Unequal in bed

My husband and I have been together nearly six years, and married for half.

It started out not entirely equal. I am a more affectionate person overall (holding hands when we went out, hello/goodbye kisses) and he is not into PDAs, finds holding hands impractical, is guarded about kissing, tenses up at any spontaneous physical contact. Okay, so that has been hard to adjust to, but I'm mostly there. I don't try to hold his hand anymore, and I rarely kiss him. He never kisses me, and I no longer wonder if it's because he doesn't love me. Clearly, he has issues displaying affection. He is generally very caring about me and my well-being.

But then there's also our sex life. It used to that he would kiss me in bed, that he would go down on me. Maybe because he was in the "making a good impression" phase of the relationship. But that's all over now, and it has been for a long time. I cannot remember the last time he initiated kissing me. And I've generally just stopped kissing him in bed because he freezes up.

He's not very sensual in general. He's practical. Like maybe he has mild Aspergers. In bed, he's not the one to take the lead, he's timid. He regularly says things like, "What are we doing?" or "What do you want me to do?" if I indicate a change in position (we only have about three anyway!). And if he wants a change in position, he asks. Not exactly the epitome of passion, of losing one's self in the other. But okay, I've largely accepted that too. We love each other and sex makes us feel close and connected, and he is very mindful of not finishing before me and having whatever stamina I want, so there are enough good things.

I've talked/argued/cried to him about these things off and on, and to no avail: He does not think he needs to change a bit. Sometimes he'll say he'll work on it, but he rarely even does that for a single day.

Of course, he's very happy he gets off so much, and thinks that I am sweet and generous and talented in this regard.

But here's what I cannot get past: He never--well, rarely--goes down on me. We have sex generally once a day (we both work from home). He is able to climax more than I am, so okay I get that. I stroke him or suck on him at least several times a week, and often everyday, if not more. I love doing these things, and I don't want to stop. I did stop for nearly a year awhile ago, because I was fed up with the inequality, but that approach did nothing.

The only times he ever really goes down on me and when I ask/tell him to, or when he feels he absolutely must. So maybe about once every three or four months. And how often with enthusiasm? Never. And with desire? Never.

It makes me angry. Hurt, then angry.

I end up using lubricant 99% of the time. He only touches me with his fingers maybe once a month, and then only very slightly. He does caress my body, just not my private area.

I don't know why, and I've asked, I've cried, I've demanded, but he doesn't say.

Here is what I do know:
- It is not a physical issue. Not with me or him.
- There have been no major changes that would explain this.

I think I should demand more, but it upsets me that I have to say "do this" and that he doesn't do it on his own or seem to want to. He'll say he loves going down on me, but there's no evidence of that of course.

Some of the men from my previous relationships were very generous to me in this regard.

I just don't get it. I'm still young, I'm pretty, I'm not in great shape, but I have a nice figure and I'm not overweight. I'm over a decade younger than him. He's a bit overweight and is out of shape. I wash everyday. I don't have any diseases or issues. I trim myself the way he likes.

His previous relationship lasted about fifteen years, and he said that she ultimately just "got comfortable" and rarely had sex with him (once it was a whole year, and no there was no physical issue like pregnancy, surgery, travel, etc.) and wouldn't even go down on him on his birthday (like me, now!). He didn't like this, obviously. And their relationship didn't start out like that. (By the way, his ex has a lot of psychological issues and is a very abrasive person, even to those who don't know her.)

So my only thought is that this has to do with his own issues about physical contact. Pretty selfish though that he gets over his issues when it comes to his pleasure, but not mine.

And maybe that he feels insecure about his ability to go down on me, as I know he thinks he can't compare to my performance on him.

It makes me feel like there's something wrong with me, even though I know there's not. And that I am less deserving than he is, that he's superior to me. I resent this.

I guess it's just a matter of you'll have to ask him each time to do it. If he has mild aspergers, he might not change overnight. If it becomes part of the routine, he might just start doing it spontaneously. If that's what you need to feel satisfied, then you should absolutely want that to be part of the routine and it's not wrong of you to ask for it. My husband wasn't terribly affectionate either, so I would just tell him to hug me right now or I would die or something. He is a little better about doing it spontaneously, but I still have to tell him when I wants me some sugar.

Adelyn,

Why not see a sex therapist together, so you two can work through these issues? It does help get both people on the same page.

