, and you seem to be quite clear and OK.

Oct 12, 2014 at 08:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilith delilah

You know I really do put out alot of hints such as checking girls an guys out in front of her I compliment girls alot in front of her call them beautiful and smile alot an have convos in front of her but she doesn't seem to get it .... I've asked her how would she feel if I were an she said she wouldn't be happy or anything that it's weird. She said she would just assume I'm confused because I'm not open and antisocial so I just don't see a difference in my likes..... so I think she may know an just thinks that. But when im not around her I am not quite I'm VERY open about myself. An I feel like lieing is toxic in any type of relationships.

I would sit down and just tell your mom , I'm sure this is eating you up inside . I think she would be more hurt that you didn't feel you could tell her .

As a parent we want our kids to come to us and not fear of rejection . Your mom loves you give her a chance and trust that she will be grateful that you told her and it just might bring you both closer to each other .

What ever you do please let us know updates on what you decided

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Bewilderbeest Member Member Since Sep 2014 Location: MidAmerica Posts: 96 9 70 hugs given	Sep 25, 2014 at 01:27 AM #2 As a Dad I'm not one to suggest you keep anything from your parents, but if she's really been that openly disapproving ... especially if you're moving out sometime soon maybe waiting would be best.
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lilith delilah Junior Member Member Since Sep 2014 Location: Texas Posts: 13 9 10 hugs given	Sep 25, 2014 at 09:42 AM #3 Yea that's what I've been thinking I really don't like hiding it from her but she is openly disapproving ... thank you for answering I will hold out to tell her. __________________ hello I'm new!! Friend me I will enjoy talking with you !!
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Anonymous100168 Guest Posts: n/a	Oct 10, 2014 at 03:57 PM #8 Parents are pretty smart they pretty much know but live in denial in hope that they are wrong . Do you give out hints to your mom and see how she reacts ? You said your close to your mom so maybe if you told her she might learn to keep an open mind and not be so quick to judge others if she knows your bi . I know for me I hate secrets it's a toxic mix of pain .
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