Intense shame about a drunken mistake

Hello. I have terrible feelings about something I did over a year ago. I was a bit drunk, browsing an adult webcam chat-room. This is a place where it connects you to someone randomly and where most people are, well, masturbating men. Two girls came up, they looked a bit young and I asked their age. They said they were 18 and I started suggesting stuff to them. My retarded logic was that they could disconnect at any point if they didn't like it. Well it ended up to me asking whether they wanted to see uhum, my privates, to which they replied "OF COURSE". So I started stripping and then they disconnected. My self-respect was pretty down at the time due to a painful scoliosis in my back.

Immediately afterwards the shame hit me. Why the hell had I done this, what if they were younger then 18, why did I act like this? It's been almost two years since this happened (I was 22 at the time), but I think about it on a daily basis. I compare some teenagers I see on the streets to the image I have in my mind and ultimately this just makes me more anxious. I've been diagnosed with OCD and I have a hard time if this amount of shame is justified or if it's more about me being extremely anxious about it, exaggerating the thing in my mind. I mean I know I acted badly, but I don't know if the shame is proportionate to the actual thing.

To be honest, I'm terrified of how people will react to this...

Well, first off, people wouldn't react to this because simply put, it's not their business, it has nothing to do with them, and you certainly don't need to disclose this to anyone.

Look. I think of it this way. What the hell were THEY doing on this online site. They knew what the site was about. They knew what they were getting themselves in for. You didn't solicit them. They were on the site already. And they were just playing games and being quite childish by the sounds of things.

Yeah you had a bit too much to drink and lost inhibition - but - this was an online thing and one you best put in the past. It's not like you'd do this again.

I'm actually sorry that they played you for a fool. It's pretty disgraceful of them actually.

This definitely sounds like a disproportionate amount of shame. Maybe I'm just hardened from my own experiences, but people do much worse **** when they're drunk. Nothing bad happened as a result of your actions, so I agree with everything Hooligan said (including the part about them being childish and disrespectful to you). No harm done; cut yourself some slack.

1. In my opinion, you didn't do anything wrong. Seriously, there's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
2. You're clinging to the shame, not the event. Nothing has come of it, nobody was hurt and you did nothing wrong. Therefore let go of the shame.

I would call this an error of judgement and nothing more. What young man has never made a few errors of judgement? Very few I think. Learn from this and move on...

Thank you guys! I haven't told my therapist EVERYTHING, but he says that I mentally need to shield my privacy better and I guess it's the case here as well.

I have some exhibitionistic tendencies, I admit to that. I'm not a flasher however and I have no urge to show myself to people that don't want to see anything. I guess it's an (unhealthy) way of boosting my non-existant self-esteem. I never show my face however. I'm also a closet bisexual and I take some religious peoples judgements about homosexuals quite harshly.

Time and time people have told me, that I'm hurting no-one (save for myself maybe), but for some reason I have a hard time believing it. Recently I've been a bit better with my depression however.

Thanks to you and all the people who have replied. My therapist has said that I need to guard my privacy better and not constantly think "what other people would think".

I'm a bit of an exhibitionist. I want to make it clear that I don't go into some parks and flash myself to people. I've done it online with +18 people who have consented to it. I think it mostly stems from my low self-esteem and it's not a very good or effective way of boosting my ego. I've never showed my face to anyone, and I'm aware of the risks. Probably the biggest reason I want to stop doing it anyway.

People have told me time and time again, I'm hurting no-one, but it's a hard thing to believe, probably because of my severe depression.

I've made progress however and I've started AA for example. I noticed a correlation between alcohol and feeling bad about myself.

Hi Semek,

Don't feel bad. You did nothing wrong.
Those two people were on that site willingly.
Cheers to your progress.
Keep working toward it.

I understand you feeling shameful. That's common for anyone who does things that they're not proud of. But you didn't do anything horrible here... Young people have all sorts of sexual experiences, you know? I've done **** that im not proud of either and have felt HORRIBLE about. Things as minor as embarrassing myself at a club when I was drunk. It happens.

Those girls probably dont even remember that whole webcam incident. Think about it, if they were on that site in the first place, then they've most likely seen more guys who did exactly what you did. And if they were under 18, that's their parents fault. Not yours.

Try to let this go so you can have some peace in your mind!!! Everything will be cool.