I just found out I have Chlamydia. Need advice on how to tell partner.

Hi Everyone,

I've been seeing this guy for a couple months now and just recently started showing signs of an infection. I had sex with one other partner before him and the last time I was checked. Though the other partner and I always used a condom. I am scared to tell him so I wrote something out for him to read. I plan on asking him to come over and let him read it while I'm there so we can talk about it after, unless he runs out the door... I just can't find my words during difficult discussions and bad news. The "letter" explains everything so you can just read it all there, but I need to know if this sounds ok and fair or if anyone has any opinions on the situation as well.





Here it goes:

I am really not feeling well right now. I have to talk to you about this and it's really hard for me because I never thought I'd be in this situation. I just got a positive test result for chlamydia from my doctor today. What I told you about my bad reaction from my new birth control was also true, but I went in to the doctor initially because I could tell something was wrong (I thought it was just a yeast infection) and also explains why I was incredibly awkward about telling you that (I hadn't gotten the results yet). The doctor informed me that my last test was November 25th which was only a couple weeks before we started fooling around. It had come back negative that time. We both made the conscious choice to not wear condoms after a period of time, so no blame can be put on those grounds. We both made that decision.

When was the last time you were tested? If not recently, we may never know where or who it came from. Did they test you when you went in for all that VA stuff? If you don't have it, maybe my November test was a false negative? I suppose either one of ours could have been. I looked on a website and they said a false negative is possible but rare. The last person I had sex with without a condom before that test was my ex (we broke up earlier last year and that was a 2 year committed relationship). He could have been fooling around behind my back maybe. I don't know. I had a partner in between you and him but we used a condom every time.

I just want to be upfront and honest with you. I'm kinda frazzled right now and I'm shaking as I type this. I don't want you to think I'm disgusting or tainted because that's exactly how I'm making myself feel right now. This is the first time something like this has happened to me, I've always tried to be safe. I'm really disappointed in myself for letting us stop using condoms and although I could have and should have said no, I didn't and that is my fault. If you do have it, I don't know if you gave it to me or if I gave it to you. I'm not going to try and blame you for anything or point fingers. I hope you don't feel any anger towards me as well. I know neither one of us would ever intentionally withhold the knowledge of having it. Clearly neither one of us knew or meant to do this. It is the most common one and it's lucky that it's this and not something worse I suppose. It is 100% treatable with an antibiotic. My doctor already gave me a prescription that will hopefully be ready soon. You need to get tested and treated. Have you noticed anything yourself? People can go a LONG time or even forever without having any symptoms at all and women usually show symptoms more often than men.

Again, I don't know how this happened unless your reply brings more information to light. As I am writing this, I don't know what your answer to all of this will be and I'm so scared right now. I don't know if I'm supposed to hate myself for doing this to you or be angry with you if it was from you. If this is too much for you and you don't want to see me anymore regardless of who it came from, I can understand that. I hope that's not how you feel though. I really have enjoyed our time together and have a lot of fun with you. We both made the mistake of having sex without condoms very early in this, without really talking about it, and we can't go back and change that. Also we never said this was exclusive, but I would hope that you would have at least wanted to always wear condoms if you were seeing someone else too. I just want you to be upfront and honest with me. I'm not going to freak out or anything.

Also, I don't know many people here but but of who I have met these past 2 years, everyone seems to be interconnected in one way or another. I have much less to fall back on support wise if you tell the only people I know here about this (even if it wasn't from me). I hope you can respect that. If you want to end this, please just respect that for me. I am giving myself enough shame as it is.

I'm sorry this has become so long. I wanted to get everything out exactly how I wanted to say it. I don't know if I could have accomplished saying it to you on the spot so please forgive me for that.

Your letter is confusing to me. Why dont you just tell the guy that you have chlamydia? If he starts giving you a hard time about it, just say, "according to MY timelines, you gave it to me. Goodbye."

If he gives you a hard time about it, why would you want to stay with him? I wouldnt mention anything about worrying about your reputation. That just gives him ammunition to use against you. If he is a good guy, he wont say anything anyway. If he is not a good guy, nothing you ask him will make any difference.

What I'm worried about is that maybe he didn't give it to me and I got it from my past partners. My timeline makes it implausible for it to be from me, but not impossible. If he gives me a hard time of course I wont stay with him, but I figure he deserves an explanation.

I will take your advice on the reputation thing.

I'm sorry your having to deal with an std to begin with. You both agreed to go condom less.

I think your explanation is just way way too wordy to be honest, your repeating things over and over about pointing fingers and who is to blame etc. I doubt he is going make it past the first paragraph with out stopping to talk or get all upset.

Go with the first paragraph, all the other who might be to blame stuff..well you both decided no condoms so it doesn't matter who gave it to who.

You both have to decide if you want to continue the relationship.

I am glad that even tho any kinda of STD must be terrible to deal with , but at least this one is curable.

I hope you both able to have a discussion and figure out what each of you want.

Good luck

Sorry. The letter is too long and he won't read it. Sorry but it is very likely he gave it to you. Timeline is rather clear. Tell him what happened and go from there

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There's no need for a letter. That's NOT something you tell someone in a letter. You have to tell him face to face, because yes, he gave you an STD, and it is BOTH your faults for not using condoms. It is just as important for women to make sure they are protected with condoms.

Chlamydia is a TREATABLE STD that goes away with a pill. No big deal, you could have had something that stays with you forever. Once treated, it goes away. It's a lesson learned to ALWAYS wear condoms.