{My ex-hub and I did see one together & that helped quite a bit (for a while, anyway). Our marriage ended 10 years later, due to a multitude of physical & emotional health matters.}

Ok so you had a clue when you first met him that he wasn't particularly tactile. You obviously have different levels of sex drive. You want it every day . He thinks that everyday is too much and it's getting to be a bit of a chore and he is feeling pressured. That's the impression i get. And for a lot of couples great sex EVERY day would be unsustainable. You say you love each other . That he is very caring, practical, thinks you are sweet and generous. There are a lot of good things there. He is not a very sensual person. You can't really change that. That's his nature. Have you made the bedroom as sensually stimualting as you can. As for different postions have you got Ann Hoopers ' Kama Sutra'. Try some different ones. I don't think it's fair for you to expect great orgasmic sex every day from a man whose sex drive isn't the same as yours. And he is more than 10 years older than you. So cut him some slack ( so to speak). He seems to be doing the best he can to please you. I'm sure there's some wriggle room there haha.

Hmmm ... you saying he freezes up at physical contact concerns me. That he tenses up during physical contact. Yes, it does sound like he's being somewhat selfish, but I'm not sure that's the whole issue. It sounds like he can force himself to do things at times, like you said, during the "make a good impression" phase and such, but you admit he seems to be really uncomfortable about it.

Is there something that's happened to him in his past that makes him uncomfortable like that? I think he needs to see a therapist, not from the perspective of fixing him so he'll be like you want, but so that he can feel comfortable with physical and understand why he currently isn't. Maybe something like Asperger's or PTSD or something? But overall, it seems like these are some pretty nasty symptoms of something else.

Oh no, you've got it all wrong-- it's him with the high sex drive. Him who wants everyday, sometimes multiple times a day, and sometimes multiple times in a row. There's no way I could orgasm as much as he does, and I don't even try and I'm fine with that. I don't need oral to orgasm and I can orgasm every day, or every other day.

He's unusual, because his sex drive and stamina are pretty high. He doesn't pressure me though.

I don't care about great sex every day. I don't care about great variety. I just want him to make an effort to be oral with me sometimes (and not nearly as much as I am to him, as he has more drive and stamina). I can't understand what his issue is. But I don't think it's fair. It's not a central relationship issue, but it is hurtful after several years now of this and I would like it to improve.

That would probably help a great deal. Well, if he could let himself be calm and receptive during therapy sessions. We saw a couples therapist over a year ago. The therapist was very kind, understanding, level-headed, and fair. But my husband was very defensive. I never brought up this issue. I told the therapist that the way I see it we have two main issues: communication and a difference in expectations of the other. I have a degree in psychology and I made a point to not place any blame with him. But he's incredibly hypersensitive to feeling criticized and humiliated (his father was severely verbally abusive to him growing up), so his prime objective in therapy was to make the therapist and I understand that things were my fault, and that all he would talk about on his end in terms of improving was how to deal with MY issues better. Geez! After four months of this--and him berating me and yelling at me in front of the therapist often enough--we stopped going. I didn't see the point. The last month the therapist mainly saw me alone, by his request, and during this time he tried to get me to consider why I was with my husband. He told me that my husband is abusive and possibly a narcissist. (He did, by the way, see only a sliver of how my husband behaves, and it was the worst sliver.) As I didn't want to end my marriage, there was no reason for me to continue going alone to our therapist either.

But thank you. I agree a therapist could be vastly helpful. I just wish my husband thought so too!

Things have improved a lot since that bad patch a year ago, by the way. Basically, I've become more easy going.

Thank you; that's all good insight I think.

I have thought a lot about it and even read several books on Aspergers and had him take a few online tests once (not that those are reliable), and I do think he has Aspergers a little. His social skills are off the mark, and it isn't just me who sees this, he has the issues being touched and touching others, and he is rational and pragmatic to the point of often not understanding many people and situations. (There are a few other symptoms he has, but I can't think of them off the top of my head.)

As for the PTSD, he does behave as though he has this sometimes. His childhood was spent moving once a year, all over the US, as his father was military. His childhood was also marked by his father yelling and him and calling him names (even "son of a ___"!). His father also openly yelled and cursed out his wife sometimes too. It was always sudden and shocking, unexpected. And way over the top. And also my husband's previous relationship, before me, was marred by verbal abuse as well, and, in addition, emotional abuse like her being very passive-aggressive.

