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hello991
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Default Feb 13, 2015 at 10:52 AM
  #1
I am a college-age guy and in a relationship with a girl. Basically, we were kinda unstably together for 8 months or so, but now we have been in a real relationship for a month.

The first time I masturbated was less than two years ago. I got into the habit of masturbating to pictures on facebook because I found porn gross, and I continued to do this until about two months ago. I feel absolutely horrible about it. It's a gross habit and it's objectifying and I feel just gross. I feel like a disgusting horrible pig, and I feel like I am being dishonest with my girlfriend by not telling her because I feel like I am lying about who I am or something...she knows I masturbate regularly, and she knows that I used to think about other people when I masturbated sometimes, which she thinks is totally normal. What she doesn't know is that I used pictures on facebook...do I owe it to her to confess these past habits to her? We weren't in a real committed relationship during the time I did this, but we were together and we were exclusive....I just feel so so bad.....she's the first girl I've ever been with or even kissed and I don't want to ruin anything
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Default Feb 13, 2015 at 12:15 PM
  #2
Hi Hello991, First congratulations on your new relationship. Masturbation is not something to be ashamed about. It is I believe something most people try or do. Unfortunately, some religions describe it as a sin . Giving the act a "dirty" feel or name. I don't think you need to tell your new girlfriend about your past habits. You have nothing to feel bad about. You are not horrible. Give yourself some self compassion and just enjoy your new relationship! Focus your feelings on her and yourself. Good luck,much happiness, and peace!
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Default Feb 14, 2015 at 05:11 AM
  #3
Not a big deal really. Do not tell her and don't feel bad about it. Nothing extreme about it

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Default Feb 14, 2015 at 09:50 AM
  #4
I agree...no problems with masturbating, it's normal. Many people have masturbated to pictures or photos when they have no sexual partner. Sometimes it's even pictures of their own partner. Masturbation is a personal thing, about self pleasure...it's nothing to be ashamed about, or to feel guilty that you've used images of beautiful people to arouse yourself.
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Default Feb 14, 2015 at 11:16 PM
  #5
Its completely normal to masturbate. However, you may want to work on your attitude toward masturbation as that seems to be the bigger problem. Masturbation is healthy, and in no way being dishonest with your partner. It is a private thing, and I don't necessarily think that you need to tell her everything. You can if you want, but in a relationship it isn't necessary to share *everything*.
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hello991
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Default Feb 21, 2015 at 01:08 PM
  #6
Ugh I did it again last night...I masturbated to pictures of girls I know who aren't her on facebook. I feel so bad...I can't help but feel like I'm wronging her and that she deserves someone better than me who won't do this. I feel like I am being dishonest with her in some way. I have a tendency to obsess over things and create problems for myself, but I don't know how to let go of these feelings of extreme guilt...are these feelings justified? Am I being to hard on myself?
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Default Feb 22, 2015 at 02:03 PM
  #7
I think it becomes a problem if you don't feel aroused and don't want sex with your gf and instead just wanto masturbate. I dated someone like that once. If it is not the case then not a big deal imho

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Default Feb 22, 2015 at 02:18 PM
  #8
it's not a sin at all. don't worry.
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Default Feb 24, 2015 at 09:19 AM
  #9
I, too, think there's nothing to worry about. Masturbation is normal and a very private thing. I don't think you even need to discuss it with her anymore. As long as you are faithful to her, that's all that matters. Everyone knows their partner is not attracted to only them.
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Default Feb 24, 2015 at 02:00 PM
  #10
I see nothing wrong with what you did and see no advantage in telling her about it. If you are ashamed of masturbating to facebook then I assume you have stopped. So no reason to bring it up. Ive heard of and have done much worse than masturbating to facebook.
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Anonymous48690
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Smile Feb 24, 2015 at 02:45 PM
  #11
Quote:
Originally Posted by hello991 View Post
Ugh I did it again last night...I masturbated to pictures of girls I know who aren't her on facebook. I feel so bad...I can't help but feel like I'm wronging her and that she deserves someone better than me who won't do this. I feel like I am being dishonest with her in some way. I have a tendency to obsess over things and create problems for myself, but I don't know how to let go of these feelings of extreme guilt...are these feelings justified? Am I being to hard on myself?
Hee hee, hard on yourself! Cute. There is nothing wrong with masturbating. When one does it in public though, like dressing rooms and such, that just might be a little much. Quit feeling guilty! I masterbate all the time! It sounds like she's into it. Own it! How about including her in your fantasy life? Share yourself, or let her watch! My partner likes to watch. But, if you feel like it's a problem, just stop or seek professional help because it sounds like your stressing over it.
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masochism
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Default Feb 28, 2015 at 02:34 AM
  #12
If you honestly feel that bad about it then I'd just straight up tell her. It wouldn't be right to keep secrets in a relationship, especially if they're constantly making you feel awful. Considering her attitudes towards you masturbating in general than I'm sure she'll be understanding.
If you feel like you aren't comfortable masturbating at all then don't. But if you feel like it just makes you unloyal or unfaithful to her than just talk it through. You'll feel a lot better after expressing yourself to her.
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hello991
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Default Mar 05, 2015 at 07:47 PM
  #13
Okay so I told her about it last night because it was bothering me a lot and I couldn't stand feeling guilty. It wasn't really a big deal to her at all.

But now I feel really guilty about masturbating to pictures of people I know, regardless of how she feels about it. I feel like it's a really objectifying thing to do, and I feel like by doing it I am almost betraying the trust of the people whose pictures I have used. I have just decided to take a break from masturbating in general because of the stress it's been causing me, but I don't know how to move on from this guilty feeling. I feel so so so bad about doing this and I feel like I don't deserve to stay friends with the people whose pictures I used. Also, I realized that in the past I used a picture of a girl who is two years younger than me, and I feel like I did something horrible by doing that, since I am only in my first half of college...am I wrong for doing that?

I know that these obsessive patterns of thought are characteristic of OCD, and I am gonna seek professional help, but I don't know how to move past these feelings of guilt. I feel like I've made huge mistakes. Everybody else just uses porn, but I did this terrible thing by objectifying and betraying people I know...how can feel better about this? I can't stop thinking about it...
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DianaAustralia
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Default Mar 14, 2015 at 02:33 AM
  #14
Yeah, even with porn, I feel you are taking it too seriously. Perhaps there is a part of you that enjoy feels being 'disgusting'. Just a thought.
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