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BubonicPlague
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Default Oct 04, 2014 at 01:39 PM
  #1
I've been wanting to know what it would be like to have a girlfriend.

I've had an experience involving lesbian-like tendencies.

I had a friend in the past who has hit on me when I was at the age of 15. However, she was a bit young to be doing that, she was 13. She pinned me down and started licking my neck, also nibbling my ear. I didn't know what to do, I was laughing and I couldn't break away from her. I sort of laid there as she had me in her grasp, and then I had the warm sensation over my body and I felt tingling down below.

My friends were the ones that introduced me to world of sex. We were all into anime as our main interests and it what brought us together. There is this thing called yaoi, where two male anime characters are paired together (with female characters it's called yuri.). However, they did this all to make it as their fantasy, and yaoi is all but a fantasy. Both of my two friends aged 11 and 13 became a "couple" and then I found out later that they broke up and one of them decided to get a boyfriend instead. The friend that talked to said she was really hurt and had a lot of resentment towards her.

They were just too young to understand. Another girl who was 14 wanted to sleep right next to me at a sleep over. She mentioned at the sleepover how her and (one of the friends I mentioned above) did more than kissing, as part of their yaoi fandom fantasy. She was playful wanting me to be right by her, we were lying down next to each other on a couch. I was 16 at the time. And I regret ever doing this, but I tried to hit on her by removing an article of my clothing (it wasn't anything down below though; it was just my pajama top). I said that my shirt was off. I can't remember what she said, but she seemed uncomfortable. Then I felt guilty and moved away from her to go sleep somewhere else. I apologized to her immediately the next morning and she said it was "fine". I still don't know how she felt after what had happened.

Now I've been wondering what it would be like with the opposite gender. I grew up in a family who was understanding of the world around them, and I grew up to learn and except the differences surrounding our people of religion (although I may have a few grudges against some, and may disagree with some teachings.), sexuality (I have no judge of them. even my cousin is bisexual), race (grew up partially in the Louisiana and experienced culture shock for the first time at the age of 5.), cultures (which why I wish to travel the world some day), and disabilities (my brother has autism).

Getting to the point, I could find a girl to be attractive, but I'm not sure. I'm not really sexually attracted to girls as of now, but I could be. I can kind of see myself being with one. I'm more attracted towards guys though. I feel as though that maybe getting a girl would be a better option for me than a guy since I'm unsuccessful at the moment, but I know that's not right.

Also, it's a really hard thing to do in Utah (well I don't know, it's easy for my cousin find other guys). Utah is very religious, mind you over and over again that 60% of the population here is Mormon, and 40% is gay (not going to get into the religion thing but, THAT'S HOW IT IS HERE FOLKS.)

I could love her if she loved me. I would. I would comfort her, share things with her, take care of her, just like I would with him. At least that's what I imagine doing. I just don't know yet though, I'm kind of curious.
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Default Oct 04, 2014 at 03:58 PM
  #2
I just felt really bad for the other girl at the sleepover. It was wrong for me to do that. I felt like I was going to get in big trouble for what I did. I kind of wonder if this effected her in any way.
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Default Oct 04, 2014 at 04:02 PM
  #3
I don't think sexuality is set in stone. In junior high, we had a very good social sciences teacher, who made us the discuss the notions of gender and sexuality as a SPECTRUM, not as sets of absolutes. I do believe he was right, it is like that: We can all be placed somewhere on the spectrum, and most of us might lean one way or the other, but there are very few absolutes and extremes. Within the female sex, for instance, there are more variations of personality and interests than between the stereotypical male and the stereotypical female. These things are not opposites and absolutes.

This far, I have been heterosexual. But there is no guarantee that it will be like this all my life. I believe sexuality is fluent, it can change throughout your life, with new experiences, depending in the people you meet, and so forth. I might meet a woman who knocks me off my feet, even if I haven't yet.

I find women very sexy, or appealing. I think women's bodies are aesthetically more pleasing that men's bodies. I've asked other female friends about this and most of them seem to think the same. There are certain qualities I find attractive in women that I dislike in men, which I realize is a bit sexist. I blame this on society's suppression of women throughout the ages, though: It is still refreshing to see a woman with no modesty who speaks her mind, even though a man who did the same might be seen as arrogant or disrespectful. Enough about that, don't want to start a flame war here. The point is that there are many women I find attractive, maybe not sexually but at least visually and in terms of personality. I often meet women I find much more interesting than men in all these aspects, but there isn't a sexual or love attraction there.

