Why is Virginity Stigmatized?

ak482 · Jan 28, 2015 at 07:38 PM

I just don't understand it. There have to be far worse things for a male of 32 than being a virgin, but it sure doesn't seem that way. Society has made virginity into an offense which at this age seems to be a life sentence of loneliness

And while some may not believe it, I feel a virgin will be found out during the first time. When did it become such a horrible thing to remain celibate, I can't take any more.

CANDC · Jan 28, 2015 at 08:23 PM

Ak482, sorry to hear you are feeling some stigma with celibacy. It is really a highly personal choice. It seems like whatever you choose is a choice that is up to you. It is a refreshing change to hear of someone who is not on craigslist or match.com looking for the next fling.

It takes a person with a strong personal identity to buck some of the societal trends and proposed norms. Thank goodness that there are people like you willing to try to live up to their own expectations.

ak482 · Jan 28, 2015 at 09:15 PM

I crave sex. But as a virgin I have to be "trained." How can I find a relationship with sex if no one will give me the chance? I'm now sure I will never have the joy of sex. I have no purpose to go on.

Koko2 · Jan 28, 2015 at 11:05 PM

I was getting a hard time from people in my late teens and twenties, and still get a hard time even after losing it and having some experiences just because I look like someone who hasn't had any. In the old days, you'd be set up with a wife, possibly unattractive, by age 18 and go about your business tilling the fields. We don't have to till the fields or marry who our parents match us with anymore, but the trade off is that it can be very difficult for some to meet their soul mate. Freedom has its price.

ak482 · Jan 29, 2015 at 01:00 AM

While I appreciate all the kind and sage words, I did NOT CHOOSE to be celibate. I am considered a f----t by women. I have no chance, even working with a sex therapist.

H3rmit · Jan 29, 2015 at 02:41 AM

I guess the reason why it's looked down upon is that most people, like you, don't want to be in that state. As you say, you have failed to get to where you want to be in that regard. Naturally, mean people will pick on you for that.

Sex is a social thing. To get sex, be more social. To be social, be interested in people and comfortable with them. That latter was EXTREMELY difficult for me, but improvements can be made.

einsam · Jan 29, 2015 at 05:50 PM

We are in a culture so sexual that every possible movie from Avatar to Watchmen is packed with sex as gratuitous as possible for the big screen, and platonic touch of ages past has mostly been replaced by an attitude of all touch being sexually-oriented and potentially homosexual... you tell me.

MixolydianGray · Jan 30, 2015 at 04:54 PM

I think virginity being stigmatized is revelant to the circles you're in. In strict religious circles, virginity until marriage is actually praised. It's not a view that I agree with, and a friend of mine mentioned in a conversation once that waiting until marriage to be with his then-wife was one of the worst decisions he's ever made.

Sex resides a lot in our culture, and for that reason, it's somehow "expected" that you lose your virginity by a certain age. I think that's silly. I'm 24, and I'm still a virgin. I do have times when I'm sexually frustrated, but that's not something that can't be fixed. Having a boyfriend whose libido equals mine has definitely helped that as of late.

Don't worry about it. Sex isn't the most important thing in the world, and you still have plenty of time. It will come in time, if you allow yourself to be open with people and let them get close to you.

Feb 02, 2015 at 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ak482

I just don't understand it. There have to be far worse things for a male of 32 than being a virgin, but it sure doesn't seem that way. Society has made virginity into an offense which at this age seems to be a life sentence of loneliness

And while some may not believe it, I feel a virgin will be found out during the first time. When did it become such a horrible thing to remain celibate, I can't take any more.

When you meet that special girl she will feel special that you are a virgin , because most guys are not !

Oh and having sex dose not take away the loneliness , it's just a temporary relief for some not all .

ak482 · Feb 02, 2015 at 07:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nature1968

When you meet that special girl she will feel special that you are a virgin , because most guys are not !

Oh and having sex dose not take away the loneliness , it's just a temporary relief for some not all .

It may be a relief but I feel as if I am meant to be lonely because I have never had sex and need to be trained. I'm looked down upon as a little boy since I've never had sex, since what real man hasn't at my age.

MixolydianGray · Feb 02, 2015 at 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nature1968

When you meet that special girl she will feel special that you are a virgin , because most guys are not !

Is this to suggest that non-virgins aren't special, or that somehow being a virgin is better? I'm not trying to argue; I'm just asking for a clarification as to what this means.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ak482

It may be a relief but I feel as if I am meant to be lonely because I have never had sex and need to be trained. I'm looked down upon as a little boy since I've never had sex, since what real man hasn't at my age.

Keep in mind that, at one point, everyone is a virgin. Even the most experienced people had to start somewhere. You don't just come into the world as an expert on the art of love-making. It takes practice.

Koko2 · Feb 02, 2015 at 09:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MixolydianGray

Keep in mind that, at one point, everyone is a virgin. Even the most experienced people had to start somewhere. You don't just come into the world as an expert on the art of love-making. It takes practice.

True, but many of these same people will rub it in when they're dealing with a suspected virgin. I'm not a virgin but haven't been a don juan either. When I was rejected by someone as a middle-aged adult, one of my family, whom I never spoke of this rejection with, shared an unsolicited chin-up story about some girl that had rejected him when he was a youngster, inviting the disturbing thought that I'm going through the same puppy love growing pains now that he had as a young teen.