It's possible he is afraid of getting criticized or even yelled at (which is a largely irrational fear, as I would never yell at him over this and rarely have a criticized him about this--twice in our whole relationship). He does have this pattern in other areas of functioning--avoiding a relationship issue for fear of causing an upset. So that would make sense as to why he won't talk about it. And the fear of criticism, however irrational, could be a reason he isn't make an effort to be more generous in bed.

A therapist for him would be wonderful, but he would never go. He says there is nothing "wrong with him" (even though I don't say there is). We tried a couples therapist and it was a nightmare. We couldn't get past him demanding I accept full blame for all of our issues (no issues in the bedroom were brought up, by the way, instead communication issues and difference in expectations of emotional support).

I feel bad for him that he has some of the issues he has. I try to be mindful, helpful, and patient. I think his issues limit his happiness in many areas.

That makes a lot of sense, thank you!

He would never say no if I were to ask him. I think that if I made a habit to ask him that, yeah, it would eventually become part of his routine.

Your husband sounds similar in terms of giving affection. It is hard to get used to! But asking regularly is probably the best approach. It does bother me to have to ask--especially because I go so far out of my way to be generous with him--but I will just have to put that out of my mind for the purpose of establishing a new pattern.

So, the only time he has physical contact is when he wants relief?

This guy may or may not have PTSD or Asperger's or whatever. What he does have is you, right where he wants you. First and foremost , he is SELFISH.

Think about it;

He doesn't do oral because he doesn't want to. Why should he? It doesn't make HIM feel good. Your desires don't matter , btw.

He doesn't do oral because he doesn't need to. He knows that you will give him relief eventually. Once that is over, no need for reciprocity.

You may have a degree, but he is the puppet master.

Why should he want therapy? He gets sex daily with no investment on his part. Plus, you work together, so he doesn't even have to go out, let alone make an effort.

I have a feeling that the lack of oral may be a cover story for a deeper issue. I sense a fair amount of buried hostility. Then again, i could be wrong.

Yes, for the most part. At least that he initiates. He holds me when we sleep, though that is a routine. That's about it. On the rare occasion he hugs me when I'm sad (as long as my sadness has NOTHING to do with him, otherwise he's resentful). We sit overlapping when we watch movies together, which isn't too often, but it's me who initiates the physical contact, almost without exception.

He generally treats me with kindness and consideration, but yes, in this regard it seems to be all about what he wants.

It's not a cover story, but certainly it is a more surface example of a common dynamic between us. We're unequal in a lot of ways, and ways more significant than sex.

I'm not sure if you mean on my behalf or his, but we both have a fair amount of buried hostility.

//
Everything you said is spot on accurate (with the exception of this being a cover story). He is selfish, he doesn't have external motivation to address my needs or wishes, physical or emotional, and he has successfully created a situation between us in which he is in control.

For a long time I accepted the premise that he would treat me better if I behaved nicer (more easy going, gentler, happier), but the more I behaved the way he demanded, the more he took and the less he gave. In ALL regards, not just in bed.

He has me feeling like it's my role to be secondary, justified because he's the breadwinner.

His advice on my becoming a better person was actually mostly great advice, and I took it and have improved myself a fair amount. But now I'm treated as having less value than I did before.

When I tell him this he says he denies that he ever treats me bad and claims that he is affectionate. He then says he has PTSD and needs time to recover, that I have to be patient. As if it will take no effort, only time. And MONTHS--he always says it will take "a few months." That's simply not true; it's been over three years now of him saying this.

We get along really well most of the time. And he's generally very nice. We do activities together and have a good time. But maybe a big part of why we get along so well is because I've outwardly accepted that he's The Boss. We didn't used to get along this well.

He's actually said that too. That he's the boss. I used to tell myself that the egregious things he says when he's angry aren't how he really feels or sees things. My objective after these episodes was to try to get him to reassure me that he has a higher opinion of me than he said and that he doesn't actually believe most if the things he said about me. But this rarely ever worked. Usually, it ended with him saying even more degrading things to me (never about sex, by the way, instead about me in general) and me crying until I was numb and then just trying not to think of it and moving forward.