I have thought of trying, just once, to be with a girl, to see if that changes anything. I mean, after all, why close the door on half the population if it might just be that you are inhibited, by mental constrains or socialized constrains, and that when you try it things will change, and new doors with open? I never really dare to. Especially because my self-esteem would lie in ruins if I tried seeking out lesbians and it turned out women were as romantically disinterested in me as men seem to be. Sometimes things are better left a fantasy or a thought. The opposite would also be bad: If I hooked up with a woman just to try it, and she suddenly wants more, while I don't want to be with her because I am not attracted to her that way. So many potential disasterous scenarios, might be best to just leave it be.
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Default Oct 05, 2014 at 01:11 PM
  #4
I wouldn't give a thought to the girl you took your pajama top off with. I doubt it affected her at all. I have apologized to people for things that happened in the past and they had no idea of what I was talking about.

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Default Oct 05, 2014 at 10:28 PM
  #5
Utah isn't 40% gay....
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Default Oct 06, 2014 at 07:45 PM
  #6
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Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey View Post
Utah isn't 40% gay....
I have had three family members tell me this so far.
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Default Oct 07, 2014 at 12:40 AM
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Does this have anything to do with your disappointment in your earlier thread that you were not able to accomodate a large sex toy into your vagina?
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Default Oct 07, 2014 at 04:18 PM
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Originally Posted by BubonicPlague View Post
I have had three family members tell me this so far.
Don't believe everything you're told? No state is 40% gay...
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Default Oct 07, 2014 at 08:43 PM
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Does this have anything to do with your disappointment in your earlier thread that you were not able to accomodate a large sex toy into your vagina?
No, not really.

It's the frustration of finding a guy to date. I'm actually scared to really talk to even talk to anyone out in the open. No one (just my opinion) is really attractive in my age, and no one at my school seems to have the same interests as I do. I'm really wanting to find someone older than me. I might have to go on a dating website since options are limited as of now.

Then again, I have not had the easiest time socializing with guys. I have been bullied constantly by boys in grade school all the way through sophomore year of high school. It's easier for me to socialize and associate more with other girls than guys. In a way I'm about fed up with how I've been treated. I can't stop holding grudges against those kids from my past years (I just wish they could be punished for what they've done to me. I want them to be bitten back in their asses.).
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Default Oct 09, 2014 at 03:04 PM
  #10
You're allowed to experiment...there's no law that says you can't. But i wouldn't look at girls as a more 'viable' option. They have standards too and can be just as hard as men to date. If you feel you're not really attracted to them then there's no need to push for something you don't actually want. Most people meet others they like through their favourite interests. It's probably the best way to meet like minded people. I'd be wary though, desperation can be smelt a mile off so it's best to just be casual and not set your expectations too high.

Why is this such an urgent concern for you? I think sometimes the idea of sex and relationships can overtake any real desire for either. Please don't feel pressured. As someone who's had their fair share of both relationships and sexual experiences - is it all it's cracked up to be? I would say most of the time, no it isn't.
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Default Oct 09, 2014 at 08:47 PM
  #11
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I just felt really bad for the other girl at the sleepover. It was wrong for me to do that. I felt like I was going to get in big trouble for what I did. I kind of wonder if this effected her in any way.
No, I don't think you were wrong. You meant no harm and you didn't repeat it. Someone has to make the first move or there would be no sex at all!

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Default Oct 11, 2014 at 08:19 PM
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Originally Posted by ifst5 View Post
You're allowed to experiment...there's no law that says you can't. But i wouldn't look at girls as a more 'viable' option. They have standards too and can be just as hard as men to date. If you feel you're not really attracted to them then there's no need to push for something you don't actually want. Most people meet others they like through their favourite interests. It's probably the best way to meet like minded people.
Well, liking girls are just thoughts. I'm not really sure if they are someone I would want to put up with in a relationship (women are just really hard for me to deal with in general aside from men.).

My main problem in finding someone is through interests. There aren't any kids at my school who are into science and history as much as I am. The thing is, I like to learn about it (I just wish I could recite and remember passages from articles and books that I read). No one else is into that though. They're all into spreading gossip and talking about American pop-culture, two things I really talk about that much.
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Default Oct 12, 2014 at 05:10 AM
  #13
There a lot of online groups for this sort of thing - i think America also has much more of a meetup culture where people can gather based on their interests. Science and History are very popular subjects so im sure that with enough effort you can find something out there that's suitable for you to attend - are there no such groups at your school?
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Default Oct 16, 2014 at 01:08 AM
  #14
This is literally me haha
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