Who am I? What am I? - Forums at Psych Central


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Old 03-28-2007, 02:54 AM #1
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Default Who am I? What am I?

I don't want a sexual relationship with anyone. I enjoy a few male friends but mostly women friends.

What I want is a close and loving relationship with a woman but not sex.

Is this just an extension of my longing for 'mothering' or is it about my sexuality?

I have never acted on it, but life is short and have been alone for years. Actually, I have never had a real relationship; just a few brief sex-only ones with men. I have a wonderful son from that 'active' period of my life.

Now I want love in my life. Just everyday love, kindness, gentleness, fun, comforting love.

I don't even know what to do, where to start. But I"m tired of hiding away.

Is my wanting a close female relationship realistic? A dream? Somethng else?
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Old 03-28-2007, 04:29 AM #2
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Default Re: Who am I? What am I?

i have no idea to be honest with you. Only you can make that call. But you are an adult and i say you have all the right in the world to at least experiement. Tell women your learning more about yourself, tell them what you want and see if its for you. If its not then chalk it up to experience. Id also talk to your therpaist about how you are feeling. Who knows you may be happeir with a woman..and if you are i say thats what is important that you are happy and your lover is happy. You deserve to have that in your life and there is no harm in it to search for it . Just make sure the other women understand what you are feeling and doing...so they know maybe to help you with your search and to give you what you need. Im just making a suggestion but good luck with whatever you decide.
love, Inny
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Old 03-28-2007, 04:30 AM #3
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Default Re: Who am I? What am I?

I can't say for sure that you're asexual, or not, but yes, it's possible to have a close female relationship. There are others who are asexual (whether you are or not), who get together and form relationships.

If you want to know more about asexuality, here's a couple of links:

Asexual Visibility and Education Network
asexualove.net
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Old 03-28-2007, 11:57 AM #4
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Default Re: Who am I? What am I?

I can so relate to you on this one. For years, I didn't have close relationships with women. I just didn't trust women, and they were competition. These days, I have many close female friends who I absolutely love. I had a crush on a girl in college. She was gay and we talked and she said she thought I might be bi, but since I hadn't experienced anything, she didn't want to be the one to influence anything. Since then, I haven't had any crushes on women but I do find women attractive.

I was talking to my good friend the other day about this in fact. We were talking about our past and how we used to get drunk and kiss girls to get the guys going. I told her that I honestly don't know sometimes. I think the term is bi-curious? I don't know though since I've never had a sexual encounter with a woman.

I've become very close with my female friends, and sometimes its nice just to sit close to someone and know I trust them so wholeheartedly. I think for me, sometimes I mistake that comfort of my female friends for thinking that I want something more with them. Because boy do I love men!

I guess for me, I'm learning how to have close relationships with my female friends, and its a wonderful thing. But I still crave affection and cuddling from a man.

So, to you answer your question, I think its a natural question for many of us.
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Old 03-28-2007, 07:18 PM #5
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Default Re: Who am I? What am I?

I have also wanted a close relationship with no sex. not just from a woman but a man also. I do think however women understand women more. I also think that kind of relationship might lead to sex at some point with either sex. Yes it would be very nice to have that type of relationship.
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