Sexual fantasies about my brother

I am 53 years old & was sexually molested by one of my brothers. I am also gay (it has nothing to do with that). I have a lot of sexual fantasies about that particular brother raping me & it turns me on ALOT! I often fantasize about setting up a date with him & acting out the rape. Sometimes I feel like I could actually go through with it. Most of the time I can't orgasm (with a partner or while masturbating) without thinking of him raping me...is this normal? I have never told anyone this in my life! When I hear stories of incest, I get very turned on. I am so afraid this isn't normal that I won't tell anyone.

It is quite a lot to handle on your own. I would find a therapist and be upfront and specific about what you are requesting. Thinking in terms of normal or abnormal is useless, because it does not define your goals and even less so a path towards achieving them. Do you want to be able to have orgasms without thinking of the brother raping you? then that would be your goal. How about an incremental approach - say, if you move away from thinking only about him raping you but think of those stories of incest that, as you wrote, turn you on? That would be a moderate amount of success, I would venture, because you "repertoire" would be expanded. From there, perhaps, you can move completely away from incest, or perhaps not due to deep imprinting, but it is worth exploring.

Sexual molestation by older siblings is common; the therapists whom you would interview will undoubtedly have heard many stories of incest, both in the course of their studies and in the course of practicing psychotherapy. There is nothing shameful about what you are describing and not telling anyone is for sure (!!!) counterproductive. If you tell, you might be surprised to have the problem go away by itself, simply because you finally talked about it.

Rape is not a scheduled appointment with reminders . Are you perhaps fantasizing about simply having sex with him, without the factor of being forced?

At any rate, since I cannot comprehend rape fantasies, I probably should not be asking. But seriously, maybe you are fantasizing about consensual incest, Ancient Egypt-style? I think it is worth thinking along those lines, because if you now feel that the fantasy is abnormal due to two factors - rape and incest - and you move towards a consensual incest fantasy, one of the factors that make it abnormal for you would go away, and that would be an incremental positive change.

Lots of people have rape fantasies. I have.

If it is causing you emotional distress though then that isn't good and you might like to talk to a T about that.