I don't know how to do this properly.

Ok, so to start off I'm relearning how to not let my sexual tension choke me to death when it comes to other girls in the moment.

So I don't understand why I am not as touchy feely as some of my other friends at certain times. Those times can be when I'm with them, when I feel depressed and my self worth is damaged immediately, or when I want to be alone.

I don't always come off this way, I usually put off a very friendly open vibe of people who like having me around but when it comes to me being open about me sexually attracted to someone and getting something going. I don't understand why some of my friends can have this so easily, the girls know them very well in many, but there are other many cases where they don't know him and just find him "hot". He and other friends be themselves and act the same.

I do the same thing and go overboard on my looks and appearance nothing happens like that. I know it has to be something how I'm coming off.

But I don't know that for sure and I don't know if I'm doing anything right. I have the confidence. I accidentally come off as annoying, partly because I get overly excited in their words, where I tend to talk to much. So my solution what I do, is not talk period or answer when I feel it's appropriate to. At the same time it doesn't feel like I'm getting anywhere, and I'm ignored again alone somewhere with a group of people at a party wherever alone. I didn't want that to happen, it's so frustrating...

Aghhh.

I sometimes don't know if it's something personal or not.. Sometimes say, maybe she thought I wasn't physically attractive, maybe I wasn't as aggressive, or I was too aggressive? or maybe she didn't like me all together and didn't have the guts to tell me she doesn't want me talking to her.

It's like wtf, I can't get through brick wall that's taunting me and telling me I'm just a piece of ****. It comes off to me as...

Maybe a full attitude change, yeah I'm working on it now for a long time, but jeez give me a break. I'm only human... So when it feels like I'm in the right circumstances come up, I either let my sexual tension or emotions get the better of me and I don't do anything about it, because I always **** it up... or pick the inappropriate time or have someone else ruin the moment and take the girl immediately.

It's like I just want to flip the **** out, because I can't convey my opinions like a normal person apparently. I have to be looking like I'm stupid to be fun and approachable, when I do. I am always doing it overboard, I just be myself, and my issue on this.

It's like being myself is never good enough. It feels like I could be better, but my efforts have done nothing but frustration...

I don't want to date, this girl I like, like she isn't into dating she likes me. She is bi I want to be clear, I think it's attractive and ok to be who she is as a person... I am interested into having sex with her, and letting her do what she wants with that when it comes to other girls. I also have fantasies for the longest time having threesomes and moresomes. I have fantasies going to sex clubs and being sexually free. I have fantasies of being desirable and not being the one singled out alone and treated like I have a problem.

I don't, I hide my emotions it's exhausting when you are misunderstood and every opportunity got destroyed by me on accident without being aware or when it's already past and you are like shoulda coulda woulda moments.

I don't know if I'm doing this right at all.

I can be easily charming my talking skills are great. I tone it down now to be more approachable, I have to learn each person individually which I'm good at I can do everything right, but still get it wrong. I feel I don't measure up to my friends for things I can't control..

I find it frustrating they have that and complain about how this girl was ok and this girl was great and this girl was blah blah blah. Then I'm like, I only had sex with 4 girls, and they seemed alright to me, but you only go for ugly girls d....
Maybe someday it will work out and girls will hook up with you. I don't know what to tell you, maybe you shouldn't talk as much. You tend to overwhelm them, but what gets me is when I don't and then they say this **** to the girl I'm talking to. That I'm overwhelming them, and pretty much take my faults and use them against me when it's starting to happen. I feel like I'm used.

I feel like I don't get what I need and rather I feel sexually deprived because I live in an unfair state now...

What am I doing wrong or right? I don't know

When I was young (many years ago) I always yearned to be popular. I never was. I never really understood why. As I've aged this has become less & less important; to the point where, now, I pretty-much just keep to myself & would not be the least bit interested in being popular with anybody.

I do think that, when I was young, there were probably times when I tried too hard. It seems like some people are just popular & some aren't. I don't know why or how this happens. And when a person who's not naturally popular tries to be so, it just makes matters worse.

I have lost internet when I posted this afterwards so its been awhile. I am very popular. I have lots of female friends and guy friends.
I'm viewed in both very positive abs negative ways people and especially girls love my honesty and mw being myself.
I really hate going up to a girl. I don't find it worth my time as in some moments that be quality. Whenever I do it ends up me being on *** end foe playing role as the "thirsty" dude. So I back off avoid and play that game back and always I expect them to do the same and ignore me back.
I find none of this working a lot of girls my age in their twenties and many I'm their thirties I have met and know so far are very unclear of what are their intentions are. It's scary. To me at least...
Scary as in I don't know if they are going to pretend to flirt with me and then find out its some setup to get me jumped or badly injured/killed. Cuz it happened to me twice. Like a girl comes up to me I am scared she's going to do something horrible because she can. This may not be right on what I was taking about earlier

I find sometimes a little bit of flirtation from a girl coming up to me and being upfront is far more sexier than me feeling my time is wasted.