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InACorner
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Default Apr 07, 2007 at 02:45 AM
  #1
She wrote in a recent post about feelings for women...probably due to validation due to her mother...Well i guess ill put my two sense about myself in a similar post...but i need it from a man i guess as a replacement for the abusive alcoholic father i have....Always have guys friends...look for recognition and acceptance towards men...when i have a problem i mostly want to talk to a guy...or a very very close girl friend. But i am always text messaging guys i know and all that good stuff...i guess alot of them always took it the wrong way because most of all of them did bad stuff to me later...even my guy cousin by marriage who i tried to look up to and confide in as a brother..but he seemed to have different ideas....i have always wanted a big brother...and always tried to get one...but right now i guess all that is kinda not there anymore??? Well it is...but its kinda not because my boyfriend fills that need of love and warmth and caring of a man....i crave his attention and being near him and having him be proud of me..and all that stuff....so i dont know how everyone wants to react...write about who you need...or write your opionions about me..i dont know ...go with your instincts...lol take care all...love, Inny

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Default Apr 07, 2007 at 05:46 AM
  #2
Inny, You really opened a new direction of thinking for me yesterday, so I wanna thank you for that. Your word "Domination" is another bit of the puzzle that was missing.

I knew I was very controlling, but to be honest I didn't get that word, but domineering is exactly the right word.

I went and journaled last night. I had this fantasy that all woment werer "soft mothers" But my experience had been the complete oppersite to that. A mother that abandoned me at birth, then another that emotionally abused me.

I would sit at sch staring out the window at sch daydreaming about this perfect mother. I thought the honour of that daydream was for my step mother. T once said its because she was lacking that I compensated with day dreaming.

MY stepmother would dominate me with her wild swinging moods. The anger and rage I feel about that is only now become apparent. She had the power to hurt me. The only way I learnt to compensate for this powerlessness was to dominate and hurt back.

Accept the switch hasn't been switched of. I go into any situation looking for the wild mood swings that can hurt me and I dominate myself and outside myself trying to protect myself from incoming hurt.

My step mohter told me I wasn't a pretty girl, I wasnt like she had been, fashionable and pretty. She constantly talked about her wonderful her hair was growing up. I realised I felt I had failed at being a woman.

I've fanned this fantasy that all women are soft loving mother figures and never been able to meet it because basically women are women and some are *****s and some are mean and the stereo typical "perfect mother" doesn't really exist.

I had to believe it existed, to keep my hope alive, the hope of one day finding this soft mother.

I felt I was born wrong, that I belong with the boys and not the gals. Because step mum had put herself so up high and brain washed me that she was the perfect mother that I stopped trying.

I know there are soft mothers out there, but there are also wonderful fathers out there too. But I've been trying to match a dream.

Women are humanbeings first then they are women then they are mothers. Just because we women doesn't mean we automatically want to be a mother.

I've always felt I failed terribly at that because of this fantasy of the perfect mother I'v held in my head. Now I can see the reality of the situation, I am a woman, I am a good enought mother.

Maybe my wanting a women to love was because I've always put my abilitys outside of myself into other women because step mother knocked it out of me. I was hoping to become whole that way.

But I am whole already.

Sorry there seems to be 2 themes coming out here, dominating to defend myself against my step mothers dominations and trying to find the woman in me by bringing another woman into my life???

Anyway I thanks, this is another avenue for me to work on.
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Default Apr 07, 2007 at 06:03 AM
  #3
What you have written is so insightful, Mouse. You're really looking deeply inside yourself and learning so much. That's such a positive thing. Maybe you'll find that the mother you need is YOU. Maybe you can be that soft, nurturing person for yourself. The best thing about being that person for yourself is that you will always be there.

I am lucky enough to have one of those "soft mothers" you wrote about. I am scared whenever I think about losing her someday, but I feel that she and my father have given me the strength and confidence and love for myself to be nurturing and kind to myself.

Your children are so lucky to have you. You have spent so much time thinking about what it means to be a mother. They will benefit from that... from having a mother who understands how important a mother's role is in a child's life. I wish you had had a mother like YOU, but since you didn't, I hope you can be kind and loving and soft to yourself. Your nurturing, intelligent, thoughtful soul comes across in your posts. Mouse got me thinking.....

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Default Apr 07, 2007 at 06:07 AM
  #4
I always wanted a big brother too, Inny. My dad was kind of emotionally distant when I was a child (just the way he was brought up). My best friend when I was a child had 2 older brothers and I was jealous. I have always had lots of male friends who are like brothers to me. My ex-boyfriend is my best friend now and he is like the wise older brother I always wanted -- someone who makes me feel safe and is always there for me.

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Default Apr 07, 2007 at 10:07 AM
  #5
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
InACorner said:
She wrote in a recent post about feelings for women...probably due to validation due to her mother...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

It's had me thinking too... I had never considered it but it's makes so much sense to me now. I've learned sooo much here on PC.
Mouse got me thinking.....

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Default Apr 07, 2007 at 02:06 PM
  #6
((((((((mouse))))))))) I am glad to help in any way i can for you...your my friend and i want to try to help....i always daydreamed about my father...i am glad you felt i helped you alittle...you are wonderful and have so much support here for you! Good luck always...pm me if you need me or want talk about something..

(((((((((Juliana))))))))) I am glad you had a soft mother... you deserve it as much as everyone else does...your very unquie and caring. Take care sweety...pm me if you need me too!

(((((((((((((Liberada))))))))))) I am glad you are learning alot ...it never made sense to me either until i read mouse's post and realized no...i dont think she is lesbian...cause i feel like that and IM not lesbian hehe....not that that is a bad thing...im just saying...pm me if you need me and i hope you keep learning things

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Default May 14, 2007 at 02:24 AM
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mouse, I have had the same experience, I have always had so many guy friends and it is the worst feeling when you find out that they want something else. I have a bf who I love so much and who is always proud of me. I am lucky. its funny what our parents can do to us long after they are gone or after their actions stop.
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Default May 14, 2007 at 09:32 AM
  #8
I always had crushes on female teachers and camp counselors, usually the really "pretty" ones. I always thought it had to do with mothers rather than sexuality. In my high school yearbook, I have a huge, almost lifesize picture of my senior year English teacher's face in place of the little one that's published. Anyone that showed me a little kindness.

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Default May 14, 2007 at 09:43 AM
  #9
i just wanted a daddy.
but yeah. guys don't understand. they like sex.
it hurts.
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Default May 14, 2007 at 11:39 AM
  #10
My experience is a little different. Rather than look for a mother figure, I have adopted a distaste for women. I refuse female doctors (even ob/gyn), specified for a male therapist and pdoc. When I register for classes and find out that the professor is female, I get so irritated. I was sitting with my T the other day and all of a sudden I said, "It just occurred to me that in my internship I am going to have female clients! Eeek, what am I going to do?" It sounds strange, but whenever I pictured myself in session with a client in my internship, I always pictured giving therapy to male.

I guess my gravitation towards men is due to my rejection of women-- not as a replacement for my father because I have always had/still do have a very good relationshp with him.
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