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Artchic528
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Question Feb 08, 2015 at 04:23 AM
  #1
Kind of an awkward question (and a bit premature maybe) but here goes....

Recently started texting with this guy I met on POF. He seems promising enough, but I'm really worried about if we get to the point of having sex. I've only ever had one partner, and I recall my first time (which was with him, of course), hurt a lot. It was like forcing a jumbo jet into a too small hanger, and he couldn't penetrate the whole way in. Somehow we managed. The second time wasn't too much more pleasurable, as he still couldn't fit all the way inside of me, but he got further, and we managed again. I remember being so damn sore by that time that I declined to have it again for a few days to let myself rest. By the third time though, we managed full penetration and from there on we were good to go.

Long story short is, this all happened a few years ago and we broke up after dating for 6-7 months. I haven't had sex since then.

Since then I've met this new guy on an online dating site. He and I are probably going to have a first date soon, and I was wondering...if it leads to possibly more dates and eventually sex, will sex hurt me again? Does a vagina tighten up again after not having sex for several years? Or does it boil down to the size of this new guy being bigger or smaller than my ex?

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LindaLu
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Default Feb 08, 2015 at 10:01 AM
  #2
I'm a little old to answer but have been in similar situation of not having sex for a year then having a lot. The physiological answer is that the vagina doesnt toughen up without sex and penis size is only part of the problem with discomfort from penetration.
Discomfort varies by male partner.... foreplay and male experience makes a difference. You are now more experienced and know what to expect so it may well go much better with a new guy. You are less likely to feel discomfort during intercourse but a couple days afterwards might have slight soreness 'down there'.

More likely you'll feel muscle fatigue in hips or core muscles or wherever you got exercised It seems to be the big taboo still for women but masturbation is good practice for comfort with sex generally including intercourse...by knowing how to specifically instruct a guy or if you prefer...subtly guide him.
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Artchic528
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Default Feb 08, 2015 at 10:04 AM
  #3
I've had plenty of time to figure out myself through self exploration, let me tell you. I'm plenty exercised in some parts of my body.

I'll try the subtly guiding him thing though. Sounds nice.

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Default Feb 09, 2015 at 05:10 PM
  #4
What you describes as your first few times isn't unusual…it takes a few tries for many women to be able to accommodate their first partner. It was probably a combination of still having your hymen or some remainder of it and possibly stress (especially after it was difficult the first time).

I went without sex for a couple years once and when I finally did have sex after this hiatus it was not at all painful…in fact it felt even better after all that waiting!

It may take a while for you to get the hang of things with a new partner…sometimes it takes a little while to figure out what feels best. But it shouldn't feel like you're losing your virginity all over again.

Do watch out for those pesky urinary tract infections…the bane of any new relationship.

Good luck!
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Default Feb 09, 2015 at 05:12 PM
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Thanks Sherbert. I will!

Just curious though, why do UTIs crop up like that at the beginning of an intimate relationship?

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Default Feb 09, 2015 at 05:36 PM
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Well, women are more prone to UTIs because of anatomical differences and sex in general puts you at risk for bacteria moving into your urinary tract (Urinary tract infection (UTI) Causes - Diseases and Conditions - Mayo Clinic). I actually ran an online search and haven't found a satisfactory answer for WHY it tends to happen with new partners in particular, but it happens often enough that there's a term for it ("honeymoon cystitis").
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Default Feb 09, 2015 at 05:39 PM
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That's VERY romantic. Nothing like getting a UTI right at the beginning of a relationship. I guess it's a good way to test the bonds though.

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Thanks for this!
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Default Feb 11, 2015 at 05:41 PM
  #8
I get yeast infection every time I have a new partner. Well my last relationship lasted around 9 years and ended last summer, haven't had sex since then

. When we had sex first time I got an infection (not std) then it never came back for the duration of a relationship. I had the same issue with a man prior to that ( years ago) and etc etc my ob/gyn just says that I am sensitive to something disturbing my ph balance. And new partner does that, but then of clears on
A week of Meds and never comes back

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