I don't know what to do really. He gets his feelings hurt very easily and is very sensitive to criticism, even the most well-intended and gently put constructive criticism. I used to share my insights with him (about our relationship, him, and how I feel), but that only made things worse. Probably the best approach would be a soft but direct approach on a situational basis. For example: "I'm feeling sad. Can you give me a hug?" (Though I can't share what I'm sad about if it's about him.) Or going for a walk through the park, "Can you hold my hand?" Or, in bed: "Can you go down on me?" If I ask enough times, and regularly, he'll probably start to do these things on his own. Of course, it will be out of habit, rather than spontaneous desire, but it's better than otherwise. I think that's the mild Aspergers part--the not knowing what to do and not having a desire to do something unless there's a rational reason, and one HE understands at that!

He's one of the most hard-working, goal-oriented, strategic, and responsible people I've ever met. So he's clearly an adult mentally. But emotionally it's like he's a spoiled ten-year-old. Which is exactly how he acts around his mom, who just takes it. He gets frustrated with her (like when she's confused about how her new DVD player works) and yells at her, orders her around, talks down to her, makes fun of her, laughs at her, etc., and then feels justified because he was "right" about how the DVD player worked, and she was "wrong." He doesn't see at all that it is not right to treat her like that. She is annoying, but she's very good to him and is always extremely nice. I've actually had to tell him to be nice to her when I'm around and not to raise his voice. He's agreed, and generally does an okay job of this, but he thinks I made the request because of me--because I'm so sensitive to noise and people talking loud that it bothers me. If he thought it instead had to do with him being flawed in any way or behaving poorly, he would just be bitter and dig in his heels even more.

Okay well this has just turned into a massive rambling!

Don't apologize for rambling. we all need to vent sometimes.

I wonder if his behaviour towards you is learnt. How did his father treat his mother?

The DVD episode should be a red flag of his true feelings towards women , not just you.

Whatever the truth is, it does not excuse his treatment of you. Why does he treat you this way? BECAUSE HE CAN.

The balance of power is skewed in his favor. He believes that because he is the earner in the family, his needs come first. He has manipulated you into agreeing with him. As long as you play your part of being the submissive, everything is better. When you confront him, he whips out "PTSD" or whatever. You fall for it and the cycle continues.

He may be a great person, but he is a lousy partner. He neglects your spirit. He denies you physical comfort - until HE is horny- and is dismissive of your feelings.

You are being abused. His actions coupled with your apologizing/ rationalizing/ justifying and excusing of said actions leads me to that conclusion.

"But emotionally it's like he's a spoiled ten-year-old. Which is exactly how he acts around his mom, who just takes it." Hmmm.... Why does she take it?

More to the point; Why do YOU take it?

Adelyn,

I feel for you, very much so. I know how difficult it is for a couple with widely different sexual backgrounds to find a balance.

I personally see a bit of myself in your description of your husband. I too am quiet and reserved, and I am NOT the lead in the relationship. My wife normally makes the decisions and I follow. But I feel it was out past relationships that brought us to where we are now. My wife was married before me to an abusive man who cared little for her needs and didn't support her. Because she had a child, after she left him she learned to be independent and work towards what she wanted. Additionally, she had many sexual partners before I ever met her.

On the other hand, my wife was my first real LTR. Before her, I had never really had any relationships, however I did have one homosexual "sexual" relation that lasted one year and two heterosexual "flings". In these experiences I was the submissive one doing what my partner wanted.

So when my wife and I got married, you can see that we had an experienced, dominant, independent woman and a submissive, inexperience, bisexual man. For the first few years, she lead completely in bed, until she grew to not want to take the lead. She expected me to.

Even today, after almost 20 years of marriage, she still expects me to initiate, to get her aroused and bring her to satisfaction. But she has so many criteria...I need to be shaved (face and genitals), showered, wearing sexy clothes, Viagra taken (for guaranteed erection), no kids, glass of wine. I work with these things, but she tells be she wants me to take control, to do things without her consent...but then she tells me what she does and doesn't want...how is that not being in control?

My point is that each of us has our past and our issues. We can either work with them or we make them a bigger issue. My wife has made it such a big issue that it means we only have sex 2-3 times a year. I personally would like to have sex daily, but I can't meet her criteria...so what happens? I masturbate to porn, and normally gay porn. I try as hard as I can, always putting her before me, to the point that during intercourse, she will orgasm multiple times, and I end up not ejaculating at all. As a minimum, I always orgasm last.

There may be a point that you have to ask yourself if sex is good enough. If it is, then you may have to live with the status quo, or end up like my wife and I, where sex happens yearly.

If the things he's said, result in your feeling emotionally numb, how exactly is he expected to become generous in bed?

Loving partners don't behave like that.

