Can't enjoy sex

lunatic soul · Sep 28, 2014 at 03:00 PM

I wasn't true virgin because I had horrible sex for one time before three years but I called myself virgin because it wasn't normal sex.
So at least I slept with my boyfriend.
We did it for four times.
When I as sober;
When I was drunk
When I was on mdma+alcohol+benzos but still almost sober because I have high tolerance to that stuff.

I never enjoyed it. When I was sober it was painful thought I did it before. I didn't enjoy oral sex too. Sex is okay only when I do it by myself.
So I can't understand- will I never like sex? Why I don't like it? Maybe he isn't right guy for me? Nothing turns me on with him.
And I love another man who I can;t have. My boyfriend is not him and I can't imagine that he is because sex is too horrible to think.

kaliope · Sep 28, 2014 at 04:55 PM

so it could be because he isn't the guy you want to be with. having an attraction to someone releases chemicals for sexual pleasure. makes you want it. if you aren't attracted to yur boyfriend, your brain isn't sending these pleasure chemicals for you to enjoy it. it could be different with someone you really want.

~Christina · Sep 28, 2014 at 05:57 PM

As per your other posts..... you only want to have sex with a former T. Until you process the fact that you could never be with him, Your never going to find anyone you will enjoy having sex with.

Find a Female Therapist to help you move on with life, without him in it.

lunatic soul · Sep 28, 2014 at 07:25 PM

I just cant understand-how many times I should have sex to not feel it as a pain?
My boyfriend is attractive but Im not in love with him but I need someone beside me who loves me and he loves me. I see men as brothers except one person and yes he is my T and he touched me, it was better than all drugs I ever taken.
At this moment I think I will go to group therapy, they are making new groups now and I have been in group therapy before but Im going there to be helped with other issues not sexual.

SnakeCharmer · Sep 28, 2014 at 08:00 PM

Lunatic Soul, I'm sorry that you've had unpleasant sexual encounters. It doesn't mean you'll never be able to enjoy sex, it just means that right now you're not ready because of your wild infatuation with your former T.

I agree with Christina.

It's time to get a female therapist to process your impossible love for your former T and to talk about how to go about having a healthy sex life. You'll be much better off discussing that with a woman.

I wish you the best and I'm sorry you're having such a hard time letting go of your former T.

hamster-bamster · Sep 28, 2014 at 10:33 PM

I know people differ widely in their reactions to substances, so for you it might be safe, but in general combining benzos with alcohol - in general, with exceptions - is unsafe. Since it did not even help, maybe you can stop ingesting that combo?

lunatic soul · Sep 29, 2014 at 06:50 AM

Maybe someone can tell me her experience? You can pm me.
I just wantto know how many time I need to start enjoy sex, am I the only one who thinks its horrible?

ChipperMonkey · Oct 06, 2014 at 12:01 AM

You could have sex a thousand times and not enjoy it if its always with the wrong person. Some of us don't enjoy sex unless we have a deep emotional connection with someone. Its not simply a matter of breaking yourself in and by the time you've had sex 100 times, then bam, you love it.

Sex can sometimes be a bit awkward the first few times you are with someone, and in that sense, it can get better over time as you learn what your partner likes and vice versa.

I'd quit having sex under the influence. I take benzos to help control my anxiety, and I can't orgasm to save my life if I've had one in the past 24 hours. Sober sex is better all around.

lunatic soul · Oct 06, 2014 at 05:50 AM

Maybe my body isnt used to have sex thats why its so painful? If I were really turned on maybe I would like sex?
Thats so unfair if I cant be with someone I lovr and cant even have sex with anyone else because I think about sex all the time. If Im honest drugs make me think less about sex and I dont mean medication but abusing drugs.

hamster-bamster · Oct 12, 2014 at 11:29 AM

Just wait - maybe the emotional intensity of your feelings for the man you cannot be with would eventually subside, leaving you space to develop a desire for another man.

What you are currently doing is clearly not helping and your body is sending you a message about it - the pain you experience is a message from your body (and mind, and heart, etc.) and eventually you need to listen to that message.

ifst5 · Oct 12, 2014 at 02:05 PM

Maybe the way you define sex needs readjusting. Not everyone enjoys sex in the same sort of ways...perhaps you just need a bit more experience in finding what you can connect too. Of course it's no sin to hate sex...a lot of people do. But as long as you're aware that sex doesn't have to be defined solely by some man penetrating you, you'll be free to decide how to proceed.

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~Christina Legendary Wise Elder Community Liaison Member Since Jul 2011 Location: Tennessee Posts: 22,450 (SuperPoster!) 12 12.7k hugs given	Sep 28, 2014 at 05:57 PM #3 As per your other posts..... you only want to have sex with a former T. Until you process the fact that you could never be with him, Your never going to find anyone you will enjoy having sex with. Find a Female Therapist to help you move on with life, without him in it. __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~
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hamster-bamster Account Suspended Member Since Sep 2011 Location: Northern California Posts: 14,805 (SuperPoster!) 12 3,729 hugs given	Sep 28, 2014 at 10:33 PM #6 I know people differ widely in their reactions to substances, so for you it might be safe, but in general combining benzos with alcohol - in general, with exceptions - is unsafe. Since it did not even help, maybe you can stop ingesting that combo?
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lunatic soul Grand Member Member Since Aug 2014 Location: somewhere Posts: 906 9 55 hugs given	Sep 29, 2014 at 06:50 AM #7 Maybe someone can tell me her experience? You can pm me. I just wantto know how many time I need to start enjoy sex, am I the only one who thinks its horrible?
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lunatic soul Grand Member Member Since Aug 2014 Location: somewhere Posts: 906 9 55 hugs given	Oct 06, 2014 at 05:50 AM #9 Maybe my body isnt used to have sex thats why its so painful? If I were really turned on maybe I would like sex? Thats so unfair if I cant be with someone I lovr and cant even have sex with anyone else because I think about sex all the time. If Im honest drugs make me think less about sex and I dont mean medication but abusing drugs.
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