Feb 02, 2015 at 09:27 PM

[QUOTE=MixolydianGray;4252062]Is this to suggest that non-virgins aren't special, or that somehow being a virgin is better? I'm not trying to argue; I'm just asking for a clarification as to what this means.

No not at all .. take it with a grain of salt

Feb 02, 2015 at 09:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ak482

It may be a relief but I feel as if I am meant to be lonely because I have never had sex and need to be trained. I'm looked down upon as a little boy since I've never had sex, since what real man hasn't at my age.

It just comes natural , no trainning required ..
Like kissing someone you don't train for that it just happens .

ak482 · Feb 02, 2015 at 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nature1968

It just comes natural , no trainning required ..
Like kissing someone you don't train for that it just happens .

Tell that to the women out there who think I need training

MixolydianGray · Feb 02, 2015 at 10:23 PM

If those women bother you that way, then they're not really what you need, anyway. In a way, it's actually good that they tell you that, as you know that these are the women you don't need to involve yourself with. It's a way to "weed them out," if you will.

ak482 · Feb 04, 2015 at 08:32 PM

I'm afraid I'll be lonely forever because no one will accept that part of me. The last woman who trashed me basically said she would've kept dating me if I had sex. That is a mentality I have to overcome. I feel like a lowly piece of s---.

psychandsinging · Feb 04, 2015 at 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ak482

I just don't understand it. There have to be far worse things for a male of 32 than being a virgin, but it sure doesn't seem that way. Society has made virginity into an offense which at this age seems to be a life sentence of loneliness

And while some may not believe it, I feel a virgin will be found out during the first time. When did it become such a horrible thing to remain celibate, I can't take any more.

Your body your decision, dude. Absolutely nothing wrong with virginity or promiscuity or anything. People just need to grow up like it's 2015 leave other peoples sex lives be

Koko2 · Feb 04, 2015 at 11:06 PM

hi ak482, I'm just curious about what you think of this other thread started by denish:
http://forums.psychcentral.com/sexua...sex-youth.html

I notice you haven't posted on it but you and denish seem to have similar self-esteem issues. denish may be heading toward a career in porn though.

That was a mean thing for that woman to say to you. How did your amount of experience come up for discussion? You shouldn't feel compelled to share that information with your dates.

ak482 · Feb 06, 2015 at 07:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Koko2

hi ak482, I'm just curious about what you think of this other thread started by denish:
http://forums.psychcentral.com/sexua...sex-youth.html

I notice you haven't posted on it but you and denish seem to have similar self-esteem issues. denish may be heading toward a career in porn though.

That was a mean thing for that woman to say to you. How did your amount of experience come up for discussion? You shouldn't feel compelled to share that information with your dates.

I've read that thread, and in many ways I sympathize with denish in how lonely virginity feels. The major difference with me is that I have no desire to go into porn, I just want a loving relationship.

She asked me when my last relationship was, and then asked me if I was sexually experienced. She shared some concerns of hers and I mentioned some issues I had myself. It was still a cheap shot and the feeling that I'm a little boy

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ak482 Member Member Since May 2013 Location: Ohio Posts: 424 10 132 hugs given	Jan 28, 2015 at 09:15 PM #3 I crave sex. But as a virgin I have to be "trained." How can I find a relationship with sex if no one will give me the chance? I'm now sure I will never have the joy of sex. I have no purpose to go on. __________________ "Start perfect, get better every day" Good for absolutely nothing & doing even less Reality is not realistic
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ak482 Member Member Since May 2013 Location: Ohio Posts: 424 10 132 hugs given	Jan 29, 2015 at 01:00 AM #5 While I appreciate all the kind and sage words, I did NOT CHOOSE to be celibate. I am considered a f----t by women. I have no chance, even working with a sex therapist. __________________ "Start perfect, get better every day" Good for absolutely nothing & doing even less Reality is not realistic
	Reply With Quote

einsam Member Member Since Jan 2015 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 99 9 11 hugs given	Jan 29, 2015 at 05:50 PM #7 We are in a culture so sexual that every possible movie from Avatar to Watchmen is packed with sex as gratuitous as possible for the big screen, and platonic touch of ages past has mostly been replaced by an attitude of all touch being sexually-oriented and potentially homosexual... you tell me.
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Anonymous100168 Guest Posts: n/a	Feb 02, 2015 at 09:27 PM #13 [QUOTE=MixolydianGray;4252062]Is this to suggest that non-virgins aren't special, or that somehow being a virgin is better? I'm not trying to argue; I'm just asking for a clarification as to what this means. No not at all .. take it with a grain of salt
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MixolydianGray Member Member Since Jan 2015 Location: Texas Posts: 178 9 7 hugs given	Feb 02, 2015 at 10:23 PM #16 If those women bother you that way, then they're not really what you need, anyway. In a way, it's actually good that they tell you that, as you know that these are the women you don't need to involve yourself with. It's a way to "weed them out," if you will. __________________ "Enjoy when you can. Endure when you must."-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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