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

You do have some similar qualities as my husband does, but you're a bit the opposite in terms of your having tried and tried and tried to do exactly what your wife likes.

I do feel bad for my husband that he's "timid," as he says, when it comes to women. He's generally very Type A, but not so when it comes to women.

He gets humiliated incredibly easy. Over little inconsequential things that happen, like his accidentally going through a yellow light while driving. He doesn't have a big outward response, but he feels very embarrassed and immediately defends himself (even though I hadn't noticed or think anything of it) and blushes.

So if he thinks he'll not to a good enough job being oral with me, then that could easily be why he avoids it.

But it bothers me that he won't tell me this, or try to fix this with me.

I'm kind of the opposite of your wife with him having to be shaved or anything. I don't care if he hasn't showered, brushed his teeth, shaved, or whatever. I just want him to sometimes kiss me and go down on me. Doesn't have to be both. Doesn't have to be every time or every week. Does to have to be as much as I do to him at all. If he kissed me in his own--in bed or just around the house real quick, just a kiss--I would be so happy I don't think if be able to stop grinning. If he went down on me on his own, I would just be happy for the effort. I don't even care about the pleasure of it! I just want him to show some care for what I want, to express that he has affection for me.

It's not fair what your wife is doing. She can't expect you to act on your own initiative when she webs you up with rules and do's and don't's. It sounds like she's kind of using the high criteria for sex thing to push you away. She knows your sexual history, and knows her history and experience level, and she's making it seem like she has a Ph.D in the matter and you never made it past forth grade.

Well, I don't know... it could be a lot of underlying reasons as to why she's so picky like that. But I do think there's an underlying reason.

A lot of women want a certain amount of romance surrounding sex. Fair enough, but it can't happen like that all the time due to time constraints and other matters. For example, a lot of women want dinner and wine and for their husband to act like they're courting them. When women demand those things or say "otherwise, no sex" then sex happens infrequently. It's not fair to the guy to expect all that every time. It's supposed to be about both partners feeling happy and close, not one being of service to the other. I mean, think of the reverse: You say to your wife: "I really need you to shave the way I like, wear lingerie, and give me a massage, or else I won't be interested." Not fair.

By the way, maybe you're not aware of this because you haven't had a great deal of partners, but your wife's demands are excessive. It shouldn't take all that to make her happy with you in bed. Even if she loves things a certain way, she would compromise and understand it doesn't have to be every time.

But I know these things are easier to analyze then make happen.

I hear what you're saying about getting to a point of take it or leave it. I'm still hoping things will improve. I think I'm going to try just telling him what I want more frequently, and then hoping it becomes a habit. Then I guess I'll see what happens and go from there.

I thank you for your feedback, and I know that the thread is about your situation, so I am doubly grateful for the time it took to respond. It's the first time I've heard someone (especially another woman) that has told me she expects too much. I personally have "romanced" her as you explained, with wine, dinner, movies, spa days, "home without the kids" days, and almost all of them end up with NO sex. I know I shouldn't expect it, but it would be a nice result.

I do truly believe that your husband is not trying or is selfish. It seems that he never has actually told you IF he has an issue performing oral sex on you, so why doesn't he? I mean my wife has never allowed me to cum in her mouth, ever...she'll suck me, but I always cum outside. I'm in a special situation where I've sucked guys before...and yes I do swallow, so I know what it feels and tastes like. I can appreciate that some people may not like it, so I don't push. But she does try, and she does make me orgasm. But your husband, it doesn't seem like he even tries.

I did note that you do have sex regularly, and that you do actually orgasm. From someone that has sex VERY irregualrly even with major efforts, and who can't always orgasm (another story...check my other posts), I am a bit jealous. It may not be what you want, but you have pretty much the 80% solution consistently. I don't think you should stop trying to get your husband to change or improve, and maybe you'll only get to 81 or 82%, but you have much more than many other couples.

Good luck.

Adelyn,

Your situation sounds so very similar to my own...which is the main reason I sought out an online therapy group!

My husband is almost 9 years older than myself. He was married previously and by everyone's accounts she was a real piece of work. His father was an alcoholic and very abusive (however, he has repressed much of it, his siblings remember and discuss it often). He is a pathological narcissist. We are going on 24 years of marriage now. We tried therapy twice and both times the therapist suggested medication and both times he quit. Like yours, he could not handle the thought that he may be doing something wrong.

