My first post and first time explaining my odd fetish

Hello everyone,

I have never had an account on a psych forum but I have read a few posts on here. I guess I'm just looking for support and what to do in regards to my sexual fetish. It is too embarrassing for me to ever tell anyone that actually knows me. I feel so lonely and different at times. My boyfriend of three years has no idea that I'm not thinking of him during sex/climaxing but rather my fetish. I am a 20 year old, active, physically attractive, 5'7' woman with C-cup breast implants and long black hair(not saying this to be cocky I have very low self esteem, but to show that you never know who people really are)and people do not think I have any problems. This is a secret I will probably never tell anyone in person. I cannot describe how nice it feels to write about it because up until now all of these thoughts have been in my head. My sexual fetish is tight white underwear humiliation. When my boyfriend goes down on me I picture a woman or man being somewhere in public in tight white underwear. I can remember from a very early age that this was what turned me on. Kissing, touching, and sex barley does anything for me unless I incorporate the underwear humiliation into my thoughts. The idea of being seen in tight white underwear in public gets me so excited. I have masturbated to and enjoy pantsings, public urination in underwear, the thought of a man forcefully taking off my pants to expose my white virgin undies, underwear sex, ect. Bottom line is I feel so wrong after I orgasm to these thoughts but I cannot help it. It has always been a part of me. I know the whole white underwear thing is common for gay men but I am interested in men.Any thoughts?

i think its not uncommon for people to have fantasys when in that moment. i think its more uncommon that people dont.

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As long as you keep it in your imagination and don't actually try to humiliate anyone against their will, there's really nothing at all wrong with your fetish/fantasy.

There's been research done on the fantasies people have during sex and many many people fantasize things they would be totally embarrassed to talk about. In fact, it was discovered that women who could not orgasm easily or at all were often helped in reaching climax by learning how to fantasize unusual, non-conformist sex thoughts that had nothing to do with their lover during intimate moments.

Men are sometimes taught to think about unsexy things like baseball stats or cleaning the valves on their car in order to delay ejaculation if they tend to be too quick on the draw.

Each of us has the right to keep the contents of our private thoughts during intimacy completely private. You're not harming your boyfriend by using your own mind to arouse yourself and to reach orgasm. It allows both of you to experience the closeness of intimacy.

As long as you allow your boyfriend the privacy of his own thoughts during intimacy and you're not humilating anyone against their will in real life, there's nothing wrong with your tighty whitey fantasies.

The only problem I can see is that you didn't know that sex therapists actually teach both women and men how to use their own minds to improve their sex lives. You figured that out for yourself. You're all right.

Kim,

I have never ever seen anybody put a street address as their location.

I plugged it into Google, thinking that maybe it only looks like a street address to me because of my ignorance, but in reality is a title of a TV show or something along these lines.

But no, it is not a title of a show - it is a street address, and only a few states have that address.
https://www.google.com/webhp?sourcei...alnut%20street

I do not know if that is your address or you were just trying to come up with an online identity this way.

If it is your address, then remove it because with only a few places in the US with this address, it is extremely identifying.

If it is an online persona for you, then never mind.

Kim, its hard for women to admit to anyone they have fantasies let alone fetishes. I know b/c I have one about sinking in quicksand. Its so cliche and male-dominated in the fetish arena (online sex forums etc) that I want to scream at myself. But honestly it's natural for someone to engage in fantasy especially near orgasm. It has to be as old as the homo sapiens mind.

Its easier said than done but try not to allow this to affect your self confidence.If you havent acted out in public by now you probably wont and so can trust yourself in that regard. I like to rationalize that people who are sexually active and have active fantasies are more intelligent than the general population. Kind of like the people who post on PsychCentral!

I know it's scary, but maybe you can let him in on the fetish in a gradual way. Maybe you could start by saying that you find white underwear more appealing than any other color. That doesn't seem too weird. If you can get to a point where he wants to participate in your fetish, it might lead to a healthier relationship.

Hello and welcome to PC!

I explained my turn-on to my husband. I wouldn’t really call it odd or a fetish, but it causes me to not be in reality, rather to be in my kinky fantasy in my mind during sex.

What you describe sounds like something a partner might like to do with you. IMHO, it’s not that odd and rather harmless.

Open communication about sex is so important, but hopefully your partner is capable of understanding and playing with you in the way that turns you on.

Sounds innocent, albeit non-conventional. Think about it this way - black leather is a conventional fantasy and I have even seen "leather families" on FetLife.

There is a cottage industry catering to the black leather fantasies. The whole bikers' world is adjacent to that, too.

Why not have a white underwear fantasy? There is no material difference.

I would recommend you open a FetLife account, write stories about your fantasies, and maybe fine like-minded people who would normalize your experiences for you.

By no means is this grounds for any guilty feeling, that is for sure.
And, I have no fetishes, so I am not writing this from the vantage point of a fellow fetishist, but from a completely "traditionalist" vantage point.

I'd like to understand the root of your fetish, sounds kind of interesting from a psychoanalysis.

Anyway, the fetish sounds completely innocent, I doubt anyone would begrudge you for it, even if it is somewhat unconventional. Simply put, don't worry about it and frankly speaking, if you're close to your boyfriend then maybe even talk to him about it.

The OP made this thread almost 4 years ago though, in case someone didn’t notice