During our courtship, he was so very attentive and sweet! He wrote me poems and brought me flowers. If I was working late, he would come to walk me to my car, even if we did not have a date. He was always touching me, holding my hands, running his fingers through my hair/brushing it, spontaneously kissing me, etc. He was so thoughtful and kind.

Now keep in mind that I was not a virgin. I was very attractive and had had a few serious relationships. In each of those, the guys were always bragging to their friends about how generous and open I was in the sexual department. They would also compliment me and seemed shocked that I was willing and interested in trying new things. So, by no means am I a prude.

I did not sleep with him until after we were engaged. He was a bit "stiff"(no pun intended) and always seemed concerned to do anything without making sure I was okay with it. He was generous, reciprocating oral sex and initiating it, we were fairly equal in initiating sex altogether and it was quite regular(very few days without). I thought he as a tad intimidated by my physical appearance(I was a model and very well endowed). I was sure that I could loosen him up a bit with a little time. I was wrong.

Literally after the ring was on my finger, he changed! He became an angry, bullying, control freak! I was raised in a home where my parents rarely ever disagreed, so I spent most of our honeymoon in the bathroom crying! Gone was the sweet and generous man I thought I loved. I would say the first year or so, if I asked and eventually begged, he would kiss me(a real lover's kiss) and give me oral sex. I spent the first few years of our marriage trying to figure out what I had done wrong? I spent the next few trying to change myself to make him happy. Then moved to denial that there as anything wrong. Then just trying to keep the peace. Now, I'm not sure that I care much anymore. Sure, I love him, but it feels more like the love I have for a close friend than a romantic love or even a family love.

Fast forward to now. I am always reminded of the line in Mrs. Doubtfire..."His idea of foreplay was Brace yourself Effie" when we have what passes for sex now. He typically will walk into my room and wake me by staring at me or grabbing a nipple. And that is foreplay. He will not kiss me on the lips at all. He will not perform any oral sex or kiss or touch any part of my body other than an occasional nipple. Once in a while if I am really dry, he will finger me, but only until I am wet enough for him to do his thing. Nevermind that I haven't had a real orgasm in maybe 15 years or so. I have had so little human physical contact that I sometimes forget what it felt like.

If I am feeling particularly inclined and try to flirt with him or initiate sex, he gets angry. For example our youngest child had a sleepover this past weekend. I wore sexy nighties and did everything right to hopefully entice him into having sex with me. I am dying to have an orgasm! He thoroughly enjoyed torturing me with innuendos and clever words, but still wouldn't budge...no sex while we had the opportunity. However, this morning he was standing over me when I woke up. (Our youngest child sleeps with me. She has seizures and other disorders.) He stood there poking me with his penis and grabbing my nipple. Well that rocked the bed and she woke up. She is old enough now that she knows something is going on.

That is an entirely different situation...he has always seemed to enjoy having sex if one of the kids was in our bed (when we still slept together), or when they were in the next room...sometimes leaving the door open. I thought for a very long time that the thought of getting caught excited him, but began to notice that it was only when we were at home. As in, we never have sex away from home...unless one of our kids is nearby.

Yes, I've tried toys...I have an arsenal of them(he pretends not to know). But I cannot seem to orgasm with them. They just aren't the same as having a warm body. I have tried porn, it's okay but he won't watch with me. I've tried pheromones, lingerie, even bought him a playboy once....nothing helps, it just makes him angry.

Anyway, probably WAY too much information, but I want you to know that you are not alone. And I hope that someone out there has a really good idea to help us both!

I have the same problem...Sometimes I feel that my boyfriend had lost sex interest in me...By the way, we're for about 6 years together. He used to had such a big sex desire before. I'm thinking about diversifying our sex life by some special sex games, using sex toys. I can just advice the same for every women who is in the same situation.

As for sex toys, I've found this site. It looks here is a big range of stuff like this. I've never purchase here anything before. It would great if someone give any recommendation as for this brand.

If the only "symptom" you are seeing of PTSD is that he's selfish in bed..... OK, this REALLY gets my goat! If PTSD affects sexuality, its NOT a matter of "I'm ok if I get mine but I won't give you yours!" Uhm, nope, does NOT work that way! And if he does indeed have PTSD, you would have seen other symptoms by now as a REQUIREMENT of the disorder is that it has a significant impact on functioning. It sounds like he's using a "PTSD get out of jail free" card. So not cool. He's just being SELFISH!